Ain't been no writers on Open for years!! The last bunch left on a train for some other site and ain't been heard from in forever.
I ain't no writer, so I just stuck around here for the cock and balls, maybe some tuna fish, and well, with the new membership signup turned off, well, ain't going to be no new writers, just the same bloggers who been finger fucking themselves since 2008.
What we need new blood for anyways? Get a writer in here, ruin the decor of Open.Salon, make it fancy or something.
Who needs that?
"I's wants to make money, be famous Pa!"
Stupid child, nobody gets that around here, we gets $2.32 a month from Adsense, if'n we lucky, and even then, only if we write about monkey dunking or something.
"But Pa, we's needs to be famous! We's gots needs, like Horus Wigner or whatever his name was from over yonder! He became famous writin' on here and he's was proud!"
No, that durn fool blew his brains out last week, he tweren't famous or a writer, he just finger fucked his donkey till the cows came home and then he finger fucked them for awhile.
Ain't no use in makin' the truth palable to the natives. If'n we has new members, some folks to move in and take up residents in the ole town, we might be makin' it look pretty but well...
"You thinkin' of leaving her, aintcha Pa? You'se goin to huff off like them 'writers' did and you ain't comin' back are ya?"
I don't know, maybe. The lights just ain't bright no more here. There use to be an Ed I Tor, but I think he's in the whorehouse in New York City getting molested by chickens.
"But, they fixed up the roads, mades them faster! We're like movin' real fast now, like a big city, we even have a stop light that sometimes work, and a moderator who may or may not be real, but we's don't care that much anyways, cause we's gots dreams of being writers!"
Told you, ain't no writers left. And that mo-dur-ator, ain't nothin' but a figament of that Jacob Sugarman's imag-a-nation! He ain't real half the time neither.
Ain't no but, ain't no halibut either! We's a dying town, even Myspace points and laughs at us.
"Why do you keep posting Pa?"
I couldn't answer that child. I has no idea why I stay. Maybe for the finger fucking monkey or the cheap wine.
"And the Adsense?"
Up to $10.23 right now!
"Woo whee! Does u think we can buy me some teeth soon Pa?"
Don't know about buyin them all, maybe three or four though, so youse can chew your biscuits and gravy!
"That'd be swell! Lets go fishin...."
GONE FISHIN' --- MIGHT BE BACK, MIGHT NOT! IF'N ANY WRITERS COME BY, TELL 'EM, THE CORN BREAD AIN'T TOO BAD, IF'N YA DUNK IT INTO THE BUTTER MILK.....GOOD NIGHT......AND HAVE A BETTER TOMORROW.......