I was feeling kind of depressed, couldn't sleep, so I decided to open up my junk folder, where all the awesome job offers go and I discovered -
Dear Beloved,I am Johnson AL-Salem from Angola. I am the only surviving son of Late Dr and Mrs Thomas AL-Salem,my Father worked with Shell Corporation for twenty years
before he died in a motor accident with my mother last year 2011.
My late Father deposited the sum of $7.5 Million (seven Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) with a financial firm in Europe.
Recently,my Doctor told me that due to the shock I have during my late parent`s sudden death of accident I have developed heartache which may result
stroke if proper measure is not taking.
I have contacted the financial firm,and explained the situation of my parent and my health as well but my doctor told me that,i can not travel this time due to my bad health and I don`t have money to continue receiving my medical treatment,that is the reason while I am
contacting you to assist me to retrieve the money out from the financial firm in Europe to enable me continue my medical attention please.
Please help me to get the money out so that i will take proper medical attention over my health,if you are honest to help me kindly get back to me as soon as possible, and tell me what I should give you for helping me.
Your Faithfully
Johnson
Oh Johnson, my beloved friend and good time hustler...
How are you? I am fine!
I am sorry to hear about you developing the heartache, you also live down the end of lonely street, at Heart Break Hotel?
This could not have come at a more perfect time!
I will not only help you get the money, take my cut, but I will also place a pillow over your face and make sure you die with honor, like a true Klingon, except I won't JaJa Binks your bung hole.
I'm nice like that.
No extra charge.
Contrary to what your doctor told you, there's no cure for the stroke of the heartache!
Only death.
I give proper attention to your health.
Your friend till you die,
Francis A. Dopezensid, MDA
P.S.
How's Princess Wallatanka Dunk?
I have not heard from her in ages.
Love in Jesus!
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Comments
As your old buddy on Open Saloon of many, many years, I must bring to you some bad news. It seems that my gout is going to cause all my joints to freeze up with excruciating pain so that I cannot move my limbs. It might even cause Lupus which will change me from a cute wee kittenish kitty kat, into a wolfish wolfie wolf!
---- wait, I'm already a...... never mind.
As you know, when that happens I can't get to the kitchen for my Fancy Feast feasts. Or my cute cunny cunnilingus!
My Doctor says that all I need is $1,342,000.00US Dollars for some indomethacin in cute little blue and white capsules and that will make me get all well!
I know that you will want to help me out with getting that medicine so as soon as you get your cut of that money from Johnson AL-Salem from Angola, you can send me enough to get well with.
My eternal thanks to you, my wonderful benefactor whom my life depends upon. May Jesus always lick you on your fuzzy little ears before he licks his hoo-ha.
Your fuzzy fellow feline.....Sky
PS
Be sure to send cash.
PPS
I don't know why they named the dog "Jesus" either...
ᴼ‿ᴥ‿ƪ
Your friend in Holly Cunningside,
Tink
:D
Guess what! I just discovered that we have "free" medical care here in Canada! I can get the treatment I need for free! All I have to pay for is the medicine! My pension cheque is due tomorrow. Let's see now ... the pension, plus $130, $140, $150...... yup, if I sell my last two suits and my shoes, and go without food for a month, I can get my meds!! Ain't that wunnerful?
;-)
God has seen fit to intervene in Tink's time of woe."
(I often awake full of naivete , the dewy sleep still in my eyes...)
I was initially depressed to glean the meaning of this incisive , uh,
satire, cuz i am fed up with being let down
by my fellow peeled apes, especially those that prey
on old people and young ingenues like us.
Then! I was intrigued by this
cool assisted suicide club you guys are setting up.
Can i get in on it?
Probably the best time to snuff me out with a pillow
is BEFORE i wake up, please.
Another reason not to go to Angola this time of year: the mutant fleas there are of the blood-sucking type . They will not only infest your fur, but they will get under your skin.
If for some reason you do go on this mission of mercy, take lots of lice powder, as well. The lice in Angola are not only prevalent, but they are nasty.
How's your bung hole?
James: It is heartening and also adorable to think of you waking every day with "naivete and dewey-eyed with sleep" to this depraved, soul-sucking world. Probably with touseled hair and in your Dr. Dentons.
that said, i am so glad for you, and i hope you share!
Also some one in Austria tried to "phish" me yesterday.
Take heart man.
Regards
& snuff him prematurely, did they?
~
@margaret: oh, you had to bring up my morning hair! :(
that is the curse of being so naturally curly headed.
of course i dont sleep with my teeth in,
so i wake up like an old wildhaired geezer,
cursing himself for not getting the coffee prepared the night before.
also cursing myself for sleeping naked, not in dr. dentons
(he wasn't even a dr!), cuz it is chilly !
Stathi, the more the merrier!! :D
China, I flunk all the time!! I'M READY!! :D
jmac, awesome!! I'll add it to my collection!! :D
Chicken, I'm already there!! :D
Lyle, check and check!! :D
Margaret, never a bad time to diddle with your Johnson!! What? :D
daisy, can do!! (And yes, they sometimes do work, people can be greedy!!!!)
bobbot, damn these liars!!! Boohoo!! :D
Linda, I don't think it does!! WAAA!! :D
toritto, ~nodding~ They love us don't they!!! :D
James, I'm here!! I'm here!! :D
Stim, exactly!!Stupid doctors!! :D
Marilyn, we the cats will control the air waves!! :D
Cranky, I know, right? :D
Sheila, Johnsons are never girls!! :D
al, I pity those damn creative fools!!! :D