Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
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July 16
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President and CEO of Your Mom
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Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
JUNE 1, 2010 4:51PM

Al and Tipper Gore split? What hope for love!?

Rate: 28 Flag

I was heading over to my email when I noticed the headline on MSN.

Al and Tipper Gore, after 40 years of marriage, are calling it quits!! Oh my god, how it made my heart weak, as I read the headline, I thought, "What hope is there for love for me?" and I began to cry.

Then I opened my email. I had a private message from someone over at Open, a Baby Spanker or something, I don't remember, so I rushed over here to read my newest love!


Hi How are you? i hope all is well with you, i hope you may not know me, and i don't know who you are, My Name is Miss esther, i am just broswing now i just saw your profile it seams like some thing touches me all over my body, i started having some feelings in me which i have never experience in me before, so i became interested in you, l will also like to know you the more,and l want you to send an email to my email address(esther_baby2009@yahoo.com) so l can give you my picture for you to know whom l am. I believe we can move from here! I am waiting for your mail to my email address (esther_baby2009@yahoo.com) (Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life) miss esther


Oh Open, lovely dear Open, how I love thee, in my darkest hours, you know, you just know, I am in need of love, and you send them to me, thank you Thomas, Dear Editor, who filled in the shoes of Judy who was vaporized by aliens who knew she was the queen of the Glebmars, for letting these dear letters of love come to me.

And I respond as such.....


edmorton1 Ed's new picture thanks to LuisG suggestion.  Ohhhhlaaaaalaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! :D

Hey there Esther, All is well with me!!!!! It very hot though down here in Crawfish, Kentucky, where I am a bull inseminator just like my daddy was before he got kicked in the head by the bull he was trying to inseminate, poor dear pappy, he didn't see what was coming at him, until it was too late!! Done kicked him in the head and he was dead.  Mama cried for so long, we thought we was going to have to put her down like we did the bull but then she quieted down, after we gave her some horse tranquilizers!!!! We first thought we had killed her but she was just a very sound sleeper!!

 

But she fine now. 

 

My name is Ed Fartes.  You don't have to call me Mister Ed as that's an old joke I grew tired of in the fifth grade.  I am now graduating from the sixth grade.  I have a brother named Edward and a sister named Cindee who the folks in town call an added asset or something.  She was called "The best dancer" at Sid's Erotic Dance and Massage and Car Wash two years in a row.

 

We's are so proud.

 

I'm glad my profile over at Open made you a quiver and shake in your body and you became interested in me.  Sometimes, my profile has the opposite effect and it repels people as it makes them throw up and die.  I guessing we can move on from here to maybe kissy kissy time soon, as long as you ain't no refugee in some camp where your only access to the computer is through some reverend or nun or something who just happens to be not too far from the camp.  I been conned by a lady or ten who said the exact same thing, and when I show up at that camp, there ain't nobody there by that name, so instead, I end up having to rescue a bunch of strangers from the refugee camp and that pastor fellow, tries to touch my ass!!!!!!!

 

Anyways, I have attached a picture of myself, I like to play doctor with my cousins and also my sister, she gives the best examination. Do you have any brothers and sisters who can examine you?

 

I am also very religious and belong to the Church of the Holy Ram, where we make sacrifices to our lord and saviour, Hank. We tried human sacrifices a few times, but that only seem to get us in trouble with the law, so we now stick to just sacrificing our dignity! Do you go to church?

 

I like your thinking, "Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life"  That's beautiful.   I love LOVE so much, I like to kissy kissy lots too!! Do you like to kissy kissy? I hope so, please send picture(preferably with you holding a lsign that reads, I LOVE KISSY KISSY!!! That would mean so much to me. Specially if you was blowing a kiss to me as a well!!)

 

Loves and kissy kissy,

 

Ed


Again, thank you Open, without your Spaminator 10,000 not sending me these love letters, I'd have no new material to write!! ~TEARS~

Good night and have a better tomorrow.

P.S.

DAMN YOU AL AND TIPPER GORE, GET BACK TOGETHER!!!!! DO KISSY KISSY TIME!! IF BILL CAN DO KISSY KISSY TO TIPPER, YOU CAN AL!!!!!!!

Thank you.

