Because...why not?
MAY 15, 2009 6:23PM

How to Tell if You Are A Gay or if Someone You Know is A Gay

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The following are real answers (untouched)  from WickiAnswers in response to the question, "How can you tell if someone is gay?" 

  • Ask him or her. Apart from that, there is no sure way to find out someone's sexuality. Some gay people do 'act gay,' but so do some straight people have effeminate behavior. and many gay people don't 'act gay,' just as most straight people don't, they tent to touch other guys and act natural around them.


  • I think you can tell if people are gay. If a lesbian girl walks up to a straight girl and gets close and feels on her you can tell or if a boy winks at another boy and waves they're gay, but only if the guy that winked is a complete stranger because family members, like the cousin, can wink at each other and you can't completely tell if he or she is gay!
  • You can't be sure and only the individual knows if he or she is gay. If a person decides to tell you they are gay, then you will know for sure. Otherwise, it's none of your business.


  • Well, some guys act a little gay. For a women they are sometimes butch. But you can't tell most people are gay by these things, just some. Others are right next to you on the bus and others in the doctor's office or even the doctor. Don't be afraid. They are just like you and me, they just love someone just like them which, come to think of it, straights do that, too.


  • Some gays/girls flaunt it and some don't, so it would be very hard at times to tell if a person is gay. It's also not fair to the other person to ask if they are gay so you pretty much have to wait until they volunteer that information. Gays come from all walks of life and can be muscular, rough and tough looking, while some gay men can be very effeminate. Women that are gay can be considered beautiful, feminine, but still can be gay, and some women will act like a guy (often referred to as a Butch).


  • If you are in a relationship and are wondering, then the person may be gay or bisexual. Then if this is a concern to you ask, but be warned, if the person isn't gay or bisexual, this remark could end your relationship.


  • I know how this one guy is gay because he tries to talk like a girl all the time, he gets a little too close to other guys, he hates girls, he wears rainbow colors, and he puts mascara on his eyelashes.


  • Well, you might recognize a lesbian by her behavior, clothing, and/or grooming. If a woman looks a lot like a man---man's hair style, mannish clothing---or if she walks and talks like a man or seems romantically attracted to other women, she may well be a lesbian. If she displays none of these signs, she may still be a lesbian, but there is no way to know unless she tells you. You don't always know, sometimes they hide it or they don't act like the stereo type gay. Some gay guys act feminine, for example talking in a high pitched voice or wearing feminine clothing. Some guys can also seem gay, but they aren't. It can be confusing at times. The best way to know for sure is wait until they tell you.


  • OK so I guess the best way to answer this question would be to go on about it from my own experience. I am a 20 year old girl who likes girls. That makes me a lesbian. Do everyone who passes me by on the street know I'm a lesbian? Hmmm, I don't know. Actually for me it's the other way around. They don't believe me when I say I'm gay. They say "But you're wearing makeup, and you're dressed girly???"...and I say "...So???". You see people often assume these kind of things. That's where stereotype comes in...If a guy enjoys dressing nice, taking his time to get ready, and just loves being high maintenance does that automatically make him gay? If a girl has short hair, likes sports, and wears baggy clothes (not because she's a lesbian but because its comfy) DOES that make her a lesbian? That is the mistake that people make when it comes to this question. Gay people, AND straight people are all very different. Some gay guys act more fem, some don't. Same goes for gay girls. Sexual orientation doesn't have much to do with the way we look. There is no such a thing as GAYDAR really. Let me ask you this question then... How can you tell if someone is straight? Hmm? Well I hope this is an ok answer. I just want to remind everyone, don't judge based on looks because looks CAN be deceiving. Good luck.


  • Unless they're wearing a badge or tattoo saying "I'm gay" the best and most polite way to tell is to ask them. Sneaking around the subject or inquiring of friends is not respectful.


  • You could try asking them questions, but if you barely know them, that would be really awkward. Try asking someone with you if they can figure it out.


  • The only universal "sign" of a gay person is primary or exclusive sexual attraction to other people of the same sex. In some cultures, gay men adopt "effeminate" behaviours because that is what is expected of them. In other cultures, they are indistinguishable from straight people.


  • well you like the same sex as you and have wet dreams about the same sex


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I love the tags almost as much as I love the post . . . wickiwacki indeed!
You've got a few dupes...from the second "Ask him or her" through the second "If you are in a relationship..."

