The wife and I decided to stop in the old Vid-E-Store.  

We wandered the stacks and shelves, and as I passed by the new releases, I noticed a Straight-to-DVD.

The Scorpion King 3.

I didn't rent it but on the front cover, there was the man, the legend, an actor's actor, Ron Perlman.

According to the Internet Movie Database, he appears at the very beginning of this so great movie it had to go straight to DVD and at the very end but they felt such a hit needed some star power to knock it out of the baseball park.

One of the commenters on IMDB asked, DOES RON PERLMAN NEED CASH?

No, he doesn't!

He's Ron Perlman! 

He's an actor, they don't need money, they MAKE their money!

With crayons and bubble gum wrappers!

Those of you who do not know Ron Perlman, can go here and read Wikipedia --- > http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Perlman 

Look at all them roles!

The most important one?

1994'S POLICE ACADEMY: MISSION TO MOSCOW

Any of the Police Academy movies need to be watched along with the Porky's series.

And Revenge of the Nerds series.

Afterwards, you may want to take a shower, brush your teeth and make sound effects come out of your butt.

Ron also did some small role in something called Hellboy or something.

According to IMDB Scorpion King 3 was made for 5 million dollars and with a cast and crew of such high class star power, they got a real deal.

This movie's main character, Strawberry Shortcake, started out, I believe in either The Mummy 2 with the highly acclaimed actor, The Rock or as he's known in the world of non-wrestling, Binky D. Klasuenhauff, or 'Hello Kitty and the Mysterious Island of Oog', another awesome straight to DVD movie.

I didn't pick up Scorpion King 3 as one does not just PICK UP such an awesome piece of a movie as the hotness will burn your hands completely off but I did scream out, "Ron Perlman? YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE THE SHIT!" which got me a stern warning from Manager Steve(the fuck tard who wouldn't even look at my resume and application for video clerk and instead hired some dumb blonde who didn't even know who Ron Perlman was!! PFFFFFFT!!!)

As I paid for my selection of fine viewing for the evening(MoneyBall with Brad Pitt included!) I said to Ms. "I don't know who Ron Perlman is!"

"You suck!! And your face is ugly too!!!"

"Get out of my store NOW!" Manager Steve yelled.

"Nice tie Steve, did your mom pick it out!" I threw back.

"Yea! So!"

"You're ugly!"

I thought, "If I could make a movie, the most awesomiest movie in the history of AWESOME SHIT!, who would I have in it?"

Of course, Ron Perlman, no doubt!

Then, my next favorite actor, Nicoles Cage.

And every movie needs a female lead.

Why?

I have no clue.

But that female could only be, Megan Fox.

Right now, Megan Fox is in competition with Lindsay Lohan to play the role of Elizabeth Taylor, according to Foxnews three days ago.

Competition?

Not a contest, hands down, that roles should go to the CGI dancing penguin.

Plot of my movie?

I need one?

Damn, I thought with such star quality, I'd just throw them off a high rise building and call it a wrap, but I guess all great movies need some kind of "plot" and mine would be no different.

The plot:  The future, like 2899! The big drug is called 'Nu-Vu', a spice taken up the anus. 

One of the biggest dealer in the quadrant is Nicolas Cage's character, Romus (Btw, Cage is in the works on a Ghost Rider movie! I'm so excited, I'm wetting myself!!!) who is like, 'I am the Zen and you are the Roll...dig it?'

Anyways, so Cage is in his sleep pod when Fox's character, Sliver, comes busting in, all out of breath, she's being chased by Perlman's character, Todd, an assassin sent out to kill Sliver for like stealing 10 kabillion dollars(worth like a $1.95 in 2899!) from the CyberTech Corporation.

So through the movie, he's chasing Romus and Sliver through like 2 hours and 45 minutes of film.

The ending, Romus is like, 'We won't be seeing you in the sequel!' and he pushes Sliver off the top of the building.

And then Romus and Todd are like, "Who the fuck saw that coming?" and at the very end, the building explodes, killing them both.

THE END.

Who needs a sequel when you got three of the best actors in the world and you can just create new stuff?

Hollywood?

Are you listening?

The title of my movie?

CRAP!

The movie you knew that only Tink Production could make.

Cost?

$54.37!!

I already got my Atari 2600 running the special effects and if I can't get those three, well, I bet the people from Scorpion King 3 would be happy to star in it!