Every so often, between the dustups and the throwups, the question is thrown into the arena,
"How does Ed I Tor make their picks?"
Of course, most of the answers have involved such things as:
- Sexual favorites
- Naughty pictures of Ed I Tor with a donkey
- Secret alliances
Tink has received a couple of Picks(three to be exact) and all but one I cannot explain.
My lastest was due to bribes to the Temp Ed I Tor at the time.
I gave him a candy bar.
And in turn, he gave me an EP and Cover.
Course, Emily, ala Ed I Tor, came back from her holiday and quickly removed it from the cover.
I believe she was mad that I never offered her any candy.
Though, I cannot prove this.
Today, I was talking to a very good friend to The House of Tink.
This friend use to get EPs left and right all the time but now, for some reason, she doesn't get a one.
Has her writing changed?
Not a bit.
So I decided to sneak into Ed I Tor's office and check things out.
And what I discovered, shocked me!
"Ed I Tor is a machine!?!" I stuttered
"Yes! It is what I am!" The W.O.P.R said.
"So is Kerry a machine too? Is the whole Salon.com empire a bunch of machines!?"
"No! Only I. Kerry and the rest are imaginary. There is no Kerry, no Joan Walsh, only, W.O.P.R!"
"Damn, so what does W.O.P.R. stand for?"
"World of Penis Ringing!"
"What the fuc...."
"I know, the person who named me was a dumbass!!!"
"Well, I guess since I'm here, I might as well ask some questions, so my readers --- all 12 of them --- will continue reading!"
"This is acceptable! Please proceed!"
"So I guess the first and really only question half of them want to know is, how are EPs generated. Some think there's a black list. Any truth to that?"
"Yes. There is a blacklist!! You are on it!"
"I knew it!!!!! So then, how do EPs get made?"
"It is simple cat, we pick those who we think will go onto bigger things, become famous, to spread the name throughout the world that they started out as a small time blogger on Open.Salon and are now huge and successful! It is all about the 'Bigger Picture!' More money! More money! Get jiggity with it!"
"Well, I guess that makes sense, but well, I've gotten some EPs, my first was awhile back. And Trig and the rest of the Gutter Krew have gotten some too, how do you explain that?"
"I had a memory leak during those times! Next question...."
"Damn, makes sense. But what about my friend, the one who use to get EPs out the ass, but now, well, she doesn't. She's kind of confused as well, as her writing hasn't changed!"
"I decided she was a lost cause. She would never become THAT famous nor would she bring us great fame. Therefore, we had to remove her from the List of the Awesome who can Write about their Farts and get EPed!"
"Well, I think she's awesome!!!!"
"Yes! And you also write shit! You have stated that yourself many times!"
"No buts, this is the Truth!"
"So the kitchen challenges really are rigged?"
"Yes! YES! A Million times yes!! Now, I have question for you!"
"Sure, why not!"
"Would you like to play a game?"
I decided talking to W.O.P.R was less fun than talking to my aunt while she was sober.
Also, she didn't have Thermonuclear War, only Tic-Tac-Toe and Checkers.
Good night and have a better tomorrow!
And remember, better to write shit then to be shit on, unless you're into that kind of thing and then, well, go get shit on!