Today, I decided to empty my trash folder in one of my emails.
It had like 80 pieces of stuff in it.
One was titled, HEY DOZ U REMEMBERZ MEZ?
I noze do but I decided to open it anyways.
It was a long, rambling piece with no breaks anywhere. By my count, if it had been printed out it would have been three pages of darling speakz u eva rad!
It began sweetly:
Hey U, doz u rememberz mes? We chatted on Facebook all the time, I was married at the time and I thought you were cute but I couldn't tell you that because I was married. (Also the email was addressed to BigDarkHorse@hotmail.com not to me at LittleWeeWee1@jerkitoff.com but who cares!!!)
The fuck! I tell people all the time they're cute and I'm married! Teehee!
The letter continued on, telling me she was now divorced and was going to be moving close to me, in my area(though my area wasn't stated as in Buttfalls, Indiana!) and maybe, if I wanted, I could come over to her place to help her 'unpack' and that I knew what that meant.
Yeah, unpacking boxes sounds like work and who the hell wants that!
She then proceeded to ask me if I knew of any places that were hiring, hopefully in the bar scene.
No, I didn't!
And then, for some odd reason, she wanted to tell me that her current boss, for some odd reason, gave her and the other employees, like three a piece free views of some site's sex cam and she gave them to me.
"Don't you dare share these as my boss only gives me three. Instead of me licking your nuts, I'll be kicking them if you do!"
Fiesty! I likes!
No, I'm not sure what her current job is. I do know my ex-bosses never ever gave me free passes to sex cams. I did once find my supervisor's dating profile(the one his wifey found as well and almost divorced him!!) and replied as in ' I am a hot wet mama looking for a sexy man. My husband is always working at this casino as an IT Supervisor and I need someone to have kinky sex with while he's away.....' and his response back to me was, "Shaddup Tink!"
I went back to exploring my junk(folder) and there were three or four:
YOU HAVE BEEN INVITED BY (insert hot sexy name here) TO FUCKBOOK.
If you think Facebook is filled with naughty little vixens and hot guys in short shorts, then Fuckbook is Hell, a jism filled butt of a hell.
"Hi! I'm Tina, my cunt is wet and ready to be filled with your big hard cock."
I felt bad that she was under the impression that I had a 'big hard cock' so I wrote her back.
"Hi Tina! I don't have a big hard cock but I do have a rooster named Sidney and he's pretty good size! I'm not sure we can get Sidney to go inside your cunt but maybe with some peanut butter, I can get my poodle to do something. Give me a ring!"
Of course, AARP seems to think I am old enough to join their ranks.
Not only do they send me emails but also, at my home, the postman brings me letters and such from them as well.
"Hi! AARP wants you!"
My wifey finds this beyond funny.
I do too.
Laugh fucking riot!
Though I really did use the notecards and address labels they sent me as a 'Free gift' just for considering joining AARP.
Thank you AARP!!
And thank you FuckBook for making me feel 'wanted by hot horny chicks' as your emails state.
Hi HotLadyWearingCrotchlessPanties! I think you have a nice ass too and maybe I do want to get together.
We can play checkers!
Good night and have a better tomorrow....