Somedays, I like to go outside and watch the wind blow. It's fun, though it does involve me going outside and not participate on this thing we call, "MY ASS IS A FINE TUNED WEAPON..." or Open.Salon.
Usually what happens during these days of being outside, I come back to something, not sure what, but something.
Back when, during the days of the dinosaurs on here, I might take a break from 5am till 3 or 4 in the afternoon and some light "You called me a whore!! I'm a slut!! I demand an apology" would break out.
These were the good old days of Open, people would threaten to leave but they wouldn't, because, well, there was pie, and cake and a guy named Claude, who made it alright.
What happened to Claude?
He died. Tragic accident. Went to get up out of his computer chair, fell over, and broke his neck.
Poor old misguided Claude. I still miss him, he always had great advice. He once told me to go fuck myself, and I went out and did it.
Wasn't the best fuck I ever had but it was alright.
Some time later, the mood of this place changed, it turned from a free for all house of ill-repute into your mom's vagina, all warm and sticky and smelling of old grilled cheese sandwiches.
Your mom's a whore.
But we still love her, even though we gotta pay now!
It kept changing, into your dad's butt, all warm and sticky and again, for some reason, smelling of old grilled cheese sandwiches.
Then it happened, the 'Truth' came out. Everyone was shocked.
Trig wasn't some out of work carpenter but was really a 22 year old model turned actress studying for her next role but went too far. Nanatehay was truely shocked.
"But, but, he told me we were brothers!!! Damn, though, she has some nice boobs!!!!"
Everyone was taken back, "Oh no! Could it get any worse?"
"Oh yes," Tink said with a sigh and a tear drifting from his eyes, "I too have a horrible confession to make!"
The crowd grew silent, all three of them, as Tink's main core fan club was in a facility in Baltimore for 'observation' (Yes, all 12 of them!!!).
"I'm really Lindsay Lohan!!!!!" she pulled off the mask revealing her true identity.
"Bah, go back to rehab!" some sheep dog barked from the back row.
Everyone went back to watching 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Show'
TINK'S LIST OF ALTER EGOS ON OPEN SALON: As he remembers them:
Dirk Johnson
Fran Drescher
Your Mom
Calvin Coolidge
Maury Povich
Lester Midonsen
Canadian Greased Johnson
Man who Died in Horrible Car Accident --- Tink note: This one Ed loved the best, EPs out the ass. Covered four times. And a note from Ed stating, "Your story broke my heart, everyone here at Salon wants to know, is Heaven full of Atheists?"
Gordon Ramsey
Turkey Butt
The Ramblin' Hooker --- Tink note: For some reason, Ed loves hooker stories, especially prostitutes who made good by becoming senators. Five EPs out of Five Articles and four covers. Good times. The movie will be out in December. In 3-D!!!
The Tea Timing Jerkey Club --- Tink note: This one wasn't as popular as it dealt with tea and turkey jerkey making techniques. Not sure why, it just didn't fly.
Delta Dawn --- Tink note: To those of you who sent love letters to her, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led you on!!! ~boohoohoo~
There could be others. I can't remember. I was sober when I made some of them up.
Good night and have a better tomorrow....
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Deborah Méndez Wilson
Jakiya
WorkingSlob
koshersalaami
Eljekar
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Salon.com
Comments
My goodness - what I've missed!!!!
-R-
Amanda, I'm sorry!! ~boohoohoo~ Can you ever forgive me? PLEASE? Hello?
Damn, everyone storms off before my big dramatic scene!! WAAAAAA!! :)
Anthony, pirated movies are the best way to go anyways!! Especially those from China!! ~nodding~ :D
I just rate myself, it's easier that way!!!! :D
But, in regards to Trig being a 22 yr. old chick... I think everybody knew that because he writes like such a pussy (well, except for Nana and he's just pissed cuz he didn't have an opportunity to score - not that he would have mind you...) Some things you just can't fake, ya know... especially when he got "crabby" every 28 days ::eye roll::
" He once told me to go fuck myself, and I went out and did it.
Wasn't the best fuck I ever had but it was alright."
should be inscribed somewhere and preserved for posterity.
-R-
Boanerges, ahhhh, thanks!!!! I'm an ordained minister, if anyone wants to be uh, something in the holy water...;D
Julie, ;) POKE!! Teeheehee!!!!
mark, me too, so I did!! ;)
Pavanne, damn, I'm sorry!! Next time, I make these confessions, I'll make sure to change that to the Netherlands!! ;D
Can I have a special dispensation to double rate this post?
Wait..you're not Thoth?
And lastly...have you ever tasted Cheese Whiz?
lemonpulp, ~nodding~ And man did I make the $$$. But if Owl asks, I didn't make a dime!! :( ~giggle~
Owl, yeah, I don't have a dime!! ~boohoohoo~ ;D
Linnnn, it was me!! Boohoohoo!! :D
mark, as a friend of the Tink, go ahead and use it, just remember, Japan blocked the Tink for such a sentence!!! ;D
ThroughmyEyes, just for you!!!! (Nope, I ain't Thoth, but heck for the right price, I'll be Thor!!! What? ;D)
come over here and walk the straigh line..
