I was going through my stuff, previous life and all, on the advice of my psychologist, Doctor Sandy Foster, who said, "Before you can begin anew, you must kill off the sand creatures that live in my basement!"

Dr. Foster has some issues but she is very cheap.

Actually, she's free.

I don't know if she's a real doctor as I met her at the bus stop.

I wanted to go to Pet Town across town and she was heading to London, England.

Or that's what she said.

"Do you think the bus will make it all the way to London from here?" she inquired to the bus driver.

"Maybe! We'll see!" he replied.

So I was going through my stuff when I discovered my diary, a worn cover, but still fresh as the day I started it back in 1878.

I have had a very long life, thank you very much.

So, I thought I would share some of my entries, from the soul and heart, or maybe just gas, who knows!

December 12th, 2009:

Today I am so horrified it's hardly funny. I had to punch my teddy bear 9 times just to get the image of Lance and Ebenezer trying out for the HOCKEY TEAM out of my head.  They were my best friends. Now I cringe at the very thought of  them. I don't need this excrement, I have too much math homework to finish to deal with that. Right now I'm listening to Sisters of Mercy and all it's doing is making me more horrified. Ebenezer can go fuck his grandmother for all I care. I feel like I am completely alone, and dressed only in black, as usual. I'm gonna IM Heather F. and see if she wants to smoke some crack before I have to jump off a bridge.

August 5th, 2001

Today I am so furious it's pathetic. I had to work out over 13 times just to get the image of Missie and Howard holding hands outside Taco Bell out of my head.  They were my best friends. Now I shun the though ofthem. I don't need this malarkey, I have too much Shakespeare to read for English class to deal with that. Right now I'm listening to Sisters of Mercy and all it's doing is making me more furious. Howard can go eat a giant dick for all I care. I feel like I am completely in solitary confinement, and dressed only in black. I'm gonna IM Jenn and see if she wants to get our nails done before I die of shock.

Note: Jenn said kiss off and removed me from her friends list as being 'too clingy'.

September 10th, 2001

Today I am so bitchtastic it's inconceivable. I had to almost kill myself 7 times just to get the image of Missie and Dad drinking smoothies at the mall out of my head.  They were my best friends. Now I despise them. I don't need this pathetic shit, I have too much porn to download to deal with that. Right now I'm listening to Slayer and all it's doing is making me more bitchtastic. Dad can go fuck his grandmother for all I care. I feel like I am completely in solitary confinement, and dressed only in the tears on my face. I'm gonna IM Jess and see if she wants to go to the mall before I have to jump off a bridge.

Note: Jess jumped off a bridge instead of going to mall with me!

July 13th, 1999

Today I am so PMS-y it's moronic. I had to masturbate 15 times just to get the image of Tammi and Floyd doing the Macarena in Wal-Mart out of my head.  They were my best friends. Now I despise them. I don't need this baloney, I have too much Shakespeare to read for English class to deal with that. Right now I'm listening to The 'Grease' Soundtrack and all it's doing is making me more PMS-y. Floyd can go die for all I care. I feel like I am completely in solitude, and dressed only in my Good Charlotte t-shirt. I'm gonna IM Angel and see if she wants to get a Slurpee before I am forced to eat another cheesecake.

Note: Angel went off and killed a whole school of nuns instead of getting a Slurpee.  I SOOOOOO removed her from my Friends List at MyYearbook.com!

August 14th, 1989

Is it a balance issue?

Mayhaps with the right balance of being controlled and controlling someone else I will have a happy balance.

I stared back at this man and took him in, he was nice enough looking and his eyes were burning through me in the most erotic way.

I was just browsing through and got caught up with things and I was enjoying myself. I knew I could always go to Scott with any kind of problem and he'd help me - even if it was just to listen to me bitch and whine. And I know that I have to have some kind of drastic change in myself before you would even think about letting that happen. God has shown me that i have to think about my choices.. and dating brock would be wrong.. because i know deep down that he is not the one for me.. i know because he is no where near being as close to God as the guy i am going to marry. Frayed Ends was so awesome to sing to because its an acoustic song and not a lot of people know the words to it. My boyfriend decided last night that it would be a fun idea to smoke cigarettes and cuban cigars. My boyfriend forgets how fragile our relationship is at the moment... although I suppose it's not entirely his fault, I havent exactly told him. But I think this girl rocks so much for telling Alice to get off his lap.. hehe how awesome are you Jess??!

Note: I killed my boyfriend and left his body out in the desert to have the coyotes coo in his cold dead ears! 

July 13th, 1981

Poison to my rotten core, too fucked up to care anymore... Her life was a protest against all sham, a challenge to all hypocrisy, & an inspiration for social rebellion. Isn't it enough to be happy anymore? It was only about two hours after I met Lester this morning that the conversation turned to his relationship with the pole holding up our table at Denny's. Because of the Word from On High, John even seemed queasy about having me as a guest performer on his own recordings.

Have I really rambled on so long about this? I don't want to talk to anyone about this because I hate for people to feel sorry for me and so here I am talking to a computer!

If you can handle me, you can probably handle all the Ricos, Lucys, and Snakes that NY has to offer.

All because I saw a junkyard dog and then the next thing I know I'm humming this song. I cant really complain because I rarely go to the doctor but I hate how they tell you to come early to fill out your paperwork and then the doctor proceeds to ask you every question thats on the paperwork again. Well I can't volunteer at Habitat for Humanity because I can't afford steel-toed boots!

Thank you Random Blog Generators throughout the Net for making this post possible!

http://www.ocean-of-storms.com/norah/annoy/randblog.html

http://lcamtuf.coredump.cx/b3.shtml

Oops, I mean, these are all entries from my diary.  Really!