I've been off media for a bit, so the whole 'Mommy War' blew right past me without a notice.
"Tink? I know that name, he's that asshole blogger who writes shit about nothing in particular! HE SHOULD KNOW ME!! I DATED HIS HAIR STYLIST BACK IN 1993!"
Ann Romney wasn't even a name on my 'Things I should know about...' until Mommygate happened.
I didn't know Hilary Rosen from Norm Crawford.
I was happy.
Or so I thought.
I began to think. "Tink, you'll never be a mother, to know the love a child, to give care, etc. etc. etc."
I knew the hatred of a child, to have one stand there and tell me to fuck off and the feeling of my hand smacking their ass and telling them to go to their room.
"You don't know what it's like to be young Unca Tink! YOU WERE NEVER MY AGE!!" the child from Hell screamed as she stomped down the hallway to her room.
Ah, the freedom of being able to say, "Not my child!" as you hand them back to their parents who got like two days away from the demon spawn!
Good days! Now said child is a mother of 3 of her very own and being caused headaches galore by them now.
Pay back is bitch.
According to some website, Mommies should be getting around $112,000 per year in salary.
A computer monkey should be getting $12.37/lifetime but all the Doom they can play for life.
Some mommies I've met in my lifetime should have crossed their legs when daddies came around looking for a place to put their penis.
Some should be giving the Nobel Peace Prize for the numerous wars they contained between brothers and sisters on a daily basis and having to put up with Barney or the Tribles or whatever the hell those furry purple things on Nick JR. are called with that one girl in the purple dress.
"Lets sing a happy song!"
Lets not and pretend we did! FaLaLafuckinLA!!!
I remember the niece and nephew(nephew being the youngest and is now an oversized assmunch now!! WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? Who cares!! They have kids of their own, and keep asking me, "Can we give them back, we want our freedom back!!!" My reply: YOU CAN'T!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) screaming and crying "We want Barney!" and uncle Tink screaming back, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WEATHER CHANNEL LADY ON!!!! YOU GOT A TV IN YOUR ROOM!!!"
Yes, I would have made a wonderful parent, thanks for noticing.
My mom was a workie mom.
My dad was a workie dad.
To this day, my mom wishes she could have been a stay-at-home mom and I tell her, "Nah, I'm glad you worked, meant I could do more dope!"
"Hahaha, I kid!"
I was a good boy. I think I had maybe two girls over in my time as a latch key kid.
And I had to let them go, kept screaming.
So here I am, a grown up, and I'm pleasantly dumb about most things.
Do I care that Ann Romney was 'miffed' at some Democratic Strategist comments?
Did I even know the Democrats HAD strategist?
I did actually.
The Republicans do too.
What do they do?
Make pie charts and graphs and say stuff like 'We have a new strategic plan!' and then hang up.
I'm just guessing on that.
I talked to President Bill Clinton's campaign manager back in 1996. He yelled at me cause I didn't answer the phone at the Democratic Headquarters in Butte correctly.
"Who's paying for this line?"
THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA!
By the way, that's the incorrect answer.
It should be, "THE ALIENS!"
But again, water under the bridge.
I know the governmet is sure interested in what we the People are doing online.
They keep trying to pass bills so they and the military can snoop more easily into our online lives let alone are realworld lives.
I think they want to find more free porn and to these people, I have this handy guide to discovering more free porn than you know what to do with.
- Go to Google(images are fine if you want just the pictures!)
- Type in: French Silk Pie
To the mommies of the country, I have some advice for you too!
- Demand that daddy start paying. $112,000 is a lot of money a year just to let sit in daddy's wallet!
- If daddy can't pay, well, time to find a new daddy. Who runs the household really? MOMMY DOES!
- If daddy thinks he runs the house, hahahahahaha!! FOOL!!!
- Don't home school the kids. My friend does her 7 kids and she looks like she's 87 years old when she's younger than me! School time is time for Mommy to relax and diddle the pool boy.
- Someday, get a pool. Daddy might be getting suspicious about the pool boy!
Good night and have a better tomorrow!