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JUNE 14, 2009 4:45AM

Love in a porno shop --- a true love story Rated X

Rate: 28 Flag

This being Sunday morning, I decided to write something a little naughty, erotica for the neurotica, so to speak, so before you go to church, pull out your best friend and/or lover, put something romantic on the CD player(maybe some Gwar or Megadeth) and make some noise.

This is called, "I met your mother in a porno shop!" a true love story(or not)

Angry Monkey does not approve.  I ran it pass him and he flipped me the bird, literally, it was a flamingo!


I went to the porno shop that night. I was just looking for some new reading material. The big fat lady behind the counter looked at me as I entered the door and smirked.


“Do I make you hot?”she burped and ate what looked like a 16 inch hot dog with extra garlic.


I looked at her and the 12 inch strap on hanging over her head behind the counter.


“Maybe!” I said then moving back a step or two back.


She smirked again and brought her hands to her chest and rolled her hands down her flabby body. “I make you hot! You want to fuck me, right here, right now, you want to stick your little cock inside of me!”


“Maybe,” I said then stopped and took a step forward.  She growled and sooner rather than later, I found myself on the floor, her heavy body slamming up and down on my cock.  She growled again, slapping my face with her chubby hands.


“Why do you sell yourself so short?” she screamed as she threw her head back and her vagina kept slamming up and down on my penis.


I tried to answer, but she put her hands to my mouth, “Don’t ruin the moment with your smart ass answer!”


Ten minutes, timed to the second, customers standing around watching this fuck show, the clerk not caring as she kept riding, harder and harder. Soon, she was screaming again,


“I should have stayed in school, I could be a vice president in charge of marketing or some shit instead of a porno store clerk fucking some geek right here in the store! Fuck me porno store geek!! Fuck me!!”


Again, I tried to say something witty and pornographic but again she put her hands to my mouth, “Don’t speak, it makes me too wet, you’ll slip out!”


I never had that problem before. I smiled and we continued our fuck session right there, the crowd of customers grew larger, some of them stripped naked themselves and began their own fuck session right there, with no qualms except to get each other off.


My clerk and I didn’t notice, we didn’t care, we kept fucking and sucking and then, my clerk lover screamed out, “I’m not the kind of girl you take home to your mother! I’m no good!! I’d be a bad mother for our children!” She slapped me again and then moaned out, “Why are you so sad?”


Again, I tried to say something but again, she put her hand to my mouth, “Don’t speak, I’m almost there, oh god yes, I’m coming, right now, oh god, this is it! Shit!”  She slapped me again hard against the face, then her face went flush, then I felt her body tighten.

“Fuck, oh shit, YES! YES! Call me a dirty name right now!”


I thought for a second.


“You’re a liberal Republican!”


She screamed out, her head thrown back as far as it could go. “Fuck yeah! Oh God! Call me something else!”


Another second past.


“Martha Stewart!”


More moans then I felt her tighten her muscles, her body pulled at my cock, almost ripping it off. I screamed as I felt her body sliding harder and harder, almost scraping the flesh from my cock.


The crowd gathered around even closer, the air growing thinner and thinner. I thought I was dying, my life drifting in front of my eyes, right up to the point I walked into the porno shop.


“Oh…shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiittttttt…” she screamed out, our orgasms ripping through our bodies, my own cock shooting out a mixture of cum and blood.


And then I passed out from the lost of blood.


Thirty years later......


“And that’s how I met your grandma!”


"Shut up! You're ruining the moment!" she bleches out.


"Yes dear..."


Good night and have a better tomorrow.

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"I found myself on the floor, her heavy body slamming up and down on my cock. She growled again, slapping my face with her chubby hands."

if i had a nickel for every time that's happened....
Natalie, down under, oh my is good right? ~grin~

nana, I know, if I had a nickel for every time that happened, well, I could retire!! Yes sir!!
I haven't been to a porn shop in quite a while. But apparently I missed out on this one.


Maybe next time??