My mind, she boggles. My eyes, they burn. My itchy trigger finger of death to stupid people, she itches.
"You don't always know, sometimes they hide it or they don't act like the stereo type gay." Well, some of us are a mono-type gay, after all.
Owl- did I miss it are we handing out badges now? I want one.

Verbal- One of my favorite quotes, "Well, I don't know, darling -- he's never sucked my cock." Tallulah Bankhead when asked if a famous actor was gay.
These are all hysterical! The people quoted are clearly NOT gay, right? Or perhaps young teens? These two and the last one made me lose my Pepsi:

If you are in a relationship and are wondering, then the person may be gay or bisexual. Then if this is a concern to you ask, but be warned, if the person isn't gay or bisexual, this remark could end your relationship. Or start a three-way...

I know how this one guy is gay because he tries to talk like a girl all the time, he gets a little too close to other guys, he hates girls, he wears rainbow colors, and he puts mascara on his eyelashes. Well, duh, he's a raging mo fer sher.
Sally let me know if any of the 'girls here walk up to you and feel on you so I can tell if they are gay. ;) btw that wink is not a testimony to my sexuality in one way or another nor is it an indication that I think of you as a cousin. I would also like to state that I have never winked at a cousin although a couple are cute enough to be attractive.
"Others are right next to you on the bus and others in the doctor's office or even the doctor. Don't be afraid."

Act normal. They can smell fear.
finally, some easy-to-remember and practical tips for figuring out the sexuality of yourself and those around you. i'm going to print this off and have it laminated, then i can keep it in my back pocket for when i'm out and about and may encounter people of ambiguous or undetermined proclivities, or when i'm not sure of my own.
hmmm... i think these tips need more work. those mascara wearing men might just be korean, not gay.

but in truth, i never get tired of the insights from the mass of 12 year olds we call the internet. it's art i tell you, because it definitely ain't useful advice.

"Well, you might recognize a lesbian by her behavior, clothing, and/or grooming. If a woman looks a lot like a man---man's hair style, mannish clothing---or if she walks and talks like a man or seems romantically attracted to other women, she may well be a lesbian."

Or a lonely farmer's wife really wanting to talk to a woman for a change.
When I was in a bar once with a female friend of mine, a guy walked by trailing a 20ft length of toilet paper that had been tucked, unbeknown to him, inside the back of his pants.

My friend flushed red, and lowered her eyes saying, "It's a GAY signal.......look...shhhhhh."

I turned and looked, laughed, thought for a moment, and said, "You know, I don't have any gay friends who would ever let themselves be laughing stocks like this."

Needless to say, the heterosexual paper trailer was terribly embarrassed. I bought him a beer....he winked at me......in a tough guy sort of way......
In Kansas City all the g and l's from a four state region converge. Not there's anything wrong with that!
Good to have these tips Tijo just in case... just sayin''''
If you find me attractive and I don't find you attractive and you are a heterosexual male, that's a sure sign that I'm a dyke.
women &kids- well we are like werewolves that way and god knows how much we love to force sex on fearful straighties in buses and doctors offices. Nothing like a few issues of Highlights for Kids and year old Good Housekeeping magazines in the podiatrist's office to get me boned up and going.

nana- one of my favorite relies when someone asks me if I'm a gay is' "Why are you looking for a date?" I think the laminated card is much better than your old method of shouting, "Hey any turd burglers in the room?!!!" you should let me know how it goes.

bstrangely- Yeah I just left that little 'french boy' who is promoting the homosexual tye of sex over at his blog (editors pick) and some of those twelve year olds were there. I'll try to remember to come back and post a link in the comments section.

Owl- When I first moved back(to IL from Miami) I thought wow they all look so dykie. But they're just farmwives.

Walkaway- keep em handy -you never know we might sit next to you on the bus.

Gary- that was a gay signal. In gay talk that means "I never want to have sex in this town again." ;) wait I mean that in a tough guy kind of way. *(
Yes Sandra but it would still be nice if you wore some flannel or maybe a "Moustache Rides 25c" tshirt just so we could be sure.

that was the funniest answer I have sen all week!!

My side almost split.....now that could ruin my sex life.....but,.........aside from the whining, I'm a pretty tough guy (when I am not throwing kleenex at bad guys.
Trig- KC is a Gay vortex. I didn't want to say black hole because I knew you would titter.
Alex Blaze is the name of the gentleman who had the post that drew all of the antigay trolls out of the woodwork. If you haven't yet go see him. You can poke his pretty little picture up there in my favorites list and go right there.