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Comments

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Oh this was funny..
I am surprised they lasted that long Tink.. He's a playaaaaaaaaaaa isn't he? :)
Rated with hugs and a 'tipper' of the hat :)
Oh wow! What's the chance of meeting your sister? She sounds like my kind of lady....of course you have to promise not to tell Mel and just keep this between me and you, right buddy? Uh? Right??
Please. I'm in mourning. I thought their love was eternal...sniff...sniff...ahhhhCHOOOO!!!!
Ed, you bear a striking resemblance to Ryan Gosling in your new picture. I'm sure your mail has picked up already. Al and Tipper have hung on as long as they can. It'll be okay.
Lezlie
One thought, who would want Al Gore.....ugggggg......
I wish your true love would find you :)
Linda, ~nodding~ I know, 40 years with the man who invented the Internet??? EEK!! Ultra-Geeky!!!!! EWWWWW!! ;D

Torman, ~nodding~ Sure!!! I'll keep it a secret, she could torture me and I'd stand steady!! Won't make any promises if she resorts to offering me apple pie!! ;D

Matt, I sorry!! ~tears~ Sad, sad news!! I wonder if Tipper is ready to date yet? :D

L, yeah, Ed has been told he could be a twin brother to Ryan Gosling!!!! ;D And I'm hoping for replies. I had to do something, Glads only gets to the computer Mondays and Fridays!! I can't run a daily column with that!! :D
Lunch Lady, me too!!! ~tears~ I hope someday Cindy Crawford discovers I'm her true love!! BOOHOOHOO!! :D
clever, and, I never voted for him, but it was a bummer to me. modern life i guess.
God.

Good for Al and good for Tipper.

And Ms Ester spammed me TWICE. She didn't say the magic word, though.
You take my picture, put it on you site, and don't even credit me? I smell "Dust-Up!
I'm so jealous of Ed. I feel so lonely by comparison. Wait, Tipper's back on the market??!!
Kathy, ~tears~ Yeah!!! :( :)

Don, seriously though, it did catch me off guard. I was like, damn, really? Out of the folks I thought they'd be announcing a split up, it wasn't Al and Tipper!!! EEK!!

Nick, yeah, she's spammed me before but I thought, why not give her some hope too!! ;D

scanner, I asked your agent and he said it was okay!! ;D
I am sad about Al and Tipper. Great writing though.
rated
Cranky, I know!!! Tipper!! Tipper!! She's sooooo hot!!!!! I already sent her an email, told her I got my Twisted Sisters albums all ready for her!! ;D
mical, ~nodding~ It sure was a surpriser for me. EEK! I mean, I could see a story Bill and Hillary split, but Al and Tipper?? What the....
Shoot...she's a slut..she wrote to me today too and I wrote her back. Damn. Two timing whacko.
Hold on there! I just read Scanners comment. You dawg you Tinkerbell.
Just blew coffee out of my nose! Gah!

Please don't tell me you got one from Tatiana? My new Russian love? She would like very much to send pictures to her (I think she meant send them to 'me', but it's okay. I've sworn my undying promise to help her overcome her language deficiency.) All I know is that we are in love, for sure. She's been looking for a hot, sexy man like me since she saw her profile.

;)

rated for: sheesh i needed that!
MyEyes, I know, I know, I'm such a dawg!!! WOOOFFFF!! WOOOOFFFF!! ;D
Tricia, oooh, sounds like true love indeed. Those Russian gals are really nice!! I had a few Russian ladies try to get into my heart and pants, but I said, NO PICTURES OF YOU HOLDING SIGN THAT SAYS I LOVE YOU, BEN AFLECK!! then no kissy kissy!! :D
Just another case of global warming.. or is it just a cold, cold heart?
Ric, I think it's the global warming thing, made them split apart and drift away!! WAAAAA!! :D
LadyHistory, I might, but I'm weird like that!! ;D
I am super sad about the Gores. They seemed like a couple for the ages. Not so. Very sad.

As for the rest of your post...love it! I have not gotten this kind of spam yet, so I'm waiting for a chance to tell my own story to someone. The story where I'm a aerial stuntwoman/wingwalker who does shots of tequila on the wings. Also, I accidentally married my brother, but our cyclops child caused our love to die and he got full custody because it was later proven in court that I wasn't the real mother. Now I'm living in an Airstream trailer, traveling from town to town and banging carnies on the side. I have a dog named "Pancake" and I make my own meth on the days I'm not on the wings.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Boy, mid-life crisis is a bitch, ain't it? What's up with these guys dumping their loyal and faithful wives after all the crap they put up with for decades?

