I was heading over to my email when I noticed the headline on MSN.

Al and Tipper Gore, after 40 years of marriage, are calling it quits!! Oh my god, how it made my heart weak, as I read the headline, I thought, "What hope is there for love for me?" and I began to cry.

Then I opened my email. I had a private message from someone over at Open, a Baby Spanker or something, I don't remember, so I rushed over here to read my newest love!

Hi How are you? i hope all is well with you, i hope you may not know me, and i don't know who you are, My Name is Miss esther, i am just broswing now i just saw your profile it seams like some thing touches me all over my body, i started having some feelings in me which i have never experience in me before, so i became interested in you, l will also like to know you the more,and l want you to send an email to my email address(esther_baby2009@yahoo.com) so l can give you my picture for you to know whom l am. I believe we can move from here! I am waiting for your mail to my email address (esther_baby2009@yahoo.com) (Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life) miss esther

Oh Open, lovely dear Open, how I love thee, in my darkest hours, you know, you just know, I am in need of love, and you send them to me, thank you Thomas, Dear Editor, who filled in the shoes of Judy who was vaporized by aliens who knew she was the queen of the Glebmars, for letting these dear letters of love come to me.

And I respond as such.....

 Ed's new picture thanks to LuisG suggestion.  Ohhhhlaaaaalaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! :D

Hey there Esther, All is well with me!!!!! It very hot though down here in Crawfish, Kentucky, where I am a bull inseminator just like my daddy was before he got kicked in the head by the bull he was trying to inseminate, poor dear pappy, he didn't see what was coming at him, until it was too late!! Done kicked him in the head and he was dead.  Mama cried for so long, we thought we was going to have to put her down like we did the bull but then she quieted down, after we gave her some horse tranquilizers!!!! We first thought we had killed her but she was just a very sound sleeper!!

But she fine now. 

My name is Ed Fartes.  You don't have to call me Mister Ed as that's an old joke I grew tired of in the fifth grade.  I am now graduating from the sixth grade.  I have a brother named Edward and a sister named Cindee who the folks in town call an added asset or something.  She was called "The best dancer" at Sid's Erotic Dance and Massage and Car Wash two years in a row.

We's are so proud.

I'm glad my profile over at Open made you a quiver and shake in your body and you became interested in me.  Sometimes, my profile has the opposite effect and it repels people as it makes them throw up and die.  I guessing we can move on from here to maybe kissy kissy time soon, as long as you ain't no refugee in some camp where your only access to the computer is through some reverend or nun or something who just happens to be not too far from the camp.  I been conned by a lady or ten who said the exact same thing, and when I show up at that camp, there ain't nobody there by that name, so instead, I end up having to rescue a bunch of strangers from the refugee camp and that pastor fellow, tries to touch my ass!!!!!!!

Anyways, I have attached a picture of myself, I like to play doctor with my cousins and also my sister, she gives the best examination. Do you have any brothers and sisters who can examine you?

I am also very religious and belong to the Church of the Holy Ram, where we make sacrifices to our lord and saviour, Hank. We tried human sacrifices a few times, but that only seem to get us in trouble with the law, so we now stick to just sacrificing our dignity! Do you go to church?

I like your thinking, "Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life"  That's beautiful.   I love LOVE so much, I like to kissy kissy lots too!! Do you like to kissy kissy? I hope so, please send picture(preferably with you holding a lsign that reads, I LOVE KISSY KISSY!!! That would mean so much to me. Specially if you was blowing a kiss to me as a well!!)

Loves and kissy kissy,

Ed

Again, thank you Open, without your Spaminator 10,000 not sending me these love letters, I'd have no new material to write!! ~TEARS~

Good night and have a better tomorrow.

P.S.

DAMN YOU AL AND TIPPER GORE, GET BACK TOGETHER!!!!! DO KISSY KISSY TIME!! IF BILL CAN DO KISSY KISSY TO TIPPER, YOU CAN AL!!!!!!!

Thank you.