Gary- be careful you never know who might be sitting next to you if you have to go to the ER.
Truth is always stranger than fiction.
no fair tijo; i gave up that turd burglar thing several months ago.
but this all reminds me of when i used to work at a landscape/nursery outfit that had several gay men working there. one of 'em, a super nice guy who was taller, bigger, and manlier looking than me, would always be standing there at the coffee maker when i showed up each morning. he was quite a kidder, so without fail, as i got my coffee he'd ask me, "So, Jeff, are you gay yet?" i usually came back with, "No Randy, not yet, but maybe tomorrow." if i'd had this list we could have consulted it on a daily basis and had a better sense of how things stood between us.
nana- maybe we should all get badges like those ones that detect radiation or maybe like a gayvibemoodring kind of thing. And then we could just look at each others badges and see if there is a little hint of pink (my new fragrance coming out in June-Hint of Pink) or full blown magenta.
btw did anything stand between you? (haha boner joke now I feel like a twelve year old)
boners. uh huh uh huh uh huh.
anything "STAND" ?
He's your brother Trig. And isn't landscaping an adjunct of the floral trade all butched up to be manly?
A giveaway by one of my buddies. He occasionally wore a shirt that said "Hard Cock Cafe." A conversation starter every time.
Steve, in the gay community we seem to have a t-shirt for everything. "Daddy, Boy etc." I never understood anyone over thirty (and I'm being generous there) wearing a shirt that says, "boy" I always want to walk by and say, "No your not." As for the Hard Cock T, I think that is an open invitation to check the henhouse for eggs.
Exactly my point, Tijo! This is giving me the laugh I have needed all week!
These are funny on one level. What is pathetic on another level is these people seemed not to be sarcastic but to be honestly giving those replies. We still have a LONG way to go as a nation, folks.

Monte, not only their honest answers but they think they are being helpful and not in the least bit offensive. I'm glad they weren't asked how to tell when you meet a Jew. But maybe the very question is inevitably leading towards ignorance. No amount of genuine feeling can pull a conversation that starts with, "Why are black people such good dancers?" out of the gutter. Why should we think that it's okay to play spot the gay? These kinds of things can only lead to stereotypes so maybe the only valid response is the quote from Ms. Bankhead in the comments up above. In the meantime I laugh because if I think about the fact that some of these people vote and have some say over my freedoms I want to go to a dark place and hide.
sitting next to you on the bus isn't nice? or telling you to keep the 'gay warning signs' handy? Hell I got nothing against you you can sit on my lap if you want.
seriously, I wish there were badges...
Badges would make it so much easier for all of us unless you had a malfunction and someone thought you were attracted to them...
I'm always surprised when I refer to myself as 'queer' and people ask what I mean. So I explain it, but they don't get it. They're certain I can't be gay...WTF?
Cat, I was once engaging in an activity that would without doubt prove I was a homosexual or I guess at least bi when a 'talker' leaned in and said, "I bet your wife doesn't know what you are doing."
This came after a two week period when people I knew for months had said, "You're gay. Really?" It was a little disturbing.
:D made me laugh, Thank you
why didn't you write a post yourself on this topic??? you're freaking funny, dude. that would have been awesome. i guess i'm a little tired of the "look how stupid other people are" posts. sorry. i'll be like you, well, i got to the "some guys act a little gay"/train themed throws" and then i couldn't read any further. :) love love love and gratitude and please write your astute version of this. i'd love love lvoe to read that.
Hmmm...I like sports & I wear baggy clothes...but I don't have short hair...does that make me 2/3 lesbian?
hyb-ju-needed a laugh? I've never seen you without a big smile on your face. I think we should all have emoting avatars

Theo- I just happened upon this and was amazed by their innocent ignorance. You're right though, maybe there should be a part two.

Suzie-I don't have enough to go on. Answer the following questions.
1) I never/sometimes/frequently wear sandals and socks. Pick one.
2) Georgia O'keefe paintings make me tingle in my special place.
3) When I see a penis I think, "That reminds me I need to go to the hardware store and get some GrubX."
4) When having sex I like it to be with a penis/a vagina. Pick one. If you are unable to answer this question go to section 3a. How to tell if someone is a bisexual.
My better 90% tells me I'm 85% gay. I like soft towels, sure sign of gay.

