Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
JUNE 18, 2009 4:10AM

Cute kittens + Tink's usual crazy post = True Confession

Rate: 17 Flag

 

AHFramed8501

NUMMY! NUMMY! NUMMY! ICE CREAM NUMMY! PURRRR! EVERY DAY SHOULD BE ICE CREAM SOCIAL DAY!!!! PURR! NUM! NUM! PURRRRRR!

You ever been so burned out on life, sex, drugs, rock and roll  and everything that you just want to come in, heavy metal suicide playing hard in your Walkman(MP3 player for you hip techno cats out there!!!!), your rocket launcher just blowing your work place up in glorious 3-D goodness as VPs of Diddly Squat explode in something known as Superesq(no, it's not a word!) Bloody-DVision(Patent Pending)?

Yeah, me neither. (Good thing for violent video games though, can release some of that violence tendencies on the screen rather than Real-Life where there's no reset button or ReSpawn!! Cheat codes are your friend, God mode + unlimited ammo = Die alien scum!!!)

heavs
"Wow Sid! This Tink fellow sure is violent! Look at what he posted right up there!!! We should report him!"

Work sucks but I can't write about that because well, my HR department has said saying bad things about my work in my blog is grounds to having my testicles removed. Haha! Fooled them, my testicles were removed years ago by the spousal unit, she took them when I said, "I do!" Haha! FOOLS!

I don't write a lot about my work in my blogs, especially this one, I don't want to depress my readers, so I don't write about the bad things at work, except for maybe a letter to my benefits department about their database fuck up, but that was just good clean American bitching.

cute-kittens-2
ADVICE FROM THE PROS(as stolen from Dan Rather): Pictures of cute kittens make any article a classic, one that will be remember, for cute kittens. You could write about killing your entire family including your elderly grandmother with a dull spoon and right in the middle of it, you post a picture of some cute kittens or even a picture of some cute puppies, and the readers will be like, "Damn that was some cute kittens and/or puppy dogs! What was the article about? Oh yeah, cute kittens and/or cute puppies!"
 

Tonight I'm just stumped as to what to write. I was going to write a movie review for a couple of bad pornos from 2006 I watched a few weekends ago. Actually, I had a really good review written up in the old Open Editor thingie a bob that night but, well, somehow, not sure how, I ended up doing some key stroke combination(Ctrl-Alt-Erase my entire article as I hit the next letter in the sentence I'm writing) and whoosh, the 59 page award winner for sure was gone, completely and utterly gone. I cried. Real tears.

I took Ed I Tor's name and added some curse words on the end of it.  Okay, not really, but I said something like F8CK, PLACK, AUSTRALLIAN WHALE HUMPER!!! And then I tried to rewrite it but then I pushed SAVE DRAFT and walked away. 

The original title with two words are still waiting for me to come back and finish it, but I can't, I'm stumped. Are you guys ready for a movie review of  a fine picture named 'Latex' and 'MILF 2'? 

Soon, I believe, soon!

God-kills-kitten
heavs 
"Dear God who art in Heaven, don't let Tink read those porno mags he bought the other night! We don't want to die!!"

I guess I could write something about my multiple personalities but right now, with all the confessions of MPs going on, it just wouldn't be right. I'd just get lost in the whole Drew-Silla is really Brad Pitt and JK Brady is really some spanish pool boy from New York City. 

Besides, LuisG and nana are already confused enough with Trig's confession that he's really a she-demon from the fifty second ring of Hell without me telling folks my real name is Cindee and I'm a protoctoligst from New Jersey. It would just make the whole world of OS go, "Jesus Christ, is anybody really who they say they are?"

And of course the answer is, 'No, no they're not!'

funny_647
Henry the hound was about to learn that his "present" from Lou D. Housekat was really a trip to the vet to get neutered! SURPRISE!!!
 

I think one time I had hundreds of alter-egos online in some form or another.  The Internet is like one big moving picture show, if you let it.  You can be that hot young latino playboy who, when he's not jetting across the world, he's fighting crime with his sidekick Orangejello!!

OR you can be that hot and sexy lady with the big brown eyes that all the boys desire but she only has eyes for the Pope!

Yes, my friends, you can even come on here,  tell everyone you're a 6'2, 247 pound information technology worker who during his off days writes love poetry to some general up in Canada who turned out to really be an auto mechanic named Butch from Dallas Texas but it didn't matter, that computer operator was still in love, even if it was Butch, at least he could fix a 83 Buick! And really, in the end, isn't that what matters?

dog-cat-noses
"You sure do look different than your profile picture!"
 

