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FEBRUARY 4, 2013 5:03AM

HOW TO FIND LOVE - or be anally probed - TEN EASY LESSONS

Rate: 12 Flag

Somewhere in the universe, there is a love for each and every one of us, mostly an anal prober but still, a love for each of us.

People want to love, be loved, get loved, even if it's just an anal probe by Gurk the Alien Overlord from Planet X'Ergo.


Beats me.

Last night, I had a discussion, a talk, a something a something, with a friend, right now, in this thing called erotic art or life to you mortals, she is finding it rough.

She has lost her best worker to a world full of gay dance clubs(IT ME!!!!) and massage parlors.

Her love life is DOA and her career as a pornographic mime isn't doing that great.

I've tried to tell her numerous times to run away from the circus, become a prostitute or a television executive, and forget about finding love.

I know, I for one found love when I wasn't looking for it.  It just happened.

People think they have to have someone porking them from behind to be happy.

I say, sometimes it's nice to just to be anally probed and later, a nice conversation about life, beer and monkeys.

Conversation is what I miss the most, being able to come home, tell my lover all the fun stuff and then we'd both laugh about things.

Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, making kissy faces was pretty nice too.

You could have the worst day ever, but a true friend and lover knows exactly how to make you smile once more: a bottle of cheap beer and a blow jo...I mean, they just know exactly how to make you smile.

Course, I could go through life without a lover in my life, it's nice to have someone to come home to but, well, if I never meet another, I already had the best.

Back to my friend, she's a mess.  If you have me as a friend and I'm giving you advice, and the saddest part is, you're taking it, you are a mess!

But hey, I give pretty good advice, even if I don't ever follow my own advice.


  • Don't go looking for love, you'l find something but it'll probably be a fungus.
  • Hate your job? Kill everyone who makes you mad.  No wait....
  • Your ex being a bitch? TNT!!!!! No wait...... 

Also, don't eat the yellow snow, it's not lemon, most the time anyways.

Could be lemon, but well, it's probably where I peed.

Sometimes, you just got to go!

If you need to find love, stay away from Match.com and those other sites, they're not going to find you love, more than likely, you'll find Princess Lawanna, and she'll steal your money or try to.

Go to an online chatroom, make your name something sexy even if, in reality, you're not, and sit back and wait as horny people try to amaze you with their spellings of cock, pussy and Magic Bullet.

And trust me, you'll be amazed, as SexyDadinMommysPanties tells you how he wants to put his cuck into your Virginia and make sweet sweet love to you!

The things we do for love, lust or our Virginia!

People, if all else fails, remember -



or not....



Course, you're wanting to know one thing, and that one thing is, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE OTHER BOSOM BUDDY!!!???

Well, Tom Hanks ate him.

And now you know, the rest of the story! 

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Your advice might not be any better than anybody else's but you got the blow jo...... er, non-verbal communication down pat!!!

Tom hanks DID NOT eat the other bosom buddy, as you know perfectly well. We buried him right beside Jimmy Hoffa........

As Momma always said, "Keep your Virginia clean and tidy and you'll attract all the Tomcats........."

(*Don't tell Momma, but a little dab of Fancy Feast behind the knees and under the tail helps a lot too*)

OK....... I admit it. I forgot to rate.......

But I came back! Din't I? Huh? Huh? Din't I?


Oh yeah. I've been meaning to ask you.... does a hummer count as verbal communication?

It's a conspiracy of red cats....
Getting levitated out the bedroom window to the mother ship is exciting at first..........but trust me, it gets old..R
About the pornographic mime... There are no words. R
wait, anal probe doesn't necessarily mean love? i'm going to need a shower. and a bottle of whisky.
I confess: I used to think the only way to happiness was having someone porking me from behind. Such is the folly of youth; there's so much more to pork.

"You could have the worst day ever, but a true friend and lover knows exactly how to make you smile once more: a bottle of cheap beer and a blow jo...I mean, they just know exactly how to make you smile."

And there are few things more pleasurable in life than being able to make the one you love smile. As you know. It's very hard to consider living life without that anymore. (I have the feeling SexyDadinMommysPanties wouldn't understand.)
Dude! You should have numbered them...for the developmentally handy cappers. Ha. You have found your niche, advice to the love lornas.
I actually saw Peter Scolari (the other Bosom Buddy) on TV recently. I thought Hanks ate him, too. And I love the new name for my Vajayjay!

So I shouldn't be following your advice? Damn! What should I do with all them guns and bullets I bought?
That Fancy Feast is the best my friend! THE BEST!! :D

sky, you came back!! WOOO! :D


And on the hummer, it does!! :D

Rude, EXACTLY!! :D

Gerald, I like the apple pie afterwards though!! Nice touch!! :D

Natalie, ~nod~ :D

toritto, miss those the most!! :(

icy, and a long nap!! ;D

Margaret, he doesn't! He's a total slut!! :( :D

zanelle, thank you!! :)

Sheila, ~nod~ :D Some of my best pieces are on love. And porn. And apple pie!! :D

L, I know!! They say Virginia is for lovers!! Ooooo laaaa laaa!! :D
Trudge, just use them anyways!! Wait...:D
I always keep my anal probe next to my eye cup - but sometimes they get mixed up! So, right away I'm dangerous to myself! R
WAit until you reach age 50 Tink. You can't go out in public without some bastard wanting to examine your prostate. Going in lifts (trans: elevators) can induce a fear induced panic attack too. You never know when a doctor might sneak in the damn thing.
Now thats a legal anal probe and in public as well. The other 'travellers' help hold you down.