The other day, okay, it was today, I was deeply depressed. 

I had woken up from an awesome dream.  In it, my grandmother who has been dead since 1981 bought me a Nintendo for Christmas. 

And I set up and was playing against Jesus for the title of 'Most Awesome Game Player of the WORLD!!!'

Jesus was kicking my ass but who cares, it was fucking Nintendo 8 Bit, who the hell tracks those titles anymore anyways!?

I awoke feeling down, depressed, ready to kill myself by overdosing on Capt. Crunch but instead, I turned on the computer and went online.

I'm glad I did!

First off, my new best friend forever is still alive and well on Open.Salon!

If he's still the same Steven Burt I knew from the wild 1990s, he's a legend in Black Hat Marketing.  In his heyday, Steven spammed over 13,182,937 crackheads over a 22 minute period, a record that still stands to this day.

And who has him?

OPEN DOES!

Welcome to the party my friend, may you find much love here!

Secondly, who can speak of good friends to the House of Tink without mentioning that Trudge164 is a published author!

Trudge is a man who, according to Miami Weekly, who can write from his ass and give it color!

(Not sure that's a good thing as they said the same about me!! But we'll take it as good!)

I had checked my email before signing into Open as I wanted to see if Queen Jobes had replied to me.   Yes, my friends, me and Queen Jobes are still passionately writing back and forth, mostly I tell her I'm flying to England to rob the bank with my team of ex-military assassins and she replies, please fill out this form and send it to the bank ASAP!

Hell lady, I'm going to bust that money out quickly, no forms needed!! Whoo!

But she still hasn't replied yet, which saddened me, almost to the point of deleting all my accounts online, a virtual suicide and beginning anew as Maria Sunshine, a 19 year old fashion model from Sydney.

The plus of virtual suicide, you can be reborn quickly as anything you want.

Too bad RealWorld wasn't like that, you kill yourself here, you get to wait a hundred years in Heaven's waiting room and then get reincarnated as a dung beetle!!

Yes, they should put that in the bible, save a lot of people from killing themselves!

But then I noticed an email from a 'Angel Fire Cheeks'  the subject read, Dear Tink.

I opened it, expecting a new love interest from Africa but I was surprised greatly.

Dear Tink,

You do not know me from anywhere but I know you, through your writings, which you call shit, but I call shit to the nth degree.

My life hasn't been good at all.  I lost my job as well as my family, my husband ran off with his cousin and they took the good car, the one that ran, leaving me with the one that won't even turn over let alone start.

I was looking for ways to kill myself on Google in the most awesomiest way EVER and I found your post on the Candiru Catfish.

I had never heard of such a fish and I clicked on it.

What a wonderful look at such a misaligned in the media a fish could get.

I then began at the beginning of your blog and read till I decided  my life isn't that shitty.

How do you keep from killing yourself?

Just kidding, I know you're really a multi-billionaire who pretends to be a poor, can't be hired to save his life, ex-computer monkey for the mob just so you can help the likes of me, and I thank you for it.

I've already found a new job as an online porn site fluffer and it's all thanks to your wonderful blog!

Thank you Tink, for saving my life.

Your new best friend forever,

Angela

P.S. when you blog about me, could you post your real picture so I'll have something to remember you by as I masturbate later on.  I don't believe your Match.com profile picture is the real you but Al Gore, unless you're really Al Gore and then, please do me all night Al!

~TEARS~ I helped save a life, with my blog, the shit that North Dakota built from the ground up.

I don't stay for the Ed I Tor's Picks, or the Cover(can't we just give up on Cartoon Weekends and go with Erotic Fiction Weekends!?!?!!?!?)

I don't stay for the money(Jesus Christ, 12 cents this month?!)

I keep doing it because well, it's fun messing with Google searches.

And also, you, the friends of Tink and the Please Tink, Get Help and/or Sleep, which have some crossover members on both sides, but that's the best part, you're all escaped mental patients in my book, and so am I!!

God bless you everyone,

Your friend,

Al Roker