I know some of you have been following my "How to find yourself a date in 10 short days" or whatever the series should be named. I have hundreds if not three messages of people telling me how much success they've had following my articles on dating.
They're telling me that they've had zero success!
I'm sorry.
Tonight, I decided to strike out into a chatroom and well, I wanted to bring you along with me.
Because I'm sick that way. And you still love me. I think you love me because I am sick, in that naughty kind of way.
I decided to use a really hot sexy name for tonight's adventure. Ima HotCorn Butterme (IHB for short) seemed to work well in the past, oops, I mean, this was my first time trolling in a chatroom for hot talking dirty.
I created my own room calling it butter and waited for the private messages. They soon came(pun intended).
This is the transcript from tonight. I will call this session 'Dumnutz 1.1'
DISCLAIMER --- Lots of hot sexy and naughty speak. Beware. Notes added by me to increase the use of the bold action.
UseMyWife - Hi. (NOTES FROM ME -- Very friendly chatter. Most times, you just get straight to the fun.)
IHB - Hi. (NOTES FROM ME -- I'm friendly back!)
UseMyWife - So do you want to use my wife? (NOTES FROM ME -- Now we get straight to the nitty gritty. EEK!!!)
IHB - Sure why not? Can she cook and clean the kitchen and stuff?
UseMyWife - Yeah. She can do other things as well, if you know what I mean.
IHB - She does windows? Awesome. Send her over right know.
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush.
IHB - Black bush? She kills trees?
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush.
IHB - Uh, okay. So she does windows but not too good with plants eh?
UseMyWife - She likes sex.
IHB - While she's doing the windows? Kinky.
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush.
IHB - You told me that already. So does she have big breasts?
UseMyWife - Yes, big oenes! (NOTES FROM ME --- I'm not sure what a oenes is, but I bet they're hot.)
IHB - Awesome. Is she there with you right now?
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush.
IHB - No, no, I asked if she's there with you right now. I want to talk to this lady, your wife, that you want me to use.
(NOTES FROM ME --- I had to wait a few minutes for UseMyWife to get his wife. While I was waiting, a new player privated me.)
Curious wife - Hi (NOTES FROM ME --- Yes, she's also very friendly.)
IHB - Hi (NOTES FROM ME --- Yes, thanks, I am very polite as well. Mama didn't raise no rude asshole! A pervert, yes, rude, no way!)
Curious wife - Describe yourself
IHB - Male. In about an hour, I'll be 38, 6 foot 2, brown eyes, 240. How about you?
(NOTES FROM ME --- I'm guessing I shouldn't have told the truth cause she didn't say another word. Oh well, that's okay, cause UseMyWife came back.)
UseMyWife - She's here.
IHB - Where? I don't see her on the list of chatters.
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush.
IHB - She's making me hot right now. Is she nekkid?
UseMyWife - She wants to be impregnatde by you. (NOTES FROM ME --- his words, I think the one hand typing started to get to him.)
IHB - Damn, your wife is fast. We just met but okay.
UseMyWife - Can I watch as you ues my wife?
IHB - No. You have to stay outside as I 'impregnatde' your wife. You're too naughty to watch.
UseMyWife - She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush. (NOTES FROM ME --- Yes, he does seem very proud of his wife's stats.)
(NOTES FROM ME --- About this time, another person decided they wanted to chat with me, I believe, they thought I was of the female species that wear no panties)
Daddy4U - I'm going to spank you for being such a naughty slut! (NOTES FROM ME --- Damn, how does he know me so well already? No, I don't respond to this one, I'm too wore out from the hot sex with UseMyWife's wife. She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush! I log out.)
So here's some rules for chatting, if you ever decide that you too want to have sexy good time.
1) Choose a sexy name such as LooseDenture4U.
2)If they ask you for your 411, tell them you're dead. Been so since 1781. Trust me, the true lovers will stay, the freaks will run away screaming.
3)Never tell a chatter which private room you are in. Tease them, tell them you're in a great big orgy and they have to prove themself in private messages first.
4)If it takes longer than 3 posts to get to the sexy good time, then just wander off because there are always more fish in the sea.
5)If the fish stop biting, then change your name to something like IKISSYFACE and you'll get more bites. Of course, it'll probably be the same people, but hey, we're not here looking for love but to type dirty.
6)If asked after 10 posts if you came, lie and say yes, then log off before they ask for your email address. Be a total mysterious slut. Teeheehee!
Good night and have a better tomorrow.
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Comments
You make-a me ............ laugh! Good post! Rated cause you're "sick, in that naughty kind of way." ;)))))
"IHB - Male. In about an hour, I'll be 38, 6 foot 2, brown eyes, 240. How about you?"
HAHAHAHAHA!!
I tried your advice... no go dude.
Maybe I should have tried some better names or something.
