Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

Tinkerertink69's Links

Salon.com
FEBRUARY 22, 2012 7:56PM

MY BALLS ARE BLUE AND SO IS RICK SANTORUM!

Rate: 18 Flag

Would I want a post of mine to go viral?

To be picked up by ABC, NBC, or the WNBA?

A while ago, when I wrote about monkeys and how they contemplate their buttholes, a few sites, mostly starting with .ORG and .EDU, picked it up and said, "This is America, read it!"

They did the same with my post on the lovely candiru catfish.

I also discovered one of my posts was featured as 'HOW NOT TO WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMEN' ON COLBERT NATION.COM.

It was one of my short stories and I never got to see what The Nation said about me as the 'message' was removed by the time I got there.

Bastards.

Google Cache told me, "You don't really want to see what it says, okay, Colbert said you were an asshole and you shouldn't be allowed to breathe!"

What did Jon Stewart say about me?

Something about my anus smelling minty.

It's kind of fun to Google yourself, you discover stuff you wrote years ago featured on 'MY DATING SITES: REVIEWED' and the best part, I'm giving credit!

"As written by Ashley Freidmont"

Little know triva fact, my real name is Ashley Freidmont!

Who knew that when I signed up in December of 2008, I would find myself on FurnitureReview.com for my article, "LIFE AND TIMES OF A MALE PROSTITUTE..." to be read by hundreds, if not tens, at least maybe two people, all named Irvin!

I write here because very few places allow me to feel so wonderful and yet the biggest piece of shit writer in the world like Open.Salon!

I write shit!

I like it too!

Everybody, write shit!

Go viral!

Use the title: MY BALLS ARE BLUE AND SO IS RICK SANTORUM!

Or not!

I love you all!

And that is why I write here.

Also I write for the Canadians, they pay better!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

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Comments

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You must have just found out that the Girl Scouts are fembots. Isn't that what the guy from Ft. Wayne said?

I like reading you, so I'm glad you like writing. (Autocorrect wanted to say erotic instead of writing. Hm.)
Hello Kitty.
I'm glad you write here on Open. It cheers me up after I see yet another LK Walker blog become an instant EP. You counter balance all that death yoga animal sacrifice stuff with normal stuff, like porn.
r./
well we all luv ya too ,tt69.
blueballs,eh? gotta learn self discipline, taught to us
by such luminaries as the Founder Ben Franklin, who flew
his kite in a thunderstorm & was not zapped. Temperance is
the key word. Jefferson agonized over it. his solution was, ah,
to "keep it in the family". haw. oh who cares when the
motherfucker can write shit like this:

"A lively and lasting sense of filial duty is more effectually impressed on the mind of a son or daughter by reading King Lear, than by all the dry volumes of ethics, and divinity, that ever were written."


The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time; the hand of force may destroy, but cannot disjoin them.


Truth will do well enough if left to shift for herself...


We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with inherent and inalienable Rights; that among these, are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness...
mint smelling ANAL SEX!!
i was figuring you as ashley portchnick.
I wouldn't trust those Canadians - they pay you in Monopoly money. Also, Ashley, you shouldn't have toyed with Scarlet's affections, and then married Miss Melanie. That O'Hara dame is one whacked-out b----h!!!!!
Let it all, baby. We're here for you. We're always here for you.
Also I write for the Canadians, they pay better!
yeah in Molson Beer..:)
HUGGGGGGGG
see...... this is just wrong:

A while ago, when I wrote about monkeys and how they contemplate their buttholes,......

I SHARED with you people, MY FRIENDS, about my feelings about anal and this is what I get!!! WILL THERE BE NO END TO THESE ENDLESS TAUNTINGS AND TALK OF ASS????

I gave my Poppy dog a blue ball and she chewed it to shit within five minutes - that blue fucker didn't have a chance. and she ATE the squeeker!
C'mon, the Canadians don't pay writers, either. Nobody pays writers anywhere, for writing anything. The only reason to write is to gain revenge against this freaking world in a way that won't get you stuck on Death Row. Nothing else.
Oh. My. God. You're Ashley Friedmont? The Ashley Friedmont? I can't believe you're Ashley Friedmont! No shit? We-ell, that's wonderful to know. I like Greek yogurt with honey drizzled on it, but not Dick Santorum no matter how much honey is drizzled on him. Just so you know.

Very informative post, thank you for sharing.
The only time I got paid for something I wrote it was by a Canadian. Canadian money is so good that even our Monopoly Money ( as ccdarling calls it) is valued ABOVE the American dollar just now.

