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SEPTEMBER 23, 2010 10:40PM

Who is Dr. Rand Paul?

Rate: 30 Flag

I live in Southern Indiana, right across the mighty Ohio River from Louisville, Kentucky, as most of you know, and in this region, we get more of the Kentucky Political Scene(now forever known as KPS(or Kentucky Political Shit) than the Indiana Political Scene(IPS, well, you get the joke!).

I've been here for 12 years, going on dead, it would seem and like any other place, the politics is cut-throat, man against man, lesbians wanting to knife the gay club kids cause they stole their parking spot. 

You get the picture. 

Indiucky is tough.

This year it's a little different as now we get both states political hopefuls slamming each other on the TV screen.  Yes, dear reader, it is going to be a long campaign season, which seemingly started back in 1776 or something.

All the candidates, Republican, Democratic, Tea Party, Coco Party, Jesus Saves(under DOS 3.0), ETC. ETC. ETC. seemingly are for 'Change'.

What kind of change?  I'm not sure, but that other guy they're running against is seemingly the biggest asshole in the entire universe.

How do I know?

The TV ads tell me so.

I thought as a public service to my dear readers(Hi Sid!!!) I would traverse the World Wide Web and do an in depth look at some of these politicians who are now running these ads.

Today's victim is a man who made Kentucky politics a national one(Mitch McConnell? Not today!!!), your favorite doctor of eyes, ears and sometimes asses, when he feels like it, Rand Paul!!!

Who is Dr. Rand Paul?

According to his website --- at http://www.randpaul2010.com/  ----

Rand Paul is a leprechaun who has been married to his wife Kelley, who seems human but probably isn't, for 19 years.

She's originally from Beaver Falls, Kentucky or something.

For some odd reason we are told this in the ABOUT section.  I think if I could, I'd vote for her.

That's a lot of years and they have 3 sons to prove that hey, Republicans can so have sex, at least three times.  More times than Rand's opponent has had, by the number of kids in his family, only one. 

The sons' names are Bippity, Boppity and Boop. 

Rand is the third child out of five to his parents, Carol and Ron Paul, who actually didn't have the heart to tell him but he was found in the rock patch in Lake Jackson, Texas, where he grew up.

He graduated some colleges and became a doctor in Pacman and Space Invaders and did some work in Atlanta as an intern and fondled nurses at Duke University Medical  Center, after which, he and his wife moved to Bowling Green Kentucky in 1993, where they began procreating, and oh yeah, he started his practice or something.

In 1995, he battled lions and tigers and oh yeah, started an eye thingie for poor kids to get eaten by lions and tigers, I think, I could be wrong, I'm just skimming his ABOUT page over at his official website.

Rand also is all about the seniors and their sight. 

He developed a new way to gouge out the eyes of 60 and over patient called, 'RectoDeFiberANator' which he has successfully blinded 250 folks in one day, a new record according to the Book of World Record.

His official statement, "After 60, you've seen everything you'll want to see, so why put yourself through the pain of seeing yourself turn old and stuff!" (Legal Disclaimer: Not really? But wouldn't it be funny if he did!)

In 1993, Rand found a bunch of Kentucky tax payers and they told the rest of Kentucky how their tax dollars were being spent on cheap prostitutes and/or horses.

They wrote a pledge too.  Something like, "We think Erik Estrada is peachy keen!!" 

That was pretty radical for 1993 when most people would have gone, "Erik awhoa?"

Erik Estrada

No comment needed.

Again, Rand is a dedicated something, maybe a father, and a husband, but not on Wednesdays, that's the day he goes out and steals peoples' souls(this according to his opponent's web site!).

Regularly he also volunteers to coach his sons' teams, but they are always like, "No thank you pop, you suck as a coach, why don't you go run for senator or something!!!"

Rand and his family attend church at the Church of Romantic Devils or something, where his wife, Kelley, you remember her right? is deacon or plays the accordion.

Maybe both.

She's talented.

These website sure do put in a lot of information.

