Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
MAY 24, 2012 6:50PM

SPAM -A-RAMA FRIDAYS : NOBODY COULD BE THAT F*CKING STUPID!

Rate: 27 Flag

  

Pirates     

SCAM, SPAM: ARE PEOPLE REALLY THAT FUCKIN' STUPID TO FALL FOR THAT?

Mrs Zainab Ahmed and all the rest gather in the hopes that they will find the few who, I'm afraid to say, are that fuckin' stupid to fall for their lies of 1o million dollars or whatever (do you know how much that is in the currency of Abalahanapakistan? A lot of goat dung (the local currency) that's for sure!)

One of my Pop-in-Law's cyberbuddies apparently was one of those folks that the Scammers pray will come their ways.

He lost over $8,000 to someone.

$8,000 in Abalahanapakistan is like a lifetime(12 years and maybe some change according to their emails! It's tough to be a dictator or Minister of Whatchit these days!) in wages for them.

And it's no chump change here in the States(of Confusion).

I've had a few of my friends send me these emails asking, "Is this legit? COULD I BE RICH?" 

Course you all know my answer to that, "Yes, yes! Someone you've never heard of or sent even a hello to is going to send you $10,000,000,000,000,000 and all you have to do is send like $2,000 to get the bank to transfer to ya!! HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND YOU'RE MY BEST BEST BEST BUDDY EVER AND FOREVER!? IT'S TRUE!!!"

Now those friends aren't really 'That Fuckin' Stupid' but just a little dumb around the edges!

These scammers' schemes work off the basic defense-breakers of the human kind:

  • GREED

That's a lot of cash they're offering for just a small investment.  Of course, try asking them to take out the 'small investment' and send the rest should break this as they will say, "We can't!" but again, a lot of people love money just that much to say, "For only this much, I'll get THIS much!"

Of course, all they'll get is an empty wallet or purse.

  • LOVE - ROMANCE - LUST IN THE LOINS

"I love you" can break even the strongest defender's shield. 

Most of us want to be loved, love, get our rocks off in somebody's nose, etc. etc. etc.

Love scams have been around since time itself (Possibly as far back as 1952!)

Two single-cell organisms floating around in the ooze of pre-dawn.

"I love you! Send me a cell!" one organism says to the other.

"OKAY!!!!"

Just watch TV for a few hours and you'll notice a buttload (hahahahaha) of commercials for eHarmony, Match, sex phone lines and all the rest.

There's money to be made in love and those who want it.

"I'm so lonely! Look, somebody says they want to meet me!"

And so begins the chase.

Soon, this person will send them $8,000 in the hope that love will come their way.

It will, it'll be gone as soon as you run out of money. 

HOLD ON TO THE FEELING!!

Or just go to Loveme.com and look at the pictures of the women there (I like the Russian ladies!! But they got 'em from all over the world! And yes, if you want to, you can get your own mail order bride!! Bit of advice: Pay the extra 10 bucks for holes in the box! My last order came out badly!!! READ: DEAD BRIDE! Apparently brides need air! Can't hold their breath for 6 to 10 weeks...)

  • CHARITY

My Pop-in-Law has gotten a few in his own 'Adventures of Messin' with Scammers'

Most people will give someone down on their luck some help: a few bucks here, a phone card to call their granny, etc. etc. etc.

The scammers know this and will work it to their advantage in getting the cash.

"I haven't eaten in years. Can you help me?"

"Ahhh...I've been there!"

"Will you send it Western Union.  I could use the money today!"

"Oh yes, I understand!"

Pop-in-Law once had, I kid you not, one ask him for a refrigerator.

Try sending that Western Union.

Most just try to get the target to send cash, phone cards, their first born, you know, things that can be easily sold off for an increase in profits.

  • FEAR OF LOSING ONE'S LIFE

I've actually received the death threats.

The first one was like, WHAT THE HELL? EEK!

They start out with the lines, "Someone you know has put a contract out on you.  Do not call the police,  I can see you!  I HAVE THE CONTRACT!!!"

Who wouldn't be scared!

Apparently me, as I told them, go on and shoot me, I'm willing to die now, my life sucks!

Apparently my friends got the worst hitman EVER!

"You say that now! But you are not willing to die! PAY ME!!" they wrote back to my response.

"No, just go ahead and get it over with!"

"BUT...BUT...ARE YOU NOT AFRAID?"

I shook my head no and they wandered off into traffic never to be heard from again.

Sad but true!

I still think Joan Walsh tried to have me whacked.