I wonder why so many Americans have opened Canadian bank accounts and filled them up with Canuck Bucks since 2008?
.
I always knew there was a sound method behind this facade of madness, Ashley.
After I read You I am not sure ...
Am I crying or am I balling . . .
?
I am not certain if I weep . . .
I hope the sound I emit . . .
I hope it's a normal giggle . . .
`
If Kerry Laurman pays me $90.00?
I'll donate whole sum to a psychiatrist.
She can buy some mint 'Milk Duds' too.
`
a gassy elder
notes the warning on the NYC bridge
Beware . . .

`Wind Restrictions'
`
gaud
No wonder we awake
You make a big racket
Tink?
Kerry stink so much
`

I'll ask my VA shrink to evaluate Tink.
I reported her. She's ill/committed.
I thin She's half-insane\as Kerry L..
links!!
and isn't the internet too weird? The strangest thing is that I never knew how weird life was before I started chatting online. All these people having conversations with themselves instead of each other, talking over, thinking thoughts under, moving staircases of conversations.
I'm quite happy to have grown up an introvert at this point. Not that I don't love this, I do, absolutely, but holy crap it's energy sucking.
I would miss ya Tink if you stopped writing.
Who would ever know that the word, "Santorum" is a dirty word? I think it's rather funny.
So now I know. I was wondering how you write something that goes viral. I should have known you knew the answer. Such a wise kitty.
As usual, thought provoking. Leaves me wondering: how exactly do you achieve a minty smelling anus? R
Ha, ha, ha, ha, what makes you think that Santorum has balls?
Where does Rick Santorum stand on candiru catfish?
phyllis, Autocorrect knows me too well!! ~:D

jane, I write bad!! Cause it's fun!! `;D ~grope~

islandtime, ~nodding~ Yeah, Ed I Tor and I have a pact, I'll write shit to counteract the uh, brilliance of LK Walker and the rest of the Cover!! ~:D

James, Ben Franklin was the Master Debator that's for sure!! ~:D

trig, IT'S WHAT FOR DINNER!! :D

MJ, I got the shoes! What? :D

cc, ~nodding~ AND I GOT THE SHOES TOO!! :D What? I don't know!! ~:D

Beth, ~weeping~ And then they told me, THE GUBERMINT TOOK MY BABY!! :( ~:D

Linda, we lub that beer!! ~:D

Monkey, OH GAWD NO, NOT THE SQUEEKER!!! :( ~:D

neutron, the Canadians pay!! Yes, yes, it's Monolopy Money but they pay. :D (And revenge is its own reward!! :D)

Bleue, you welcome!! We soooo need to go shoe shopping sometime, yes, yes, with Santorum!! Nobody realizes this but Ricky is an expert on shoes!! ~:D

sky, it cause your money is sooooo pretty!!! ~nodding~ Like works of art!! :D American money, dead presidents on it, ewwww!! ~:D

Abrawang, there's always a method to my madness! ~:D

I think...

Maybe not....

~:D

Art, if Kerry pays you 90 bucks, I'll match it!! :D

Julie, true story: Before I jumped online many years ago, I was this shy little creature living in his mom and dad's basement.

Now, I'm this awesome huge creature still living in his mom and dad's basement!! :D

*(I'd miss ya too!! ~huge hug~)

(And I'd miss me too!! ~hugs himself~) :D

Life, I like to sing about it, 'I AM SANTORUM, RICKY IS MY NAME, AND IF I WIN, THE PRESIDENCY, I'LL SING...I AM SANTORUM, RICKY IS MY NAME AND IF I WIN THE PRESIDENCY, I'LL SING...repeat till you die!!' :D

(Yes, just like THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! :D)

Fay, ~nodding~ To write a viral posts, you gotta use all the good stuff, like sex, drugs and politics!! I left out the sex cause I no wanna go viral! ~:D

Gerald, it involves a tube of tooth paste!! ~:D

bobbot, well, I'm just assuming!! Good writers assume!! ~:D

Chrissie, ~nodding~ ~:D

lefty, you shouldn't have sex with one till you're married!! :D
You know your stuff. Your most magnetic blog title evah was an invitation to wander the epistemological hell which is social networking and staying within the trend lines, intentionally or otherwise. (Beware the Virawocky!)

You should go on Letterman and have a neurotic episode. "Take one for the team," as sad ol' Rick might say.
I, too, am so glad you write here. Where else can a girl read about balls, anuses (is that right? or is it "ani"?), writing, Canadians and Santorum all in the same post?
Stacey, I'd go on David Letterman and have a breakdown!! ~:D

YOU HEAR THAT DAVE!!?? INVITE ME ON THE SHOW!! :D

Firechick, sure couldn't get all that at Huffington Post! ~:D