HOW I CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN AND CAME BACK DOWN A FAIRY PRINCESS

In the summer of 1987, I dedicated my life to a beautiful woman I shall call Steve but her real name was Amy Porter Winestein.

She was my everything and then some, I went up a mountain with her that summer and in the peace and quiet of the woods, I killed her.

No, no, not really, stop dialing the police, I didn't kill her, just tripped her and she went face first off a cliff, but didn't die, she was pretty fucked up facewise and I okay, maybe I should have checked to see if she was still breathing...

The summer of 1987, I became a man. 

No, not really, my pubes wouldn't come in till 1999, then fall off in 2001 due to radiation exposure from a TeleTron 3000 Television set made in 1969 but hell if the casino didn't get an awesome deal on it.

And who needs kids anyways?

They destroy the resale value of your house and make your wife have you pick up diapers "on the way home from the bar".

The hell!

Have you tried buying diapers when you're half past drunk?

Of course you have, you're reading my blog for godsake!

AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Why the hell do we blog for?

The fame?

The sex with hundreds of groupies who we call friends?

The cash?

The Invisible EPs?

And from that point, why the fuck do we give a care for Invisible EPs giving out by an imaginary squirrel with no fucking head?

I mean, seriously, has anyone seen this "Editor" person besides someone claiming to be her or him in some "bar"?

That person could have been some homeless person looking for free drinks and little bar snacks and we just ASSUMED it was the mysterious Ed I Tor.

Did anyone check IDs?

Oh, just took Kerry Lauerman's word huh?

HOW THE HELL DO WE KNOW THAT THIS 'KERRY' PERSON IS REAL?

What was I talking about?

And what good are the Visible EPs?

I mean, take this piece for example ----

My butt is sore from 15 minutes of fame

The piece was written in January of 2010, about sex with monkeys I believe or something, but who cares what it is about, it received an "Editor's Pick", and got some comments and still gets comments from SPAMMERS.

These Comment Spammers, as I call them, don't blog but will hit with fury in comments, saying stuff like,

Lucky sha

A great post about monkey fuckers and this person is talking about conferences?

Are there conferences for monkey fuckers? And if so, do they have t-shirts?

And there's a field for monkey fuckers?

IS THIS WORLD THE BEST WORLD IN ALL THE UNIVERSE?!

I use to report these comment spammers to Ed I Tor as case examples of what is right with the world today but for some reason, I just gave up and instead decided I would dance with them in the field, doing peyote with actors from hit shows of the 1970s but now, not so much.

I'd blog about it, but I'd be afraid I'd get an EP or a infection of my peepee.

Pissing blood might sound fun, but damn if it is!

They should put warning labels on them damn hookers from Paris(Texas)!

So anyways, if you get an EP, great, there's a cure for it, it's called Ajax. 

If you don't want an EP, they make something for that too, it's called wear a condom.

Praciting safe blogging is up to all of us, no matter what HRDangerWriter says.

If you read this far, I just wanted to say, you're beautiful, and if you ever need a place to hide, like running from the law, your old lady or old man, or you just want to see what it's like in Tink's basement(but first he has to dig one!), then well, come on over!

We'll play with my Candiru Penis Fish and watch all night marathon of Love Boat(I have all the episodes on DVD!!!)