Of course now, if you use your alter-egos to steal money, chickens, sexy good time from people, then it's wrong to play virtual dress up.  But it is okay if said people sign release forms stating that they like playing 'I've been cheated by Tink!'.

I'm just saying.

Okay, okay, I hear you out there going, "Yeah! Tink is still telling us fibs!! That's not his real pic in his profile! I bet he's really a dog!" And well, you've discovered my horrible, horrible secret. I'm not really a computer technician for the mob. I stole someone's identity and used it to have sexy good times with many!!

TRUE CONFESSIONS OF A ONLINE DECIEVER

BeachtanBabe_26_110x110 

Hello, my real name is Angela Smithe, the 'E' is silent.  This is my real picture. I didn't want people just reading me for my boobs  but for my crazy writings and mad skills at creating zany tags that have no use really other than amusing people.

My real career is I am an adult webcam star who just wanted to be loved for my brain rather than my vagina!

 I created the profile of TinkererTink69 and discovered people responded well, some I became really close to, family like. Some I even had online love affairs with. You know who you are(HI ED!!!)

I held in the secret for as long as I could but it was starting to eat at me, this horrible horrible lie.  The fat and kind of cute if you took your glasses off computer operator you fell in love with, was really some online adult star.

I just couldn't go on anymore. I had to tell my story to someone and I told Ed I. Tor the real story, over the phone, so he could hear my real voice(I paid some actor I knew to record the voices heard on nana's post awhile back!).

Ed was quiet, then, with not even a break in his voice, he told me, "You need to come clean to your fans!" and hung up.

We never spoke again after that phone conversation.

So tonight, at the end of a nice post about kittens and Tinkerertink69 blowing up his work, I decided to 'come out of the closet' so to speak and confess!

Good night and have a better tomorrow.....


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You don't have to specifically write something, my friend. Just write what you feel, good or bad. That's what 99% of writers do anyway.

And most of the time that's the best kind of writing because you put yourself on the line. Readers can sense that, and that's what I got with this piece.

If you're trying to hide something, you're as obvious as an elephant skipping at the park. You can't help but notice. But there's nothing wrong with it.

I'm sorry work sucks eggs big time. Nothing is always photos of kitties and puppies. Sometimes it's everything but that.

But don't be too hard on yourself. You must realize you're basically the only person here who writes the way you do. No one will ever confuse you with anyone else.

To me, I think that's pretty good, big guy!

No matter how you feel right now, you're a good egg!
So YOU'RE Drew-Silla. I always doubted the "computer operator" thing myself, though I'm sure most of your lesser fans were taken in by it, and by the cute kitten routine as well. I've noticed for months your uncanny ability to include shots of pets, or of your sister sitting on a toilet sticking her tongue out, to distract people right at the parts of your posts where little signs indicating your alter-egitude were sticking through. I've got to admit though, you being that bitchy vamp chick is a lot better than me being her because, frankly, if she was me it means I couldn't go out with her.
Luis, yeah, sometimes you just got to be who you are and I try to do that every day of my lif....yeah, who am I kidding, here's the truth, I hide behind a lot of masks, just easier than letting people see behind the mask!! ~nodding~

That and it's sticky hot tonight right now in my computer room, when I get sticky sweaty hot, I get, well, kittens are the best I can do sometimes!! :)

I've got a true confession, I did an experiment awhile back, created an alter ego and wrote the most depressing thing I could write about, serious stuff all purely fiction, and it got EPed and put on the cover, so I was like, holy Jesus Christ that's got to be a flux, so I wrote another piece, more depressing than the first, nobody knew it was me, and for the love of all might Ed picked it and put it on the cover and that article got like 6k hits and is still growing, I was like, Jesus H. Murphy, so I came back over here and used the same formula on one of my stories as Tink and you know what, No pick, no cover, but people sent me PMs wondering if I was okay. That was neat, better than a pick, or a cover or some editor from some big city newspaper who wanted to publish that second piece. EEK!!! ~hugz to all~

The moral of the above story is 'People, don't let your alter egos write better than you do!!!! Seriously, it'll depress the hell out of you!!!' TEARS!!

nana, I've PMed you my real phone number, call me, we'll do lunch, naked!! ~wink~

Wait, oops, I mean, YES, I AM DREW-SILLA!!!!! AND TRIG PALIN TOO IT WOULD SEEM!! I AM SORRY TO HAVE FOOLED YOU, MY BROTHER!!!!!

