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Tinkerertink69's Links

JANUARY 16, 2013 9:14AM

Tales from the Retail Wars: Inspired by Allen Ginsberg Howl

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I saw the best minds of my generation go mad at price checking the blueberries, OH NOZE, THEY SUPPOSE TO BE 97 CENTS AND COMING UP 96 CENTS! WHAT CAN WE DO? 

Beep! Beep! Goes the machines, trying to catch up, before the Oko Monsters come beaming, trying to find a mistake so they can jack off onto their exception reports, crack of doom.

I seen the obscene, unshaven masses, marching towards the bread aisle, looking for the Hostess Twinkies, but they ain't there, they've gone away, gone from America, there's no hope, it seems, without the cream, so they continue moving towards nothing, yakking, crying, Brandy at $9.97 sold out, so they go for even cheaper beer, that has meat at the bottom of the can.

New Jersey to Seattle, the suffering continues, migraines in the minds of some fellow, who never smoked, tried to have sex a few times, but lost his virginity to a door stop. Idaho? Only for the right price.

Mad in Baltimore, price checking the enemas for the management team, but he only has enough for one set, so they'll have to flip a coin to find out who goes first, then the last man, can go and find some more ice water for their enema, hot sauce chaser afterwards....

The madness continues, even after I leave, the insanity continues through the asylum, even those who are suppose to be sane, lost it over a blueberry on the floor, squashed into a purple stain, madness there.....I awake, day off, still thinking of the packages of Jesus candles sitting at clearance price at $2.95, light the Virgin Mary candle to become whatever, all for $2.95, Mexican Cola 50 cents.

Buy a mark down turkey sandwich with extra mayo, walk outside, smoke a cigarette, even though we do not smoke, but do today, cause Jesus candle said so, better than opium...

(Inspired in part by:)



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You have captured my feelings about grocery shopping to a tee! I hate it! ........ And they don't even sell liquor in NJ supermarkets. R
taco rinds, pork chips -- not enough different kinds of chips...
What kind of beer has meat at the bottom of a can? Or is it a rodent?

I have many of those Jesus candles.. makes me feel like dancing.
I'm with Linda. Buy the Jesus candles.
Shouldn't that be "Meow", not "Howl"?
The Archangel candles burn brighter and are cheaper by dozen. Do buy 13 for luck. R
I can see the management losing their minds over a penny per item. Sad.
Gerald, them bastards!! Gotta sell liquor!!! :D

lefty, exactly!! :D

L, a little of both!! :D

Linda, me too!! WOOO WOOO!! ~dances around the room~ :D


Jack, done and lit!! :D

Boaner, ~nodding~ I do both! :D

Trudge, I bought 26!! Double my luck!! :D

phyllis, they do too!!!!! :(
I was at Whole Foods once when they brought in a mime. I couldn't find anybody else so I asked him where the granola was and of course, instead of just telling me aisle 3, he had to go through the whole "I'm trapped in a box" routine, then he's out, then he's leaning into the wind, etc. I missed kickoff as a result.