"It is a sin to put your finger up your butt without the permitted use of wiping it with toilet paper!! So speaketh the Bible, Jobes 32-12!!!"
For some reason, Rick Santorum makes me want to write more gay fan-fiction involving Harry Potter and Superman!
I don't know why, maybe it's the way he is always pictured holding up his finger, like, "This is the finger of God, my mistress, who I've had relations with since grade school, likes it when I finger her in the honey hole, that being her ear!! PRAISE BE JESUS!!"
Today, I'm not here to praise Rick or kick him in the nuts, I'll let Mitt and Newt do that.
I'm here because I want to write, something, while my washing machine does all my work for me today.
When the pile of clothes in your bedroom begins speaking to you about foreign policies, it is time to wash the towels and the jeans and possibly my frilly panties.
I wear them to church on Sundays cause they're crotchless.
Teehee. They my 'holey' undies.
Yesterday, I wrote an inspirational post from the heart.
It felt good to write and I'm glad I shared it.
Today's post is not so much inspirational as it is uh, something.
I awoke early this morning, fresh falling snow on the ground, a mix of emotion came over me.
"Do I put on clothes or just run out into the snow naked and scare the neighbors once more as I do every other day?"
Instead I opened up a can of Rocky Top Sweetened Ginger Ale and turned on E! for my daily dose of Hollywood news.
I guess Whitney Houston is still dead.
She's really taking this 'Fake Ya Own Death' prank to the extreme.
I imagine going through an autopsy is going beyond the call of prank.
I don't think Ashton Kutcher would go to such heights for a prank!
I wish he would but that's just me.
Two and Half Men without Charlie Sheen?
Just a new series that the network re-used the name as a cost saving method.
I like my Hollywood "stars" like I like my politicians, 2000 miles away and not knocking on my door to 'get my votes'.
Hollywood doesn't care about me or my votes. If they did, they make more 'Pirate and the Slave Girl' movies with Johnny Depp as the 'Slave Girl'.
Give me some remakes I want to watch, Showgirl, Waterworld, and Dances with Male Prostitutes.
I want to see titties and ass, and maybe a cock or two, but for the artsy factor, not just, HERE'S A PENIS! NOW MORE VIOLENCE.
I like violence too. Give me some Death Race 3000 and Showgirl, and that Britney Spears movie where she's all killing people and devouring fried green tomatoes!
What was the name of that movie?
Oh yeah, E!'s True Hollywood Stories: Britney Spears.
Hollywood, we want more fucking, less love. Love is for pussies, just ask Newt Gingrich.
And me. I'm a pussy and proud of it.
I don't want a god damn storyline in my porn neither.
Not sure when this crap started but it needs to stop.
I remember back when they had a pizza boy or pool boy.
That was the storyline, commence the fucking!
But no, nowadays, it's like, "Hi! My name is Tina, I'm a bad school girl and I need someone to teach me a LESSON!"
30 minutes later, she gets done with her speech and then, another thirty minutes of this guy telling us his backstory.
Damn it, nobody wants to hear a male porn star speak. NOBODY!
Not even Michele Bachmann's gay husband!
We want to see ACTION.
Are you listening to me 'Director' and 'Producer' of such high quality hits as 'Take me in the Roxy' and 'POUND ME IN MY PIE HOLE RICK SANTORUM!'?
Less talky, more, well, sex!!!
Wait, what was this post suppose be about?
You're my everything, my purple pudding plum!
You're the reason God made Oklahoma and possibly Japan.
I love you, more than chocolate cake and sunrises!
You're my everything, whoo whoo whoo....
When I touch your skin, I get sick, in that good kind of sick, like, I'm barfing because I love you sooooooo much!!
And remember, Obama is fictional, this is true, I read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
And Rick Santorum doesn't really believe the only good position for a woman is doggy style, he also thinks the Reverse cowgirl is pretty sweet too.
And remember, even though a lot of folks believe abortion is wrong, they think it's pretty okay when their birth control fails.
I don't know, I was watching this commercial on TV earlier and it was like, TAKE THIS PILL IF YOUR BIRTH CONTROL FAILS and I was like, how do you know it failed until, well, you know, and then according to some religions it becomes murder, especially when the kid is 17 calling you a bitch and an asshole...
You know what I'm talking about parents!
Tell them stupid bastard wishing for a baby!
GET A PUPPY OR A KITTEN!!!
Oh yeah, the mushy part:
I LOVE YOU MICHELE BACHMANN!!!!!
No wait, wrong script, I meant, I LOVE YOU EVERYONE!!
Even the ugly ones, you just have to pay!
~wanders off to go play in the snow~