Rand Paul is a  hard-working, dedicated physician, not a career politician.  His entrance into politics is indicative of his life’s work:  a desire to diagnose problems and provide practical solutions.  (TINK NOTE: Copied and pasted straight from his website so all those supporters out there won't kill me and according to campaignmoney.com, there's enough out there to gain Rand millions in contributions.  No, I'm not afraid, actually, I'm planning my own campaign for Senator of the Great State of Wisconsin! SEE PREVIOUS POSTS!!!! )


"Hey honey, check out what that bastard Tink wrote about you on his blog?"  I SHALL DEVOUR HIS SOUL!!!!   "Oh honey, you always say that!!! Kids drink your sodas!! And Bippity, stop stealing your dad's shirt!!!"

Next time, we'll bastardize some other politician's web site, maybe Jack Conway, who the Kentucky Police supposedly support. 

Cause Rand Paul says drugs are good or something.

We might just skip that and go straight to your mom's website, Mrs. Jane Cackaway for City Council!!

She's a slut.

Good night and have a better tomorrow.



"Oh no he didn't!!"


"Oh yes he did!!!"


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I knew you were doing this but it killed Tink.
I hope Ed I Tor likes it..:)
Rated with tinky hugs
Anyone who is willing to risk carpel tunnel from dedicated play of Space Invaders must have some kind of cool in him.

This was fun. Please continue..... R
Natalie, I know, right? ;)
Answer me a question: Is Rand Paul any kin to that wacky Texas politican, Ron Paul? The similarity of the names and their career choices are just freaky weird.
CHPS! Rated for Indiucky and busting Bippity for stealing his Dad's shirt. Rand is lucky Ron picked him out of that Texas rock patch and gave him a cool name like Rand. And what an innovator as a Doc, perfecting 'RectoDeFiberANator' technology and getting rich! What more qualifications should we need? I'm forgetting my Tennessee dreams and moving to Kentucky, or maybe Indiucky.
AND... and for "Rand Paul is a leprechaun who has been married to his wife Kelley, who seems human but probably isn't, for 19 years" you get a double rating. I 'll send one of my many alters!
Torman, the answer is yes, Ron is Rand's father (say that three times fast!! EEK!! :D), earthly father anyways, some say Rand is the son of the Devil!! :D

trig, yes, I highly recommend Indiucky as a place to live. The cops are kind of fat, I can out run them!! ~teeheehee~ :D
Erik Estrada!

*after several deep breaths I'll be back to read this sir*
and trig, you're the best!! Send Stacey the hot alt, oops, I mean, your hot sister!!! Teeheehee!! ;)
joey, you're welcome!! ;D
O no! They breed! More, please. This is better than. Sci. Fi channel.
She's originally from Beaver Falls, Kentucky or something.

What I want to know is do they just have clumsy beavers there or do they go around tripping them?
Jeez. What sleaze.
Rated, but don't tell, please.
This is hilarious. I'm chuckling and snorting...
(And for a bird that's difficult!)
...when I started reading this and glanced at the title I flashed back to the snl church lady saying, "Is it SATAN???" hMMM...That actually might work in this context.
(...sneaks off to get the nail clipper...don't worry, I'll sing you a song about mousies as I gently trim them! ) r
Funny as always.
Best Wishes,
xenon, there shall be more. I'm already in the work for some more, Democrats even!! Can't say tink is biased!! He spoofs everyone equally!! ;D

Amy, they trip em!! Damn those beaver trippers!! :( ~giggle~

Henry, I won't!! Your secret is safe with me. :D

o'stephanie, and I thank you for it!! :D

Muse, yes, they are getting a bit long!! :D

Blittie, thank you very much!! :)
You are too much!! LOL I hear this guys name and I see feathers and strippers in my head..... Dear God, Tink, I have been reading you way tooo much! LOL
His full name is Ayn Rand Paul Bunyan. His political staff advised him to drop the female first name, "Ayn" since "A boy named Sue" lost the 1956 Republican primary to Eisenhower, and history has a way of regurgitating itself. Dr. Rand has emphasized his virility by ejaculating every morning into a bowl of Wheaties. Pass the milk, Bippity.
Tink, where would we be without you to provide us with this vital information???
WomanBlogging, damn right, he's a stripper from way back!! :D

littlewillie, you read his book!! AWESOME!!! I did too. It was very good!! Did you know he was a stripper? Very few people do but they do now!! HI GOOGLE!! :D

