Today is January 9th, 2013.
I think I'm losing my mind, and not in that good way, where you go, "The invisible monkeys say you should go to Hell!" but more like, "Sleep? Who are you, this sleep?" and then go on a ten state killing spree.
For some reason, people like to say, "You gotta live..." but I'm still not sure why.
It's not like I'm holding the world up on my shoulders and if I die, it would go sinking into the fires of Hell, though that'd be awesome and must remind myself that if someone asks, "How are you doing?" I can reply, "We're all going to die when the Sun finally gets it wish and devours our planet for brunch!"
Brunch is nice.
It's not breakfast, it's not lunch, it's just something in between.
I would wander off down the street, past the Mexican Bakery ran by Jesus and his brother Juan, past the check cashing/pay check advance store front ran by Jillian and her ex-boyfriend whose name is not listed on his name tag, down towards the Walgreen where Matthew, who is going to school for 'Pyschology with a minor in Accounting', would tell me,
"The secret to sanity is to remember that invisible monkeys have no tongues, so how can they speak?"
Matthew also has spent some time in 'homes' that are not you know, homes.
They have names like Willow Pines, Happy Acres, names that should be on cemetaries but aren't.
He hasn't spent time in special wards, where they tie you down and read you stories about happy trees and stuff, but he said he came close with his last 'episode'.
Apparently, in some worlds, there aren't insane, sane, there are 'episodes'.
Episode 1 - Woke up naked at the governor's mansion. Six months at Warm Springs for 'observation'.
Matthew's are more like, "Held a gun to head while reciting the Pledge of Alliegence in a Walmart."
Before anyone asks, I'm not suicidal, well, more like, I don't want to die.
Also, knowing my luck, I would try and end up messing it up and being a vegetable for the rest of my life, which would last another 80 years.
"Hi! My name is Francis, I'm going to be your nurse today! Blink once if you understand."
I blink ten times which means, "Hello baby! Wanna sit on my face?"
She smiles. "Are we flirting with me today?"
I blink five times which equals, "I'd like to use your butt as an ashtray!"
She translates it as "I need an ice water enema!" and well...
Also, there's too many people out there, if I did off myself, who'd come to my funeral just to slap me and scream, "You selfish son of a bitch!"
But still, I walk through this thing called life, and a thought comes across my mind, as someone says, "You should wear a smile on the outside!"
"I'd like to punch you in the throat and watch you die!!"
And I smile.
"There you go! That's better! A smile tells people you're happy!" this person says, waddling off.
Again, I smile, thinking of holding her head under the water of a stream, not letting up till she stops struggling.
People who pretend to be happy but really aren't, need more medication and help than I do. If I'm not happy, and try to smile, it looks like I just farted, but not that good type of fart, a release, more like, "Crap, I just shitted myself!"
Why pretend to be happy?
"Because it helps other people to feel happy themselves!" this person I want to drown says in response.
Why would I care about that?
"You should! Then they spread the happiness!"
Like a disease? Happiness is a disease? Very few people want a disease!
She just shakes her head and frowns.
"Frowns are bad!"
"Another dollar in the cuss jar!"
In some worlds, people still use cuss jars. In my world, they'd need a few hundred jars just on 'fart' jokes.
They could retire on my 'Fuck you and the donkey you rode in on!' alone.
Apparently using that phrase in a sales meeting is a bad thing.
"Two dollars in the cuss jar!"