WHY DO THE SPAMMERS SPAM SO MUCH FOR?

The simple answer: BECAUSE THEY CAN!

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to signup for an account on Open?

Really easy. 

You don't even have to have a real email address(they did fix it where you have to enter something resembling an email address like FUCKYOU@EATMYBUNGHOLE.COM but still....) to post 'LIVE FEED FRIDAYS ON THURSDAY: JACKING A POLAR BEAR OFF VS. A DEAD MONKEY BEING GANG BANG BY A BOY BAND!!!'  or to be a comment spammer.

I HATE the comment spammers.

No easy way to report them.

And they just are rude, mostly stealing their words from others and adding a link to their crap website at the end.

DIE COMMENT SPAMMERS!!!!!

There's the Captcha at the beginning but anyone with access to Google or Black Hat Marketing websites can discover, THOSE CAN BE BEAT!!!!

"Really?"

"YES, REALLY!"

BUT WHY? NOBODY COULD BE THAT FUCKING STUPID TO CLICK ON THEIR LINKS!!!

1. YES, YES THEY COULD

2. They're not looking for just the insiders of the site but the Google-Search Engine Monkeys looking for pirated versions of Glee, make their penis really big, make money fast, etc. etc. etc.

People are dumb.

It's like this, you want fish.

You are on the ocean in your sail boat.

You have no fishing pole, no bait, but apparently, you brought a huge net.

HOW YOU GOING TO CATCH THOSE STUPID FISH?

"Throw the net out and hope there's some stupid fish who will swim right into the thing so I can eats them?"

EXACTLY!!!

Cast your net, get the fish, repeat the process!

"Is it really that simple?"

YES! YES! YES IT IS!! YOU CAN MAKE MONEY FAST!

A lot of people are looking for the deal, free movies, video games, penis pills, whatever, and they want it NOW!!!!!!!

There are some spammers who just want the hits, to increase the 'Links' to their site, trying to make Google think "This must be a legit site, it has many people talking about how wonderful it is!"

Course, Google changes it's Seek-and-Catalog function/formula but like most things, the Spammer learns to adapt and continues receiving those high standings in the search results.

Why?

TO CATCH MORE FISH!!

Which they can sell to the Russian mail order brides!

"And what do they do with them?"

"Sell them to the Nigerians who gives them to Reverend Father who eats them!"

"Poor scammers!"

Yeah.

SO WHY DO YOU FUCK WITH THE SCAMMERS AND SPAMMERS SO MUCH?

Cause they have such tasty fish!

And also to keep them busy and away from the legit targets just that much longer!

Also, it's fun!

Seriously!

Try it some time(I recommend creating a Crap account, used for nothing but trapping Scammers! I use Hotmail.  I believe though, Ed Fartes may be on a DO NOT CONTACT list for his actions or in-actions as he hasn't received too many '1st contact' in quite some time!! OH WELL!! :D)

Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, IT MUST BE YOUR LUCKY DAY!!! GO ON AND SEND THEM THAT MONEY, WOULD THEY LIE TO YOU?

OF COURSE NOT!

Good night and have a better tomorrow...

 

THIS POST WAS INSPIRED MOSTLY BY MRS. ZAINAB AHMED'S PLEAS IN PMs TO MANY PEOPLE ON OPEN.  

For some reason, she did not send me one but, if you want to see who she sent the plea to, check out her favorites at http://open.salon.com/blog/zainb

Our Ranch Man at Work --- Torman ala David McClain among many others sent me the PM thinking she misaddressed it. 

I contacted Mrs. Ahmed and she stated, "I am sorry Tink, you are on a no-contact list by the Reverend Father, you are an evil cat, you tease us with photos of nude women fingering their buttholes instead of Western Union Cash Receipt!!! BAD EVIL CAT!!!"

Here is a picture of my inspiration:

new1337868028 

Is some Hollywood star preparing for her next role? 

And her bio, ripped straight from her Open profile for future generations on how to write a bio!

I'm a 41 year old woman with one kids who lives in Libya I am a nice woman, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor. I love meeting new people and their lifestyle. I like the new parts of the world, the tranquility of the sea, beautiful mountains and life has to offer. I love movies, reading books, listening to music, see the tears of God in the rain, dance, cooking .. but I can't be as comfortable as at home .

Insa-fuckin-parational!!!!!

I know it was probably ripped straight from Loveme.com's bio section of some Russian girl(with the deletion of "Family and being a good wife to my adoring hubby" as that would just sound silly!!!) but who cares, she loves meeting new lifestyles!

