Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
NOVEMBER 5, 2010 9:01AM

Dear World --- Fuck you! A Letter to All --- HI!

Rate: 45 Flag
cat_writing
  

Dearest world,

How are you?

I'm fine.

I feel okay, still tired, could be the weather, could be my reaction to the medicines the doctors gave me to calm me down after I lost my mind to the medicines.

What?

Never mind.

We had an election over here in the states. No big deal, some cobras won over some other cobras and we, the sheep, keep baa-ing.

I love election times, especially when they're over.  One side declares victory, the division between the Rs and the Ds (Rudsuckers and Demonsuckers, in case you didn't know!) becomes even greater.

I'm not suppose to like an R, and they're not suppose to like a D.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe our colors collide, mismatch, makes the other side look fat.

People are strange.

The funny thing is if these people would stare at each other long enough, they'd notice something, they're all sheep, being herded to the slaughter house by the Con men known to the world as politicians.

But hey, whatever keeps the donkey fucking the elephant or whatever, I guess.

Today, I have a meeting with the unemployment office, might be a chance in hell I, the college graduate from way back when, will get to go back to school and get a degree in something sellable.

Like plastics.

I heard good things about plastics.

Or atomic science.

Or I could become a professional student. 

At least for two years.

Maybe by then, someone will be hiring.

I can study history of the ancient ones.

Or discover meth.

Or your mom on meth.

I can earn my degree in romantic literature.

Protest the war(s), yell slogans like, "Hell no, we won't go, we won't go for Texaco!" 

By the way, whose war(s) is it anyways?  Bush's? Obama's?  Some Warlord's in Alaramasakanana?  It has gotten a bit confusing. 

Maybe they'll have a class about it so I can make an informed protest!

Or just do drugs.

Fuck the protest.  Lets do speed!

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

Dear World, how are you?

I'm doing fine.  

I got a letter from the post lady.

Yeah, we're not sexist anymore around these parts, we're letting women now carry the mail. 

We figured, "Why not! They deserve to carry those big bags full of catalogs of stuff that we can't afford to buy but they accept payments of $17.95 a month, so it's all good!"

Fingerhut and House of Nuts, you rule!

What was the letter?

I could already be a winner. 

All I have to do is buy some magazines. 

So the mail lady can have more stuff to carry around in her sack.

I put the letter in the recycle bin, because I give a shit, sometime, I flush the toilets twice a day, cause California needs the water.

Wait, what?

Sorry to my friends in California, I had corn for lunch.

Good night and have a better tomorrow, your friend,

Holly Anne Tootenbottom

P.S.

Please send money, Fingerhut has this great pillow buddy called Sammy Da Turtle.

Thank you.

 

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Comments

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I see that post EP depression has set in. The corn gave it away....
Nah, more like that post op...never mind!! ;D
I know you will love Sammy, he is the best pillow buddy ever.
rated with love
Poetess, I got high hopes!! Just by the reviews alone!! ;)
Makes sense to me. Never did like the Rudsuckers or the Demonsuckers anyway.
tinktink ... best line, i might discover meth, or "your mom on meth"
... a good morning laugh ... trials of the unemployed with ancient
degrees ... perhaps you could teach "The 60's: Ancient History" ...
lew
Going back to school may be the best thing to happen to you in your life. I hear Barnum and Baily are getting low on clowns. Just imagine, shoe, I mean show business. Squirting water in all the little brats faces and scaring the hell out of kids like one did to me. Last week. I'm scared of them now. Better idea. Computer Programmer. I hear theres a future in computers!
Tink only you can save the world.
Please don;t give up.Rated with hugs
California thanks your I think. Im in love with that little cat with the feather pen. I think he is thinking about the bird that feather came from. Thank you for being you.
Maybe you'll apply to art college. We draw naked people every day, drink lots of coffee, and smoke pot in the stairwell. You'd like it!
Tell the unemployment people you applied for a job selling meth.
There must be something in the air because I felt the same way yesterday. I just didn't write the letter. So thanks for saying what needed to be said.
How is it that the more random and hilarious your prose, the deeper it connects?
"I heard good things about plastics."

Now ... why are the lyrics to "Mrs. Robinson" caroming around my skull? Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo hoo hoo....
Unfortunately I can hear the unemployment guy saying, "Excellent timing, Tink. You, too, can now start an exciting career in the field of holiday gift wrapping." Go for a degree in Art History. Specialize in forgeries. Spotting them, producing them, whatever.
I think Stim's on the right track, advice-wise . . . otherwise, consider yourself hugged.
Good luck, Tink. Stay positive. Who knows what may come?
I hope whoever fired Emily for giving you an EP gets fired. But then they'd get fired for firing the one who fired Emily...I get tired thinking about who's been fired and who's about to get fired. Can't be me, because I'm retired. Maybe I can get hired at a job rhyming things. Corn? Sounds good.
Some great options, here. I always wanted to be a shepherd.
Did Emily get fired? Where have I been?
I would love to help with Sammy Da Turtle, but I too am an unemployed college graduate from way back when. Good luck with the Unemployment Office. Maybe something will come up in plastics. I hear Meth pays well, but if you decide to become a product of the product, the itching and cleaning can be a real pain in the ass.
Dear Ms. Tootenbottom,

Despair not, for the hour of our salvation is at hand; Pottery Barn is offering HUUUUUGE discounts for the holiday season!

