For those who don't know, Theo was lamenting her current status as an orphaned fag hag. As the ever helpful homo that I try to be I created a virtual fag for her named Bryce until she finds a real live one to call her own again. 

Happy Birthday The... Bryce I'm trying to write! Bryce stop it!

Bryce you are a virtual fag your fag hag is going to imagine you just as she wants It doesn't matter if I think that yellow jockstrap makes your ass look good. Why would you care if she thinks you're sexy? Well there may be other virtual boys there but that's not the point. This is Theo's birthday it's not about YOU YOU YOU it's about HER HER HER. (He doesn't know you very well does he Theo?) What? Bryce I am trying to write a Birthday Post for Theo can you stop interrupting? Yes Bryce you can kick really high but please not right there by the window. Bryce if you are going to practice your high kicks by the window you need something more than a yellow jock on. Yes Bryce I see the feather boa. Yes it is nice the red boa and the yellow jock they certainly do say party. But your ass is also saying party...to the neighbors. Yes it was nice of you to write "blow out this candle!" on the front of your jock. I hope that permanent marker didn't bleed through. Bryce DON"T check to see right in front of the window. Yes he does have one of his own but that doesn't mean it's okay to show him yours. No he isn't interested. Really? Okay, I'll look. Bryce that isn't Mr. Smelddoff that's his wife. Well she's let her self go a bit. No I don't think it's a goatee. I think she's just getting a little hairy in her old age. She's Russian. Well Bryce you're right she does have more hair on her upper lip than you do on your "HooHoo" but you did have a Brazilian for Theo's party. What? Really? And his bubblegum got stuck?  Oh I thought you got a  wax job. People do stupid stuff on drugs.
Okay back to you Theo. I'm getting things all set up for the party tomorrow. The cake is coming. It's a coconut cum cake. cum cake. RUM cake. Dammit Bryce stop pushing that c. Yes Bryce sure it is. Real funny. Could you have some respect? Yes Theo would probably think it's funny, yes Theo would like your yellow jock and your red boa, yes Bryce I'm sure she would like all of... dammit Bryce put that thing away! No I won't help you paint it to look like a candle. No Bryce I'm not looking. I'm not... no it doesn't look like a rash it looks like some one pulled their bubblegum out of there and it's a little irritated. And so am I Bryce. Put it away and get dressed you can't go out like that anyway. Well yes I did Bryce but that was the black and blue ball everyone was dressed that way. And I didn't get into the taxi like that. Okay yes I did get out of the taxi that way but I was drunk. And I've learned from my mistakes that's why I'm telling you...No I don't remember his name. Well I didn't really ask...Look I just figured it was the least I could do after what happened in the back of his cab. BRYCE! stop. Theo is going to be getting angry about this. This post was  supposed to be all about her and her birthday tomorrow. You are supposed to be her virtual fag and she your fag hag. You are supposed to be loyal and considerate is that what you call this? NOW GO SIT DOWN!
So Bryce, If I get you a needle and thread will you sit there silently and sew the sequins on...yes you have to take it off first!. Go get a bathrobeBryce. I'll find the needle and thread. Sorry Theo I gotta go. See you tomorrow night Sweetie.

Stop in tomorrow  everyone for Theo's Birthday Video Extravaganza.