What a way to start out a Sunday....

Angry monkey--me thinks doth protests too much??

The cum and blood thing going on is kinda cool. Sometimes ya gotta shake up the old bones on OS.

Pretty good writing, big guy!!

I would respect you in the morning as long as you fucked me long, deep and hard.. LOL
Maybe I need to walk up to some guy and say "Fuck me Now! Right here right now?" You think it would work?
Laughing out loud over here... You are a nut..
A man called me a Republican once and wound up with his balls stuffed in the gaping hole where his adrenal gland used to be.
Luis, oh my yes, the porn shop is the best place to "hang out" on a Saturday night!! Whooohoooo!! ;)

And yeah, got to shake and rattle the bones of OS!!! HEAR ME RATTLE!! Hello? Shoot!! ;)

fireeyes, I would, and wouldn't even say 'I love you' afterwards, I know how you roll!! Whooooooo!!! ;) ~L~

Drew-Silla, I still love you to this day, you make my butthole pucker and unpucker at the mere thought of you!!! MAKE ME BLEED...

oops, I mean, Hi, how are you?

Tink, you're a sick bastard. I hope they don't let you near children. Thanks for the laughs.
Cocoalfresco, nope, not allowed near children, not even my own, which are imaginary!!

"For lo, the people of Gomorrah were fornicators and adulterers and sodomites, and naughty in the eyes of Yahweh."

Ezekiel, 13:6:3
omg YAHWEH pleeeaaaseee do me! Please comment on my blog.
That should add another wrinkle to your scrotum!
yahweh, I am blessed, truly blessed, the God of Gods has blessed me and called me a fornicator!! ~tears~

No, this wasn't the first time I was a fornicator by God, who the hell am I kidding!!!


Michael, at least, maybe more like 25 or more!! EEK!! ;)
I thought that sounded familiar so I looked through my old tapes and I was right. She must have watched that little film I did back in '73. Glad it helped!
This is sort of a parallel universe Penthouse forum story, isn't it?

Hey now! There is nothing, NOTHING, wrong with a ton of garlic.

Or being a liberal (*cough hurl* republican).

As long as it's all washed down with Dr. Pepper ...
It is true. I rented it one night on VHS. The title said "Love on a G-string". I didn't know, I just thought it was gonna be one of those tear-jerker violin movies. I wondered why the picture on the cover didn't look like the Boston Pops. But you failed to mention that slimy dick back in the back... Cheney must have been there shopping for a new butt-plug or something. But the ending was so sad, I wanted to cry. I pulled the tape and through it out the window. My wife was still in a daze trying to figure out that whole strap thing-- one of the neighborhood dogs came over and sniffed at it a little. And then dragged it away. Too bad, since your big come-back, we could have cut it up and had a big Tinker-tape parade down fifth avenue.
Yaweh, please visit Larry Lawson.
I WAS going to go have breakfast, seem to have lost my appetite now. lol.
Goodness gracious, you fornicator!
A masterpiece! Your best work yet. LOVE the ending! I hope everyone sends this to his favorite grandmother.
Very entertaining story. A well written frantic ride. Cool beans man.
I see you invited her to your barbeque the following Saturday.


And she even brought her sisters for desert.


You're just too damned good to keep up with, Tink. Hell, the next thing I suppose you'll be surfing pregnant women.


Tink! That's John's wife you're surfing. I don't know, Butchie instead.
And you weren't even in the US Congress!
Oh Tink I bet you say that to all the girls. Does anyone say I love you in the morning anymore or even respect anyone in the morning? LOL
Oh I roll really good...
Tink, where does this stuff come from? What synapse fire to get this story line germinating in that head of yours?
oh what a nightmare! the cum and blood image will haunt me for the rest of the day. maybe til tomorrow even.
LOL to "liberal republican" now that's dirty!
Ah, Tink -- you get the best comments! This is SO visual! I can totally see it as a movie. Judd Apatow will direct. You will, of course, be played by Seth Rogen (even though you are much handsomer -- definitely push for Paul Rudd). A fine ending, too.
Angry Monkey still does not approve!! MY MIND'S EYE!!! WHERE'S THE BLEACH?!?!?!?!!??!
lifehalflived, and what a great tape it was!!! ;)