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Comments

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Oops, forgot to add: Pirate picture found at coloring-pages-kids.com and coloring done by ME! ME! Text by me too!!

:D
You Kwazy Kat, send me money quick!! I'm owing ove $120,000 in medical bills and if I don't pay on time they will take back the scrotal sack that they fashioned from skin grafts from my right thigh!!! Please send me as much as you can as soon as you can!!!
jmac, I am sending you my entire life savings, $1.37!! please use to keep the medical docs at bay and tell them, "MY SCROTAL SACK, YOU CANNOT HAVE!!"

Say it like that dude said in Lords of the Ring --- "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!" Hold a stick, makes you look dangerous!! :D
Good advise, Tink, but Mrs. Ahmed added me to her favorites list. If she rates one of my posts I may have to send her money. Stop me, Tink, stop me. R
Gerald, DON'T DO IT!! SHE'S NOTHIN' BUT A GOLD DIGGER!!! Teehee!! ~:D
Nice rant, Tink. *Scritches his ears*
We're right behind you on this one, bubba. And it's bound to only get worse on thru the weekend, so we may as well relax and all enjoy each other's company when we're here, or else go to a BBQ and chill.

(BTW, I just put a yummy tuna casserole in the oven for us for later, with sliced jalapeno stuffed green olives, rice, the works. See? Tuna for a kitty!)
Nice kitty!
Now purr for PW......
R
I think this has to be one of your longest rants to date here on OS.
Gee, I feel so much better now that I've read your detailed explaination Tink. From now on I'm just gonna write them back and tell them I'm a friend of the Cat's and I'm gonna sic you on them.
Poor Woman, PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! ;D

I might have some longer rants back in the archive, but I'm afraid to look, getting dusty back there!! ~:D

TUNA!! NUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!
So now what do we do for fun?
@Phyllis: How about a virtual voyage aboard Kim's Pirate Ship, The Pearl??
I'll go ask him....
David, they'll probably offer you their first born. I get that a lot!! ~:D
phyllis, COLORING!!! YAY! Yeah, I'm that bored!! ~:D

Poor Woman, Kim has a nice party going on at his place!! :D
I will add to your life savings of 1.37 and chip in my 38 cents. Maybe the spa, can contribute.:)
HUGGGGGGGGG
I never have these problems because I only buy from a reliable resource like our own beloved Mary Lin. Plus, I don't have any money which could explain why Ms. Lin doesn't write to me anyone. R
Linda, maybe!! Spa trip would be nice!! My back hurts!! :( ~:D

~hugzzzz~

Trudge, Mary says hello, she's on vacation but she'll write soon!! ~:D
I love that you favorited her/him/it/
I'd like to see Mrs Zainab Ahmed make a pirate drawing as good as yours. She did not write to me, or I might have offered her 9.5 million dollars for such a drawing. Oh well. More for you.
If Mrs. Ahmed needs $2,000, I hear OS is hiring a new editor.
I get a bunch of these at work. The sad widows of super-wealthy African, Asians and Middle Easterns who just need that bank account into which they can transfer millions. Another is a wide variety of Who's Who. Not the real one of course but prestigious names like the Swathmore Who's Who. They say they know enough about you that you merit inclusion (after a thorough review by their editorial board) but they want your bio anyway. Then you'll have to fork over $100 or something for that doorstopper. It sure is distressing that charlatans found out about the internet.
In the words of the immortal General Brady.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~urp!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(*Of course I'll back you Tinkerertink ol' pal. You gots the KY?*)

;-)
.
Easy.....cast a net over 100,000 fish, and if even one is caught, she wins!
Sounds like a plan to me....sadly.
ya mean i'm not gettin da money?....shit... went an bought a new truck...
R.
Spam and scam, I am, I am
But, I refuse to eat green eggs and ham
rated with love
I can send you a can of water-packed albacore tuna. What's in it for me?
Single cell orgasm? Isn't that San Quentin lingo for solitary confinement??
The colouring in is incredible ~ not once over the line ~ wow, Tink.
With spam, I don't think jygtjnbvfrghlpwx loves us at all.

I think if we even click on jygtjnbvfrghlpwx we go down a rabbit hole.
I clicked on one with Chinese characters last week & it took me to my post ! Sometimes, like Yeast Infect, you can have fun ...

http://open.salon.com/blog/yeast78/2010/01/16/about_me

but that's at 3 am when you've read everything else, & Yeast Infect is still up, so he must be a genuine OSer, just very lonely.