I don't wear rough clothing, if I want to luffa (spelling), I'll do it myself.

I love to cook and sometimes even get it to taste good. I used to wear a lot of flouncy bright colors. I told her it was a left-over from golfing in the 80's. She didn't buy it. Now I'm mostly in black and browns, as I try to go through life in stealth mode.

I have a lot of gay friends ages 20 to 74 male and female. I tend to get along with them in the same way I do straight people (some I do, some I don't). Which at least qualifies me as bi-sexual.

I don't think men are dirty and then sleep with them anyway like that Fox chick.

However, I do have a problem with the male form in general (this includes my own). I don't even understand how straight women can like it. All angular with no wondrous curves. Granted I've been fooled by some drag queens, but hey they're trying to look like women. And who hasn't been fooled, it doesn't make me gay. I'll be gay if I want... oh, doorbell...

Crap, I was hoping it was a wandering troop of gays trying to convert me, that'd be a compliment. Alas, just another Jehovah's Witness...

Gotta run, gonna try and catch those people, I gotta know what they witnessed...
Identifying the wild gay in his natural habitat. Bwahahaha

I can't believe these were serious answers. Scary!
Tigo is a manicurist. Tigo admires the one and only weed dandelion on the White House's front lawn. Tigo plucks the pretty flower and gets a cork so he can make the best dandy lions wine. Who can tell for certain:`Who is a good obstetrician, or the gynecologist, or my local baker, a local gymnast, a VAMC boozer, 'bad guy' DC's, White House schizophrenic commander's chef-cook? And who, by the way,

seems to be self-evident,
BO is thee poppy planter,
and Afghan's oil thug, huh.

opiates. money. bull dung
gold. brass wind instrument
OY, Barack Obama ensemble

I never knew Illinois was ill
You have demented lawyers
'Um bathe and blow dry hens

`hamsters. A car mechanics?
`um have cool toy-box chest?
`psychos diagnose a patient?
He may be wired real wrong.
I wear a pink bow tie to weed.
Then I go to a French kiss place.
It is wiser to order an Italian bagel
IF Ya no speak Yiddish Ya spiel jumbo
Ya wear Ya mom's white skirt to a bar
You scream:`All you boondocks hicks!
Follow thee rabbi to the funeral parlor.
La La gaily & be glad she plays bagpipe.
This is now the melancholy eulogy day.
Visit moo-milk parlor. Beg a babe bottle'
Who is a flute player at a cow orchestra?
How can Ya tell anything @ O.S. concert?
0 gush

Whoa! oil-thieves!
Tigo. IF in a bank?
Take the pitchfork!
they arrest IF`S `YA
change pants in a bar
there are informants
They visit me to chat
I say:` I am stupider
more so than I looks

nanatehay is balsam?
A hard balsam fir tree.
A bat mitzvah. A teaser.
balsam vinegar is on the salad
Enjoy a goo goo lactose sativa
Caesar salad is legal relaxation

In a Salon beauty shop. Ask for a baloney and swiss cheese on rye sandwich. IF You buy a toaster at a local yard sale, make sure no gay and merry-jolly fellow, has done baked a banana and marshmallow graham cracker in the pop-ups toaster oven. The toaster will be so dang broken.
I am not a mechanic with a grass oil lawn spill that needs cleaned up by oil thief halibut, tuna, sunfish, catfish, or fast running creek creeps
bad toad
sore toes
um fishy
scab scale
sold sales
sold souls
shush ups
okay hush

Tigo. Remember IF Ya in a bank
No Roll up thee cannabis sativa
I have nightmares about catfish
' bottom feeders with a whiskey
I have learned so much today.
JK- Mutual of Omaha presents: The Wild Gays in their Natural Habitat. Tonights co-sponsors are Manhunt.com and DudeLube- If you're going to lube a dude it's DudeLube.
Jay- go back and look at praise for the architecture of a twenty year old a Thursdirty Haiku and tell me you don't see hot curves.

Arthur- Not only is it (IL) sometimes ill but it also frequently annoys.
Also I didn't think cow orchestra's had flutes although the earth is warming from so many cow toots
Julie- don't be scared just because we might sit next to you on the bus...
Aim- See gays are educational,
Tijo - gays have been a primary source of my education for quite awhile - that's why I'm so smart.
A friend once told me that you can tell if someone is gay by the way their earlobes are shaped. Seriously.
Annie- this is very true the bisexual Vinnie Van gough was a big old boy chaser until he cut off his ear and then it was just chicks. The old seventies idea that only gays pierced their ears originated from the fact that the piercings were activating the gay gland hidden in the earlobe and releasing gay secretions into the rest of the body. Right on Sister!