OESheepdog, yes, yes it is!! ;)

AnniThyme, oh my yes, anything is good with Dr. Pepper!!! ;)

Mr e, I love parades!! ~crying~ Stupid dog!!! :(

Larry, I know, some day soon I'll write a true porno story full of lustful everything. It'll be a jerker or something!! ~nodding~ :)

BuffyW, I'm sorry, but heck, breakfast can wait anyways, it's lunch that matters, no one ever says, "I just lost my breakfast!!" ;)

Owl, it's good to be the fornicator!!! ;)

Steve, me too, I'd send it to my grandmothers, but they're both passed on to that great porn theater in the sky!! :(

micalpeace, thank you kind sir!!!

Boomer Bob, I have been surfing pregnant women since 1983!!!! :)

old new lefty, but I once was almost elected to city council. Only 33,267 votes and wham, I would have been Councilmen Tinkerer R. Tink, attorney at law or something. :)

fireeyes, I'll still respect in the money, least till noon....~giggle~ ~smooch~

Gwool, sometime soon I will post about where my stories come from(it involves lots of drugs and a visit to a pyschotherapist!! ;) )

General Brady, I believe Yahweh is some congressman from Ohio. I get a lot of congressmen reading me but this is the first time they have commented. ~nodding~

~bowing down before her~ ;)

trig, I know, I'm a dirty little Tink. ~giggle~ ;)

Larry, you Canadians are very advanced. I am awe struck everytime you, General Brady, and other Canadians I know tell me of your super country. Some day, when I get enough enough pineapple collected to go along with the Canadian bacon you have up there, I will come and live and study your great culture.

I also hear that Mexico has some good drugs, so I might stop there first, to bring up some good stuff to go with the bacon. Viva La Americas!! WE HAVE EVERYTHING EUROPA DOESN'T!!!


suzie, HBO is trying to make it along with other stories of mine into a series called, "Tiny PeePee" to maybe air after "HUNG", I am hoping soon as Angry Monkey is my manager and is in talk with them!! :)

Angry Monkey, here's the bleach, now get back into that office with HBO and get me my show!!!
ride em cowboy. or get ridden by em. I love it when you talk dirty to us.
I hope this is how the series "How I Met Your Mother Ends".
Tijo, I try to save a horse at least twice a week by riding a cowboy!! ;)

Wait, what? ~hehehe~

Cridd, thank you very much! :)

Tanpopo, I kind of do too, then I can sue them!! ;)
tai, I know, %06045@#@$$!!!!!

what's up with drew-silla and adrenal glands? oh, i mean, good post.
The usual madness I see.
Cap'n, I'm not sure, I think it has something to do with tax laws!! ~shrug~ :)

Peter Hilton, I know!!!! Madness!! :)
Tink I re-read it again.. Didn't work.. Nope! Hey maybe I need to move to the city and get away from all this fresh country air, and damn it it won't stop storming.. LOL !!!!
Oh at least you still respect with money and at least until noon. Most of the time you would be gone by then anyway..lol Or asleep...lol
Hey FE, I just told you, I'll bang ya anytime anyplace you want!! Whooo!!

~BANG BANG BANG~ Triple bang!!! EEK!! ;D
Tink- Yeah you just told me that you would BANG me anytime and anywhere... You are on... You had better have a very high sex drive, but I guess I can give you time to rest off and on and we will have to eat sometimes too.. LOL
Love the Triple BANG!!
I have a very high sex drive, it keeps all my porn, it's called my C: drive!!! Teeheehee!!!!. What?

Tink-- ROTFLMAO!!! OMG!! That is too funny.. Hey at least you have a good C:drive.. LOL