An introduction

By

Dr. Andrew Poltz 

We shall begin this road trip stylish: new tie, dress shirt pressed, and enough cocaine to blow a hundred minds into the ultimate fuck EVER known to human kind.

WAKE UP! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP!

No dream, no reality, just a tuna fish sandwich and an ice cold beer with a prostitute named Claire, if that's her real name.

But it probably isn't.

Let us begin...

Thursday, 10am, Tink shakes hands with a Director of Information Systems and System Manager.

Both named Sue.

Their parents had a sick sense of humor.

Yesterday, I interviewed for a job with a university and a hospital, all rolled into one, the Director had no idea what a slot machine was, I knew what a dentist chair was, but had no idea they now came with a computer installed in them.

"We have millions of them, all beeping and if they can't be operated, our patients can die!! WE CANNOT HAVE PEOPLE DYING BECAUSE THE DELL INSIDE THE DENTIST CHAIR ISN'T BOOTING UP!!!!"

I understood.

Friday, I become a man, a beast killer, a knight in rusting armor.

Or will attempt to become...

Today, Friday the 20th, according to an email I received from The Cause, Man! Occupy! Louisville will be holding a protest against the concept of Corporations as People.

OCCUPY MY TUMMY MOUSE!

They want me to join the protest with a sign that reads, IF CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE, THEN THE POPE SHOULD BELIEVE IN POST BIRTH ABORTIONS...NOW!

But instead, at 11am, I'll be high above the little people, in the middle of the highest form of evil known to Mankind, I will be interviewing for a big law firm, for a chance to control their brains, the PCs and the Servers, the Phones, and the Printers.

HERE WE ARE NOW, ENTERTAIN US!

I shall become ONE with the Corporate Person, a cancer within the Person, to bring them down from the inside.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Actually, a paycheck and some benefits would be nice.

And not being called a worthless entitlement grabbing son of a bitch would be kind of nice too.

(Dear Politicks, it's okay when Corporations are standing in the give-me line but when we, the people, do it, it becomes wrong? Fuckers, go kill yourself, all sides!!! PLEASE?)

I wonder if these candidates who say such things really listen to what they say.

"America wasn't built on entitlement...."

I like to disagree.  

When we, the people, showed up on the shores of this great land, there were people already here, and we 'grabbed' what 'wasn't ours' or what we 'weren't entitled' to and still, to this day, we keep doing it, the 'rich' who supposedly built themselves up from their boot straps(helps if your legacy aka your parents already were stinking rich anyways!) keep taking.

Entitled by God Giving Right to TAKE!

"We can't raise the taxes on the job creators, then they won't create jobs!"

Yeah, wait, were are the jobs?

At Mitt Romney's offshore banks?

Sweet!

I'm there dude.

Tonight, I watched the very end of the next round of Republican Debates.

Out of the four, I liked the part where I switched the channel to Food Channel Chopped (It was a re-run, but I'd love it if these candidates appeared on a show like that, "Here's a basket of ingredients, we have charred remains of a war torn country, debt out the ass, economy blowing donkey balls and decisions on issues that shouldn't be based on religious beliefs but seemingly are....BEGIN!".

Wifey wandered off because I get kind of boisterous when watching these things.

Mostly I like to stand up and give the Heil Whomever speaks Last at these things.

It always cracks me up watching the audience at these things.

They clap at things that they should be booing.

"I believe we should get rid of a woman's choice when it comes to her body!"

HURRAY!!

"And we should take away their right to choose anything, women are stupid, they can't even decide on drapes for the living room let alone who will be the leader of the Free World! NO MORE VOTE FOR WOMEN, NOW!!!"

Uproarious applause.

"And we should give the poor and middle class, who cares, both the same rights? Right? Yeah, we should give them the electric chair! ALL OF THEM!!! NOW!! "

The house goes insane with approval.

Scary?

No?

Yeah, I don't think so either, I think everything that comes from these peoples' lips should be put into law RIGHT NOW!!!

Lets not wait till 2013 when that Evil Evil Man who caused ALL of this(ever notice, George W. Bush never enters the picture? Or the other Presidents we've had since George W. the 1st*(Washington if you please!)? But did you see Ricky S. throw in Ronald Reagan's name at the end?  I've been waiting....HEIL RONALD REAGAN, MAY HIS UNDEAD SOUL KEEP WANDERING THE EARTH DEVOURING THE BABIES!! GARRRGGGGGH....sorry...I mean, KING SAINT REAGAN.....GOD KING? We should make it a point to give Ronald Reagan a proper title! Dick sucker? WHO SAID THAT?)

Nope, all fault lies with President Obama.

You know how I know?

All the candidates say so.

Bad President!

You get spanking!

Wait, you might enjoy that!

So tomorrow, I go to battle The Beast myself, to become a cancer inside the System, to bring it down, so it can be rebuilt properly, the perfect Person.

THE CORPORERSON!!!!!

Phear me.

Or send money.

Thanks.

THIS MESSAGE APPROVED BY THE TINK FOR PRESIDENT 2013. IF YOU VOTE TINK, YOU VOTE INSANE.

Disclaimer: Tink doesn't believe women are dumb, stupid, or can't even decide on who should be President, but the whole curtain thing, yeah, he believes that!

Good night and have a better tomorrow...

P.S.

Seriously, I really want the job with the school, basically it's the casino without the sluts or slots.

Please?

Lawyers scare me.  But for a lot of them, PCs scare them, so....

And no, probably no pictures, but here, you can view this one...it's pretty much my stand on certain things, like carpets...

 "When the world starts to make sense while watching the news, it might be time for a nap!"