Life seems to be filled with stories, lessons, things that make us go, "What the...".
Walking through Walmart at 2:45 in the morning, I have discovered many things about life.
There are a lot of people who look like Elvis shopping for toilet paper.
The government hasn't taken all the babies away from the unfit mothers.
"Youse put your sister down John Boy before I whoop your ass! Tayler Jackson you take those balls out of your mouth, youse don't know where they been!"
I heard the Taylor Jackson one a few months ago.
It was screeched by a woman who I estimated to be at 1250 pounds.
I remember my own mother, sainted soul, though she's not dead yet.
"I'm waiting for you to die before I go!" is her response when I ask when she's going to kick the bucket so I can sell her Mason jar collection.
The children, all of those who had survived the night, would gather around the table for breakfast.
Turnip and Raisin Surprise.
The surprise was the raisins weren't raisins.
And no, they weren't chocolate neither.
"If it's good enough for your grandpa, it's good enough for you! Eat or I'll kill you!"
And we the kids ate.
Of course, the biggest surprise was, those weren't turnips neither.
"Too expensive, turnips!" my mom would say when asked by the police as she was dragged away for another trip to the 'Vacation Home' as daddy said, when he wasn't stoned.
I serve the Turnip and Raisin Surprise to my own children, the ones the guvermint hasn't taken away.
"Daddy, this isn't turnip nor raisin is it?" my daughter Mary Lou says.
"Nope! Just eat it and don't ask question, easier that way!"
Another thing Walmart has taught me is "Don't ask questions you don't want answers to!"