Your friend,
Gomez Xavier Stern
I think you would enjoy studying Romantic literature. It is very sexy and dark.
Duane, me neither!! Stupid crossdressing monkey breeders!! Pffffft!! :D

Betamale, exactly!! :)

scanner , yes there is, computers, going to rule the day some day!! ~nodding~ :D Just got back, signed some forms, now just wait!! There's money in yelling obscenities at people!! Could be a congressman!! :D

Linda, not giving up, got my lotto ticket right here!! :D

**huge hug**

zanelle, you're welcome!!! :)

greenheron, I can't draw but the rest sounds awesome enough I'll fake it!! :D "Yes, it is cubism meets shit!!" :D

sixty, hey, you read my job sheet!! :D ;')

ocular, yeah, sometimes, you just have to write the letter. I'm glad I wrote it when I did and not later, cause right now, after my walk through the cold air, I feel alive, or something!! :D

Becky, I've asked myself that same question, everytime I write!! By the way, the unemployment people were funny today. :D

Boaner, I know, awesome right? :D

Stim, damn it, is everyone watching my Live Web Cam today? ;D

Owl, ~huge hug~, we're still on for hunting rabbits on Saturday right? :D

Lea, positive things, good things, ~nodding~ And then, there's a job waiting for me around the corner, I can feel it!! Yeah, cold air does make me happy. Not sure why!! :)

Matt, I'd hire ya, if I had more than a one man show!! Maybe next week, keep your calendar open!! Woooo!! :D

Sarah, I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up!! :D

ladyslipper, I don't know, don't think so. Maybe. She likes cats too much so it's possible!! :D

Veronica, he works cheap, so I hired him!! :D

Erin, yeah, I stay away from meth, anything involving rat poison is probably not a good drug of choice. I'll stay with my root beer!! :D

Dearest Gomez, such good news, I have like five bucks to my name plus a Thorton's super gulper card. Buy five drinks get 1 free! I know, awesome, right? WOOOOO!!! My parents are so proud!! :D
Cool. Going back to school seems like a great idea - I've been toying with it myself.....
Corn for lunch eh, that explains it and actually my drinking water is a lot more interesting because of it.
For your own personal job creation program, have you considered majoring in ancient Egyptian literature in college?
Don't worry tinky, i plan on visiting the golden gate bridge when my unemployment runs out in december, i hear thar the frigid water stimulates creativity! Just in case I don't make a big splash in my new parachute-less base jumping venture, i will leave you my lucrative shakespearian flea dinner theatre company!! What r friends for?
I gots me one of dem that pillows. It was Olivia the Octopussy. R
Do they offer a degree in Nigerian Royal History?

Lezlie
Just team up with Mary Lin. You can do it, now. Obviously the devil has an entire new subdivision in hell open.
Sammy's doing Vegas in style.

r
It's because I threatened to cut your testicles off, isn't it? Why do you have to take stuff like that so personally???

(Both your mom and your wife were all for it, BTW. They told me while we were in bed together...)
A cat. A pen. A fuck you.

Made my day!
I don´t think they allow cats sucking their private parts at school Tink my man... let´s build DA BOMB and wipe the world´s sorry ass....
What ya think?
Rated for being my great and never beaten entertainer....
Love
Corn is so bad for kitties...Something fishy everywhere...better for tummies...not so much for hearts and minds. Meowleyyow! (R)
We, in CA, recycle water, so you're corn will unfortunately be recycled... PU
Best Wishes,
Blittie
My son has gone back to school to learn to work on turbines. He is still waiting for the money the unemployment office promised him to go. Get it in writing!
Venus and Marz, yeah, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up though! EEK!! :D

Seer, I think I might be ready for this goin' back to schoo...NAH!!! Going to keep banging on my drum!! :D

Anthony, you're welcome!! :D

old new lefty, I did that the first time!! Look what it got me? Maybe Ancient Mayan would be better!! :D

white and black, awesome! Friends are the best!! :D **hug**

Trudge, that's the best pillow EVER!! :D

Lez, maybe! I should check into that!! :D

nola, Hell might be nice this time of year!! :D

Cyril, ~nodding~ Oh my yes!! :D

Amy, yeah, that's it!! I still love you though, like that cross dressing brother I already have but hey, can always use another!! :D

lowell, never will, keeps me something, sane maybe!! :D

mhold, I like to write the fuck you letter!! :D

Mauricio, YES!! On de bomb!! ;D

Muse, have to love the fish!! Nummy! Nummy!! :D

Blittie, ewwwww! I sorry! :D

Lunchlady, I signed the forms to get some extra fundage, I think I'm happy with my training(I could have signed another form, but I'm not ready to go off to war in Iran!! EEK!! :D)
You are a genius . I wish I were a cat so I could marry you even if I had to change sides:)
Redstockings, ~L~ Yeah, changing sides is tough!! ~nodding~ ;)