If you click on jhhggyhilvcxbnkkg, then jrcgedcxxcvb gets excited, & the whole page lights up. I don't know anyone who ever clicked on jhhggyhilvcxbnkkg or jrcgedcxxcvb. Or ever responded to a pm or comment from Mrs Zainab Ahmed either. If they did they probably deserve what happens next.

Good call, Tink.
Here comes the week-end ... yikes !
Thanks for the picture of her! Now I know who to look for at the Libyan Airport when she picks me up. Tickies bought, bags packed, sold all my worldly goods - all in under 3 hours! I don't know how to dress for Libya though. Do you think she's naked? Is that the custom there - just a great hairstyle and fancy earrings, nothing else? What a great country! Vegetables and nudity. I am already there in my mind.
Possibly the greatest blog ever written! News you can't find anywhere else. Except there are still stupid people.
And then there's:
I am a noble intelligent black guy who knows the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights inside out and I hat war and love to help poor people and sick people and veterans and home owners and kids not able to get through school. The last administration was run by a vicious dummy bought by Wall Street and I will fix all that as soon as I get elected and if you have a bit of money to help me out I would appreciate it. Only stupid and racially biased people would ignore me
“I very beautiful an soo horney. Remember color mean nothing I love you long time. Please send email address so we communicate private.”

Wouldn't it be nice to show up at an arranged meeting and just wack everybody who was there?
In other words, you're saying I was a DAMNED FOOL to send her my Social Security number, bank account passwords and mother's maiden name? Thanks, cat, but 'tis a tad too little too tardy.
speaking of spam-could they fit more into Salon.
This skims easily. And check out live-streaming UEFA action here.
Tink, I was around when they neutered you. For the sum of $10,000, plus shipping and handling, I'll be glad to send them back to you. I kept them on ice, they have such a pretty blue color now, for you so they are still usable.

Hurry the ice melts in 24 hours.
Missilynn, and she replied back to me! She needs help but I told her, I only help people who send me pictures of them holding a sign that reads, HELLO, I AM ME, I LIKE FARTES!! :D

I keep waiting for those pictures!! ~:D

heron, she did a post!!! SHE DID A POST!! And I liked it!! I flagged it and felt bad, BUT MY LIBYAN HOUSE WIFE!! :D

Cranky, ~nodding~ I should tell her that!! ~:D

Abrawang, ~nodding~ They've been around for awhile!! They need to leave though! :D

sky, I SURE DO!! :D

J D, ~nodding~ Yep, just need a few dumb fish!! :)

Breeze, me too!! :( :D Her response to me was funny, it was like, THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND AND FAVORITING ME, BUT I NEED HELP...~L~ Uh, we all need help!! BACK OF THE LINE!! And she didn't favorite me back!! BITCH!! :D

RP, ahh thanks! Loves ya back!!!!

ccdarling, one happy cat!! SEND!! :D

Boomer, and my high school years!! ~:D

Kim, ~nodding~ I don't know what we would do without the spammers, probably read posts, go to bed at regular hours or just draw pictures!! ~nodding~ ~:D

I'm heading over to Yeast after I hit post this comment!! I LOVE YEAST, especially yeast rolls!! ~:D

Margaret, ~nodding~ Yeah, they just go naked all the time!! Beat the Heat and join the revolution, in nothing but your smile!! Smile a lot, that means you love EVERYBODY!!! :D

lefty, ~nodding~ Mucho stupid people!! :( I really hope Mrs. Whatsherface sends me that picture! :D

I LOVE FARTES TOO!!! :D

Jan, I don't trust any politicians, they smile weird,like, GRIN!! That smile that says, WE LUBS U, but they don't!! ~:D

Jack, ~nodding~ THAT'D BE WONDERFUL, get all of them in one swoop!! WOOO!! :D

Matt, damn man, all she asked from me was my name, address, my age and what I did for a living.

Is smoking crack till 3am a living? I think so!! Unemployed computer operator sounds weird!! ~:D

kenneth, we are in works to fill Salon up with even more SPAM!!! :D

Stacey, WE LUBS LIVE FEED ROLLER DERBY!!! :D

(I'd post a link but Open has this tendency to strip out my links but them nice ASDDKLDFLFGEFGFGLFGLGDFLGDLFGLDFG can post them like a mofo!!!!! :( :D)
CatnLion --- MONEY ON THE WAY!! :D
You have become a brilliant social commentator, my friend, but I still did NOT give you permission to use my portrait.
Major, I did get your permission, like you were half asleep and said, CANZ I USE YOUR FACE!? And you said, SURE!! :D