Note: According to Google Ads after viewing this, I could become a terrorist hunter, get a Master Degree in Anti-Terrorism!
Boost Your Career in Anti-Terrorism w/ a Degree. Learn frm ex-CIA, FBI!
Woo! Learn frm ex-CIA, FBI!
How to bake cakes!
"Boost your career!!"
I could see myself hunting terrorists(you might call them weekend shoppers, those fucks who stop in the middle of the aisle and place their cart in a way you can't possibly get by to get some instant oats! DIE! YOU TERRORIST!!!!!) all the day long!!!
And into the night, because, really, terrorists never sleep!!!
Nor do the Boy Scouts.
Please enjoy this Terrorist Training Video #1 : DATINGS DO'S AND DONT'S. Woody? HAHAHAHAHA!!
The original post of this, without note and videos, can be found @ http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/life-is-pain-a-special-message-for-you-sunday-readers-don-t-get
I decided to add the note after the ad for 'Tink needs to become a Terrorist Hunter!"
AN INSPIRATIONAL POST FOR SUNDAY READERS - DON'T GET YOUR TESTICLES STUCK IN THE MEAT GRINDER
Words to live by - or die by, I'm not sure: LIFE IS PAIN, LEARN TO ENJOY THE FALL!
It's not the falling that will hurt you but the sudden stop at the end when you hit the ground.
Whatever doesn't kill you can sometimes make you strong but mostly it'll make you wish you were dead.
If you do get your testicles stuck in the meat grinder, then, well, be sure to scream really loud, like this --- AYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!! And say something manly like, MY TESTICLES ARE STUCK IN THE MEAT GRINDER!!! OH GOD, SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!
Life is the ultimate lesson in why we shouldn't have been born in the first place.
Happy people need to be poked in the eye, with a very sharp stick.
Or have their testicles get caught in a meat grinder!!
Slowly turning, inch by inch, grinding them into special sausage we can sell for $1.95 a pound.
People shouldn't breathe - stupid people, smart people, they all the same people, annoying as hell.
"Have a nice day!"
Why don't you just cram that happy nice day up your ass and light it on fire!
"Why I never!"
I bet you have!! SLUT!
At this point in the conversation, life usually takes a dark turn, mostly like the police are called and a chase begins, high speed sometimes, with a news crew in tow!
So begins my trip down to the Walmart store. Lady in front of me in line wants to be a pain in the ass.
"These glasses are 99 cents a piece but I have an ad from Blah for 3 for 99 cents!!" And proceeds to go into a long story about how her grand daughter broke her last set.
"Shaddup lady!! They don't need to hear your goddamn life story!! JUST SHOW THEM THE FUCKING AD!!!"
You would think I would be rewarded for my kind reminder to folks that the cashier is tired and really just wants to go home and finish off her bottle of tequila to kill the pain of her life as a failing artist.
But no, the manager of the store approaches.
"Sir, if you don't settle down, I will have to ask you to leave!"
Wait! This lady gets to tell her life story, the story of her glasses which are now broken and in the bottom of a garbage can but I can't voice my opinion on how much her story sucks?
UNFAIR! UNFAIR! NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!
Again, the Man is called.
"Not again! Can't you behave?" Officer Dirken says to me as we begin the chase anew.
Seriously, his name is Officer Dirken. His first name is Wanken.
Just kidding, it's Steve.
Damn Man trying to bring me down!!!
NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!!! SOY BOMB!!
Whenever I'm feeling down, I just remember the days when I was cool, awesome, beyond super.
Damn not being cool, awesome, beyond super EVER in my life!
Though it does make for short flashbacks to those points in my life.
"Hey gramps! Tell us about the time when you were cool!" some punk kid yells at me from the Forever 21 store front.
"Yeah! Well, I fucked your mom once!!"
"Nah, just kidding, it was your grandma!!"
One of these years, when the time comes, and the feeling is right, I will tell you about how the chicken came before the egg, until then, GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A BETTER TOMORROW......