Crap, does that mean we can't date anymore??

I won't tell if you don't tell.
Aww pretty kitties.

Why is it always Australian whales?
Natalie, I have a confession just for you, I am really just an Australlian whale!! *tears*

I know, all these months, and you could have been throwing me fish!! GOD!!

:)
Oooh, kitties! More kitties! MOAR KITTY OVERLOAD!!!!!
Sorry Tink, what were you saying aga- YET MOAR KITTIES!!!!
i LOVE the kitties. love love love. thank you. bad bad bad day that started okay. painbody's been complaining, about nothing. but enough that i got another notice of disturbance. so i've been batshit most of the day. i hear her clogging all day and i'm the disturbance. sorry, there's no sex in this story. lvoe lvoe lvoe
Cymraeg, that's what I'm talking about!! :) KITTIES!!!!!!

Theo, glad the kittens could be of some use!! Stupid clogger upstair! She needs to get a notice of disturbance!!!! Right up the asshole!! ~nodding~
the good times are killing me, tink. thanks.
I always knew it. What confirmed it was when you captioned one of the kittens as saying, "don't let Tink read those porno mags he bought the other night!" No REAL Man ever reads porn!

BTW, the "real" you looks like a Naughty School.cum model. Not that I visit those sites.
There,don't you feel better now?
Cute kittens.... I was going to say something else but I forgot what it was about. Cute kittens, tho. Oh and I want to be a pool tech or a beach lifeguard - I mean I already am both (well pool lifeguard but ready to trade the concrete for the sand), I just don't get paid for it. =-\
The kittens did their work. I'm not even sure what this post was about . . . nice kittys . . . awwww ;~)
Tink, the Bastard Operator From Hell would be so proud of you he'd reconnect the (l)users' thinwire to the 220V mains....
Cocoalfresco, yeah, they're not helping me either. Ya ever notice that about the time you're ready to try and sleep, the noises of the house and/or thunderstorms decide to hit, all at the same time?

Yeah, neither do I!!! 10am!?!?!?!?! Sheesh....sleepy needs to hit soon...:(

Trudge, Yeah, I dropped the ball(s) on that one!! Teeheehee!

Peter Hilton, actually, after I wrote this, confessed my sins, I felt worse and now can't sleep!! ~Pout~

JK Brady, I'm glad we can still be friends and I hope one day that you and I will be able to roll around with the pool boy in a big pool of oil!!

Wait, what? ~teeheehee~

ApacheSavage, CUTE KITTENS!!!! AHHHHHH!! :)

Owl, this article was about the kitties!! And the puppies. Did you see them too? I mean, its always about the kittens and the puppies.
Boanerges1, I can only hope to one day to be as good as BOFH....:)
Oh man -- this morning I actually OPENED my credit card statement & I'm like $600 over what I can actually PAY, plus I'm already living a month ahead of myself...but then I read this post & saw the adorably CUTE KITTENS & discovered you're really a porn star with no balls since you said "I do" & bizarrely I feel SOOO much better now. Thanks, Tink! (now I'm off to scan cat photos & sell myself for cash.)
I love your writing, but stay away from my kitten.
Cool. Do a three-for-one next time! (Nice kitties).
Hi smoochies! Youse ARE good good kitties, yes you are.

(I talk to animals on my computer screen just like I do in real life.)
I think it's true - that your comments are almost equal to your post!
I don't think I've ever commented on your blog. Now I'm a subscriber.
see, suzie... the wonder that is the tinkertot!!! he solves all problems or at least puts them in perspective.

tinkertonk -- please ask General Brady to get off her General ass and read my very dark Brushes with Death post about the lighter side of suicide. i know you read and lurrrrved that one. she needs to know that she can do dark comedy with me ANYTIME. just like you. love love love
suzie, you're very welcome!!! Yep, kittens just melt away the pain!! Welp, I got to go sell blood, urine and semen to pay my house payment.

AHHHHH!! CUTE KITTEN!! :)

littlewillie, but it's soooo cute!! ;)

Steve, Sometime soon I'll do the three way!! Whoooo!! :)

aim, I think we all do!!! ~nodding~ ~grin~

Theo, you and General Brady should do a dark horse comedy together about two wild and wild ladies taking to the highways of the Americas!!!

You two could shoot uh plastic horses!! ~nodding~ Dark plastic horses. :)
Everybody got to love cute kitties!! :D