Cymraeg, I'm not sure, I fear a dark place indeed!! ~nodding~ ;)
Indiucky *snort* we drove down Indiana to get to TN- holy moley you all have some conservative billboards- that is some scary shit
Julie, ;D Yeah, the actual term that is used by the natives is Kentuckiana but well, transplants like me, are assholes!! :D Well, mostly it's just me who is the asshole!! ~LOL~

And oh yeah, very Conservative in these parts. I almost get shot when I first told my wife's family I was uh, well, actually they just wanted to shoot me anyways. :D
What a wholesome family! Rated for "Indiucky".
Dear Reader, ~nodding~ I know! When I run for office, I'll have to hire a family, yeah!! :D
I want you to explain the name "Rand." I had no idea who this man was until I read this. I thought he was some Lutheran South African cult leader. What kind of American is named Rand?
niu, no, it is Paypal!! Not Pyapal.

Pyapal is a native dish from the isles of Hawaii involving rice, fish and large amount of wine which you get seperate in a large wooden cup called the Piaa' a Pal!!!!

There's a dance involved, but we won't get into that.

Mumble, I'm not sure, it does sound like some sort of cult leader and I believe his parents were hopeful that he would turn into such when they named him Rand, either that or one of those television pyschics, "Rand will tell your future for 99 cents a minute, entertainment only!!"

Tink, you're nuts. This is hilarious. Just looking at that picture of the monkey makes me howl. Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.
Rand Paul-child of privilege who doesn't want many others to have privileges! Kind of like Christine O'Donnell-her of witchcraft, and meaningless sex as a young adult-doesn't want anyone else to be able to have sex! This was so funny-especially about Bippity stealing his dad's shirt! R
I don't really want to lose my sight, age 60 or no, but it would be OK with me if I didn't have to see Erik Estrada ever again.
I posted about a real *out* Satanist running for office (albeit only city council in an obscure Canadian city), but, you know, you guys down there have the real thing. In fact, you have a whole Infernal Party of Satanists... Of which Dr. Eye-Gouger is not even one of the most startling.
Effectively devouring souls takes more than one day a week. This guy's a loser.
Fay, that's what my wife tells me every day, "You're nuts!!" :D

Libmom, thank you very much!!! I soooo now want to get one of those shirts too!! ;D

sixty, yeah, well, the Squad will be there to get you soon!! ;D (According to the other guys!!! Teeheehee!! Stupid death squads!! :D)

Myriad, yeah, I read your article, and liked it!!! :) Rand Paul is not Satanist, he's the true son of Satan(Stan to his best buds!! :D) ;D

Linnnn, durn right, takes four days to do it right, but hey, he's a quick...uh never mind!! :D

gcj, you're going to make me go into the comment manager aren't you? Dirty coc...I mean, HELLO!!! NICE TO MEET YOU!! LOVE LOVE KISS KISS.

Stupid cock monkey!!! ~GRRRRRR~

**runs back into the comment manager**
Your future as an historian is sealed. You are the go to source for real life stories. I'm thinking "Tinkipedia"....
O'Really, a sound plan indeed!! ;D
Sheesh, I love American politics. It's almost as goofy as what we have up here. Thanks for putting it into perspective, you damned cat (where's my free beer?).
Great as always.

And best prices on shirts.

And best prices on stuff that's not shirts.

And even better prices on stuff that could be shirts, but aren't shirts, but probably are anyway.

Did I mention great prices on shirts?

(this space reserved for a comment on selling shirts)
Boaner, American Politics is like free beer, come back tomorrow!! Wooo!! :D

Your mind is a beautiful thing.
"More times than Rand's opponent has had, by the number of kids in his family, only one. "

Psst. Democrats know how to have sex without procreating. I know, huh?
KPS, with the Colonel's secret blend of herbs and spices, dee-licious!!! And I particularly like my Rand Paul parts served with a side order of their gooey slaw.
Gabby, my doctors say the same thing. ;) I think so too, keeps me, uh, me? :D

Major, them heathens!!! Sex for pleasure? Oh my!! ;D

lefty, me too!! They nummy nummy!! :D
Where's Kentucky? One thing about politicians nowadays you sure don't have to spend anytime digging up shit on them, they themselves cause anal leakage. Very journalistic Tink you should get some kind of award or something. o/e *****R
o/e, I know, I'm learning quickly, that to shoot yourself in the foot, become a candidate for something! EEK!! :D

Bonnie, politics is all about terrorizing!! I am afraid. EEK!! :D