I tried "Geritol" first, but all I got was a come-on from a toothless, one-eyed midget in drag.
So I changed it again to: "ImaCop". I didn't see anybody using that one, so I figured that would probably be a good one. But as soon as I showed up and said "Hello", the whole room cleared out. I don't really get it-- was it something I said? I'm confused.
I did get a better reaction when I changed it to "JailBait4U". I got flooded with pictures from goofy guys sending me pictures of their talleywackers.
Why do people get so hung up with the name anyway? After that JailBait4U fiasco, I figured I'd try something wittier, so I tried out "CerealKiller" and "CreepyGuy". I figured they would definitely be conversation starters-- you know, kinda show people I have a sense of humor and all... but nothing. I didn't get any replies at all except for this one guy "HandsUpFBI". I didn't reply to him though-- he was kinda freaking me out with all his handcuffs talk and stuff like that-- kept telling me what he wanted to do to me with his night stick.... you know, there are some really sick people out there.
Then I changed it to "BikerBitch" and that's when I started getting some real action! There was this one girl who started getting all hot and heavy with me... kept talking about herms and ferms... Say, does anybody know what a "kiki" is???
I tell ya-- its hard to figure out a good name to use online. I guess this new-fangled stuff just isn't for me.
OH YEAH-- Happy B-Day dude!
Kisses!
Marcela
You write some crazy shit, I don't know why I would repeatedly come back here and read line upon line about nutty hetero freaky sex and the pursuit of it let alone finish reading, smiling and thinking what a glorious retard you are and how glad I am that you are a neighbor here in OSville. If I ever needed a baby sitter you'd be the last person I'd call but if I got one you'd be one of the first people I'd call to go out and party with. Anyway happy birthday you stupid fuck and I hope I can tell you the same thing again in a year. XOXO u 8=>
zashin, Whooohooo!! Maybe tomorrow!! ;)
Ralph, She's 43. Dark hair. Black bush. Whooo!! ;)
cartouche, toast me lightly at first, damn sunburn I got today!! EEK!! :)
Ralph, nope, I'm 38, I think!! :)
scanner, yeah, 70s bush can be fun, but remember, be careful, you don't want to choke!! EEK!! :) And yeah, I got me a new car, whoooo!!! And yeah, the owner dude was mad, especially when I threw him out of the car at 85 mph. :( ~grin~
Umbrellakinesis, twisted and loveable!! ;) Tankees and welcome on the video!! :)
nanatehay, I thought about that too, but then I was like, NOBODY would tell a lie online. Only a sick asshole would do something like that.
~grin~
Steve, thanks, though I still have emails to read, so my luck might change!! Whooo!! :)
littlewillie, remember to hold your branches out. I hear you get more people stopping by to water your plants. Whatever the hell that means.
Michael, thankies!!!!
Jimenace, thankies to you too! :)
scupper, I tried to blow but I passed out. Getting old sucks!! And not in that good way! ~boohoohoo~ ~grin~
Luis, I know, I need better lines!! ~pout~ ~:D
Mr E, yeah, I've discovered that a 'girly' sounding name such as CockTeaser or Wetpanties4u, will get more bites in most chatrooms. But caution, you'll discover a whole new world of HardDaddy4U and BedWetter4u will make an appearence. :)
Cap'n, ahhhhh!! ~hug~
Theo, it's all good, you caught me on the day of my B-day!! Whoooo!! ~hug~ Hope you get feeling better.
Marcela, the plans were to find hot women to call me a dirty whore! The closest thing I got was my sister called me up and called me a dirty whore. It's like a tradition or something!! ~:)
Tijo, you know, my sister told me the exact same thing, ~tears of joy~ I think you're pretty cool too!! :)
Mr. Mustard, If this is being lost, I don't ever want to be found. ~:)
ButchyBabbles, you're very welcome!! ~grin~
Dr Spudman, yeah, that's about the same amount of luck I had!! ~boohoohoo~ Someday I should do real research on these articles before releasing them!! EEK!! :)
Sick,and naughty?
I love it.
87 would be cool too!!
Can I give the first round of birthday spankings?? C'mere you...
(I am assuming you will be wanting multiple rounds...)
tai, All I can say is, LAUGHING...:D
zuma, oh, I'm keeping it all inside and ready. Wait, what? :)
By the way, when you run out of things to say to the dirty chatters, words of one syllable like, "yes", "yum" and "ouch" and "more" usually evoke interesting responses. ;)
Great post! Thanks for the laugh.
fireeyes, ~nodding~ sometimes it's best to just run away!! Sometimes though, it's fun!! Teeheehee!! ;)
And g,g,google has captured the lot in their cache.
"FRed google cache please boy - there's a good Siamese".
And g,g,google has captured the lot in their cache.
"FRed google cache please boy - there's a good Siamese".