Lest we think the crazy ideas above come only from uneducated rabble let's remember that kellogs and graham crackers were founded on the belief that masturbation was caused by spicy foods and that cooling the system with bland foods would keep teenage boys from playing hey diddle diddle with their own little fiddle. And that's a real fact not some silly shit i made up to amuse you like the earlobe thing above.
Love the tags.

(The Tallalulah Bankhead comment was in reference to Tab Hunter, her very gay but very closeted co-star in "The Milk Train Doesn't Stop Here Anymore." I heard him tell that story at the Tennessee Williams Festival a few years ago.)

Really, though, if you can't tell if someone's gay, and you don't know them well enough to ask them, how is it your business?
I was actually expecting to be completely repulsed at the idiocy, which at times I was. However, I was glad to see a few words of wisdom, or at least people stretching their conscience (a good thing).

Thanks for these.
"You could try asking them questions, but if you barely know them, that would be really awkward." You reckon????

wickiwaki, indeed. Great post.
The responses on wiki could be the very same if the question was "how to tell if someone is stupid". Obviously, a lot of the people that responded there most certainly are.
Leeandra- Tab made a film here in my little town with Patrcik Swayze, Jamie Lee Curtis, C. Thomas Howell...big names little movie... Footloose ripoff. I didn't think about Tab one way or another but Pswayze looked like a ten dollar hooker with a pound and a half of make up on. And that was just at dance rehearsal- no cameras. In response to your question, "Pardon me, I don't know you but are you by any chance a weenie washer?" does seem like a little nosey.

Noah- yes it wasn't all bad. And I don't think there was anyone with bad intentions but sometimes you think, "And these are the ones that are on our side."

Charity- Maybe if you worked your way up to it or were subtle. Something like, "Boy is my boss riding my ass lately! Speaking of having your ass ridden..." just a thought.
Cartouche- what's the old quote about it's better to stay silent and have people wonder if you're stupid than to open it and prove it?
This could almost be the start of a routine: "If you suddenly find that you are chewing your friend's chewing gum, and you don't know how it got there, you might be gay..." The naivete is almost charming...
Crap, I winked at a few of my cousins, does that make me gay?

I heard it's okay to suck cock as long as it is done in the sancity of the church....

Wait, what?

If you are over 20 and still like having sleepovers with your "best friend" you might be gay.

Tink- if you are a man with an atomic powered dildo collection you might be a little bi curious at the very least.
Guys who were comfortable touching other guys used to be (likely) gay, but as attitudes become more relaxed in the U.S. it means less and less. In Seattle, I had two neighbors who came from the E. coast; they said they were in culture shock because there were completely straight guys who would be touchy-feely in a way that would be like a neon "GAY" sign flashing above their head back home. As boundaries change it can really be confusing; I actually got kissed on the lips (a peck, but still...) by a straight friend once.

In Turkey the tables are turned - public male-male physical (though not sexual) contact is so common and acceptable (where male-female contact can still be scandalous) that once when I was trying to figure out if a new friend was coming onto me or not, another friend said "no, I don't think so...if he were gay and into you, he wouldn't be walking arm-in-arm with you so comfortably." Here it makes perfect sense, like the straight boy wondering how (or whether) to touch the girl he's into fir the first time.

So this femme dyke is sitting in a lesbian bar one day when a big butch number comes in, hoists herself up onto the barstool next to her and orders a beer. She takes a swig of her beer, then gives the femme a big smile and says, 'So, little lady, what's your name?" The femme smiles back and says "I'm Mary!" "Mary?!" says the butch in scorn, "That's a BOY'S name!"
kipo- it would be interesting to know how homosexuality is expressed in Turkey. How open and expressive can one be there and what is the underground community like? Married with a male lover on the side? Like Mexico. Married and sex on the down low? Like U.S.
Tijo - It's fairly typical Mediterranean in the attitudes. Actually lots has been written on it but the observations, while "right" from a western viewpoint, often see to be stuck in that viewpoint. I guess I need to do a post on it, or at least some aspect of it.
I'll be looking for it.