I dare Bill to leave Hillary! If he does, he'll leave without his balls because she carries them in her purse anyway!


Rated for the insanity that is Tink!
Kat, **TEARS** I so hope that you soon get your own love/spammer so you can tell that story, it made me weep until I stopped!! :D

Diva, Bill can always buy himself some new balls!! I seen where doctors are now re-attaching fake ones!!!!! Isn't that awesome??? ;D
Tink, all of the great PMs of a love connection nature seem to be headed towards your mailbox!
design, I know!! My email box from which I have started my letters of love to these folks also has seen an increase in 'Nigerian London Lottery' and other such things. I am not only rich in love, but in $$$ as well!! ;D
how come you get street fighter II ad and i get slappy hands?
and - do you get private message spam crap? how can that work? i want some o' that axshun.
kissy-kissy all same
Tipper and Al Gore. World's most boring divorce trial. You all know that she's the one who got "parental warnings" put on CDs, etc. Just in case you wanted to pretend you cared. And so Walmart would know what not to carry.
Tink, your Ed Fartes is a man-slut!
diana, I'm just cool like that!! STREET FIGHTER!!! WOOOO!! WOOOO!! ;) That and I pay Editor fifty bucks a month to give me the cool ads!! ;D

nola, I know, Tipper was all over that "Damn devil music" way back when!!!!!!!! I bet she's hot in the bed!! What? ;D
I know, I know, he kissy kissy with anybody!! ;D
Nows your chance, dude. Just think about it, Tink & Tipper listening to satanic rock music under the moon light/streetlight/nightlight/underthecoverswithaflashlight.

BTW, did you know that Tipper's middle name is Ester?

P.S. If you're having second thoughts, just think how kinky Tipper is. She's been having sex with a zombie for the last 40 years. I'm sure you will be at least a mild improvement over him!
Surprised by Al and Tipper but on reflection, not very interested.

Ed's new look, though - very interested.
Amy, I know, right? I just sent Tipper an email, you'd be amazed how easy it was to find her email address. I just went to Google typed in Tipper Gore's email address and woooosh, there it was hankypankylacydainty@gmail.com!!! OH MY GAWD!! I hope she responds, her adultfriendfinder ad was HOT!!!! Wonder what Toilet play is?

~wanders off~ :D
sixtycandles, I know, but I've been trying to learn how to optimize my search thingies!! You'd be surprise how many people are looking for NUDE PHOTOS OF TIPPER GORE right now!! :D

Yeah, Ed got a hair cut!! :D
Tink, its not really Esther, its just Tipper reaching out to you.
You frightened me terribly with this. xox
Bernadine, really??? Man, I hope so, I am sooooo in love with Tipper!!! :D

Robin, It's okay, I'm better now. I just thought to myself, "I have true love!! Right here!" ~points to his crotch~ :D
Ah Tink, you always have a way of putting into words exactly what I would like to say to Ms Esther et al who feel the same way about me! God bless you Tink!
I emailed your blog to Tipper, and she's getting back together with Algore. Something about she's seen the best, now she'll settle for some rest.
Crap: It's not bad enough I have the damned flu in June. Now Al and Tipper split up. Oh screw it, I'll just "live in my own mind," to quote that illustrious bard, Lyle Lovett.

(as for the rest of your online experience, I really am speechless...)
Kirsty, ahhh thanks, I seem to have a big following in the spamming world too!! EEK!! ;)

Clark, :( Damn , that always happens to me!! ;D

Nikki, I know, I do that to a lot of people!! Teeheehee!! ;)

Sheesh, lots of spam to go out and clear. This must have been a popular hit for them!! EEK!! :D
I want to know, when they do the property split, who will get the internet?
Cat, that's easy, Tipper will!! She's put up with a lot and I have it by good sources, she was a bigger developer of the Internet anyways!! :D
I want to comment, but I'm just speechless...

Rated for Al & Tipper
GrnMtnGirl, I know, sometimes Al makes me speechless too!! ;)

P.S. Welcome to my world!! Hope you enjoy!! :D