Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 8, 2013 1:52AM

LOVE ON THE INTERNET: DON'T STICK IT IN THE SOCKET..........

Rate: 11 Flag

Lately, I've been the go-to guy for advice.

"Hey, do you think it'd be okay to date my cousin?"

Sure, why not? What could go wrong!

"Do you think meth is okay for a 8 year old child?"

You bet!

I've been talking to my previous team leader from my previous job as a massage therapist or a grocery store.

"You've been in love, how did you find it?"

I didn't! I stopped looking for love and all that other stuff years ago, then my wife said, she had found love and I was like, AMAZING!!! HOW DID YOU DO IT?

My friend, who we will call Abby(but her real name is Bob!), laughed and said, "You so silly!!! Why didn't we ever get it on?"

"Because I might be gay and you're definitely insane! Also, I very rarely sleep with my boss, let alone date them!"

She laughed again.

That's my gig, I make people laugh.  

I try to give good advice too, like, maybe, just maybe, you should at least date someone a month before you give them your heart.

Butt sex is acceptable at the 3 week mark, but not love.

Abby did not say I LOVE YOU, the fellow, who we'll name Joe, decided to throw that out on their first phone conversation which went something like:

JOE: I LOVE YOU!

ABBY: ...

JOE: LET US RUN OFF TO PARIS!!!

ABBY: ...

According to Abby their first date the other day was magic, both sat quietly acrossed from each other.

JOE: You know when I said I loved you?

ABBY: ...

JOE: I retract it!

ABBY: Thank God! I thought I was going to have to kill you!

JOE: ...

She told me, "The magic we felt over the last three weeks, the feeling of being one, soul mates forever and ever, just went poof when we met!"

I told her...

Actually, I rolled on the floor laughing my ass off.

"Three weeks? Did you get a promise ring?"

"Shaddup!"

Like I said, four weeks, soul mate, three weeks and below, butt sex.

I also told her to be careful out there, too many con artists out there trying to steal money or get free butt sex.

Damn those con artists!

So if you feel the need for love, or pave over your heart to forget those loves of the past, sit back, take off your pants, and listen to the love song I listened to when me and my cousin Wendy broke up!

 

 

 

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

 

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Comments

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Dating your first cousin is just great unless she's an 8 yr old on meth and your uncle finds out that she's been putting out butt sex.........

;-)
"R"
.
There was a meth lab busted near the town daycare this week, so someone has been taking your advice.
You are certainly managing to maintain your sense of humor. Humor can get you through everything. My Henny Youngman-esque cancer joke is delivered at yearly mammo/ultrasound/MRI on my remaining breast. When they finally send me to the paperwork desk to check out, I tell them to make sure they give me my 50% discount. They almost never laugh, the humorless dummos. That's one of my best lines!
I'd run off to Paris with the first person that asks. My wife would be pissed........well, maybe not. R
Last time I made love on the internet I got sticky shit all over my keyboard and screen. Is this normal mr. advice kat? o/e
You definetly have a future as an advise columnist. R.
Hey! Dumb Kat. Everybody is over at ThroughMyEyes waiting for ya.......!

.
Joe meant running off to Paris, Texas. After falling for that line 4 or 5 times I started asking to look at the plane tickets. "No, we're going to drive to Paris." "Oh, ok then."
You're off to a good start! Fun read! R
"Never going to let you go" is the number one song serial killers request when they get their "soulmate". According to Prisoners Billboard. R
sky, ~nodding~ Exactly!! EEK!! :D

phyllis, I know someone is, not sure if I should be honored or scared! :D

heron, ~L~ Yeah, some people have no sense of humor!! I couldn't even imagine!! EEK!! :D

Gerald, mine would have packed my bags and said, SEE YA, MAYBE!! :D

o/e, yes!! :D

practice safe cybersex...do yourself! What? :D

Lyle, I've been trying! :D

sky, need to head over there I guess!! :D

Stim, ~nodding~ Yeah! Paris Texas is nice!! :D

Marilyn, I am off to a good start...almost finished too!! :D

Trudge, ~nodding~ I know I weep everytime I hear it!! WEEP!! :D