Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

Tinkerertink69's Links

Salon.com
JANUARY 14, 2013 10:23PM

DEAR PENTHOUSE LETTERS: BOOBS. IN MY FACE!

Rate: 16 Flag

Sometime this afternoon, a woman's medication wore off just as she passed me as I sat on the cold hard floor of the cosmetic department throwing products by Revlon into spots.

"If I hadn't seen you sitting there, I wouldn't have stopped and remembered, I needed eyeliner!" she said, smooshing her boobs into my face reaching over to get them.  She pulled back and smiled. 

She had a very pretty smile.

The kind of smile that makes you forget you're hanging eye liner.

She thanked me, for being a reminder and winked, then dropped her phone  number in my lap. 

"Really Tink? DID YOU GET LUCKY?" the crowd yells in unison.

I sure did! I finished up the box of cosmetics with a half hour to spare.

"No!! You dumbass!! Did you really get her phone number?? Did she really press her boobs into your face?"

She really did.  But no phone number.

This is a Tink story, not Penthouse Letters!

Dear Penthouse,

You're not going to believe this but I got my boner rubbed by a woman named George in a K-Mart shoe department.  Wooo!

I'm not sure how to handle situations like that, never have, except to make the motor board sounds when the breasts get pushed in like that.

If they giggle, then what? Say, "I know this is crazy, but here's my number, call me maybe!!" Then giggle with them?

God, I hope so, cause that's what I did.

She did have a very young child with her.  Maybe she's hard up, looking for a baby's daddy.

"Are you my daddy?"

"Nope, but hell, you seem okay kid, so call me Unca!"

"Gee thanks!!"

"Here's ten bucks!!"

Bribing the new girl friend's kids is still acceptable right?

Was back in my dating days back in 1921!

No, no, I'm not ready for dating, wasn't ready for dating when I met my Pamela way back when in 1996 in a chat room.

God, who would have thunk it, me and her together till Death decided it needed another person for bridge!!

Stupid death!!

GET SOMEONE ELSE TO PLAY CARDS WITH YOU!!!

Course, Facebook hates seeing me alone, so it has decided to send me someone who says she's in Ohio but I believe she is Russian bride-in-waiting*(aka Nigerian Princess!!!).

"Hi! Let us be friends! Tell me all about you!"

"Hi! What do you want to know?" I respond.

"Everything!" she responds.

I tell her everything.

"I am chronic masturbator who wets the bed at the age of 41! I like cheese! How about you?"

She hasn't responded yet, but it's late in Ohio.

Very late.

If boob girl at the store doesn't work out, maybe Ohio Lady will.  She seems nice, very interested in me.

I bet she'll want money though. 

Lots of it.

Have to buy a bus ticket to Buttfalls, Indiana so we can "get to know each other better!!"

A bus ticket is like what, $2.95????

Well worth the price of 'Getting to know each other!'

God bless the Internet!!!!!

Good night and have a better tomorrow.

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Comments

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Wait. They are leaving you alone with ladies' make-up?
heron, I know, right? A DRAG QUEEN LIKE ME!!!???? :D Trusting shits!!! All I can tell you!!!
That's you on Facebook??? Yes it is I! Your Princess Ohio lady in waiting, Russian-born, Nigerian bride to be! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you; still learning Morse code. We sound like we have lots in common! I'm older than you so you can be my boy toy and I can teach you to jump through flaming hoops. Not interested in money but do you get a Revlon discount? I need a new mascara.
Margaret, COME ON OVER, I get discount!! Wooo!! :D
Okay! I don't feel like spending $2.95 on a bus ticket though; I prefer to hitchhike to Buttfalls and save the $2.95 for a fancy dinner for two.,
Awesome!! I LUBS U!!!!
Was that you? Was it? Dang. I thought it was photoshopped... no.. wait.. Sorry... that was something else.
zuma, I will always be photoshopped!! :D
Boobs in the face in the Revlon aisle. I'm writing all of these tips down so I know how to attract someone when the time's right. I'm not sure how the Wal-Mart ladies are gonna take to it but heck, I'll give it a try!
Re: Boob Woman - run for the hills! I don't mean...er...not TOWARDS her, the other way. Russian bride on the other hand may indeed have potential....
Re: Boob Woman - run for the hills! I don't mean...er...not TOWARDS her, the other way. Russian bride on the other hand may indeed have potential....
Great to see you back in form ya Kwazy Kat!! R&R ;-D
Ah Tinkie me boy...... sometimes you do worry me. Revlon?!! That trash?! I thought you were high-class, at least Avon........

You'n Margaret are just perfect for each other! When you have that dinner, spend the extra dime for ice cream with dessert - she worth it.

Added bonus with Marg; Hubby is a cutie too! (Y'know, for those evenings when you're hungry for something 'different'.)

;-)
.
Take it from the Califon Cassanova, the motor boat sound gets them every time. Good to see the old Tinkian sense of humor. R
Much enjoyed this. Tink in Wonderland. Happy trails to you.
Nothing like cheap, meaningless sex to cure chronic depression. Worked for me!
Imagine what would have happened if you were stocking sanitary napkins! Clean up on aisle five! R
Better boobs than butts. :)
Belated condolences Tink.