Slowly now..
Loved it and rated it with hugs
Best Wishes,
Blittie
If you insist on traveling the crumbling-actress road, which I sincerely hope you don't because you are young and have talent, at least consider sending me a HUGE tip via Tip 'Em before you check in to the morgue.
Oh yes - rated for divine foolishness.
I miss Claude.
I had a crush on Silent Cal once... damn...
Funny Blog,
Heather
Fine I'll tell the truth, my cat really hates me, your tongue is funny and I do one hell of a pole dance and a killer bump and grind on arthritic knees.
Wanna buy a video of an old broad getting down but not up again? Cats dig it.
What?
What?
Gabby, there's always turkey in a light gravy!! Nummy!! ;)
Linda, I can't walk a straight line, I'm sober!! Boohoohoo!! :D
Veronica, damn, you have a pretty good list there! ~nodding~ :D
Blittie, Obama actually has already done that, we all know him as Joan Walsh!! :D
scanner, Claude lives in all of us, right here, in our heart. He was a part of this community, someone who could never be replaced. ~tears~ Rest in peace my friend, rest in peace, ~even more tears~
oh scanner, will you never learn, rate then read, then comment, then rate again cause the 1st time didn't take!! Claude taught us that, and well that and imaginary people can be a big part of our community. ~boohoohoo~ ;)
Hells, nah, nobody could be him, except him. ~nodding~ :D There's albout a dozen or more real folks on here, the rest are imaginary ala alter egos, scanner over there could be real, but we're not sure, so we asked his wife, she told us, "No, he's not real..." and I believe her. ;D
Natalie, I promise. I have a new script right now, Herbie the Love Bug Part Two in 3D!!! I think it'll be my break out movie, my come back!! I'll make you proud of me once again!!!!!!!!!
:D
fernsy, ~nodding~ I do too. My next piece is going to be a tribute to Claude, the man, the myth, the legend. ~tears~ I hope he approves!!!! ~boohoohoo~ :D
Matt, very short indeed!! ~nodding~
heron, there's talk, more like interventions, her side of the Cat family and mine just don't see eye to eye, lots of hissing, scratching, furniture had to die!! ~boohoohoo~ :D
rita, yeah, my alters like to stay out of the "asshole" role, and more "I like you, wanna go back to my place and see my drawings?" ;)
Torman, just think, your fan club could actually be like 3 or 4 people!! That's more than some of those TLC baby shows have viewers!! ;D
Heather, ~nodding~ Yeah, I'd keep that secret for a little bit longer, wait till Oprah is settled into the new role as producer or whatever and then come out as Princess Di.
I really miss Princess Di. She always gave the best scritches under the chin!! ~nodding~ :D
Lea, me neither, maybe it's because I'm so damn loveable!! ;D
Atilla, damn know I will, two if I can!! WOOOOOOO get down!! OOooo that's going to hurt in the morning!! EEK!! :D
Bernadine, I knew you'd support me on my decision to come out, ~nodding~!! :D
xenon, ~nodding~ I know!! I know!!! But I also know you are alsdlsdf as they always post right before you do!!! AND YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME IP!! Just admit it, you really are sdkadasd too, and maybe 10 percent of the other folks on this post!! You'll feel better!! ;)
Muse, I like eggs!!!! Scrambled, poached, over easy, just eggs in general, nummy nummy!! :D
Trudge, yes, we are one, one with the Terror Drome. What? I meant, WELCOME TO SOYLENT GREEN INC. :D
Kimberly, Hi Joan!! I'm glad you came out, people were beginning to talk!!! :D
Inverted, could be!! ;)
Wait a minute, I thought he was dead? Is necromancy a hobby of yours Tink?
So you do this so that newbies such as I can catch up?!!
I feel like a dog chasing a car. That's right, the dog doesn't know what in hell he'll do if he catches up to it either…..
Um…… thanks….. (I think)
Cymraeg, yes!! ;)
sky, yeah, I'm not too sure what to do with the car once I catch it either! :D But you're welcome!!!
(R)ated for being a multi-faceted personality gem like me!
Tijo!!!!!!! And you love me for it!! ;)
Fred, ahhhh thanks, and all my personas say thank you too!! ;D
onl, ~tears~ Horrible horrible accident involving a sheep shearing machine and a condom!! EEK!! :(
MissingK8, ~nodding~ it's tough to keep up with all of them too, have to write their back stories and then their stories and time it just right so it doesn't look like Patty McCracken isn't really me!! Tooooo tough!! :D
Rated and hugs from Colombia. Maybe some day I will invite you here and let you see the Colombian world so you can write something juicy....
Chao BEBÉ
but before we go any farther: i only have so much lithium and i DON'T SHARE. get your own.
cheapbohemian, it's all good!!!!!!!! As part of the TOS of Open, everyone must bring their own supply of Lithium!! ~nodding~ :D
I have missed you this last week. I know! I know! I know!
I have some MAJOR, catching up to do. *hugs*
I almost went into... OMG!! Tink withdraws..