Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
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Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
MAY 19, 2013 9:11AM

DON'T GET YOUR TESTICLES STUCK IN THE MEAT GRINDER

Rate: 11 Flag

 

potential Terrorist connection

Note: According to Google Ads after viewing this, I could become a terrorist hunter, get a Master Degree in Anti-Terrorism!

www.Henley-Putnam.edu

Boost Your Career in Anti-Terrorism w/ a Degree. Learn frm ex-CIA, FBI! 

Woo! Learn frm ex-CIA, FBI!

Learn what?

How to bake cakes! 

"Boost your career!!"

Awesome!

I could see myself hunting terrorists(you might call them weekend shoppers, those fucks who stop in the middle of the aisle and place their cart in a way you can't possibly get by to get some instant oats! DIE! YOU TERRORIST!!!!!) all the day long!!!

And into the night, because, really, terrorists never sleep!!!

Nor do the Boy Scouts.

 

 Please enjoy this Terrorist Training Video #1 : DATINGS DO'S AND DONT'S. Woody? HAHAHAHAHA!! 

Thank you! 

The original post of this, without note and videos, can be found @ http://oursalon.ning.com/profiles/blogs/life-is-pain-a-special-message-for-you-sunday-readers-don-t-get 

I decided to add the note after the ad for 'Tink needs to become a Terrorist Hunter!"


AN INSPIRATIONAL POST FOR SUNDAY READERS - DON'T GET YOUR TESTICLES STUCK IN THE MEAT GRINDER

Words to live by - or die by, I'm not sure: LIFE IS PAIN, LEARN TO ENJOY THE FALL!

It's not the falling that will hurt you but the sudden stop at the end when you hit the ground.

Whatever doesn't kill you can sometimes make you strong but mostly it'll make you wish you were dead.

If you do get your testicles stuck in the meat grinder, then, well, be sure to scream really loud, like this --- AYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!! And say something manly like, MY TESTICLES ARE STUCK IN THE MEAT GRINDER!!! OH GOD, SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!!

Life is the ultimate lesson in why we shouldn't have been born in the first place.

Happy people need to be poked in the eye, with a very sharp stick.

Or have their testicles get caught in a meat grinder!!

Slowly turning, inch by inch, grinding them into special sausage we can sell for $1.95 a pound.

People shouldn't breathe - stupid people, smart people, they all the same people, annoying as hell.

"Have a nice day!"

Why don't you just cram that happy nice day up your ass and light it on fire!

"Why I never!"

I bet you have!! SLUT!

At this point in the conversation, life usually takes a dark turn, mostly like the police are called and a chase begins, high speed sometimes, with a news crew in tow!

So begins my trip down to the Walmart store.  Lady in front of me in line wants to be a pain in the ass.

"These glasses are 99 cents a piece but I have an ad from Blah for 3 for 99 cents!!" And proceeds to go into a long story about how her grand daughter broke her last set.

"Shaddup lady!! They don't need to hear your goddamn life story!! JUST SHOW THEM THE FUCKING AD!!!"

You would think I would be rewarded for my kind reminder to folks that the cashier is tired and really just wants to go home and finish off her bottle of tequila to kill the pain of her life as a failing artist.

But no, the manager of the store approaches.

"Sir, if you don't settle down, I will have to ask you to leave!"

Wait! This lady gets to tell her life story, the story of her glasses which are now broken and in the bottom of a garbage can but I can't voice my opinion on how much her story sucks?

UNFAIR! UNFAIR! NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!

Again, the Man is called.

"Not again! Can't you behave?" Officer Dirken says to me as we begin the chase anew.

Seriously, his name is Officer Dirken.   His first name is Wanken.  

Just kidding, it's Steve.

Damn Man trying to bring me down!!!

NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!!! SOY BOMB!!

Whenever I'm feeling down, I just remember the days when I was cool, awesome, beyond super.

Damn not being cool, awesome, beyond super EVER in my life!

Though it does make for short flashbacks to those points in my life.

"Hey gramps! Tell us about the time when you were cool!" some punk kid yells at me from the Forever 21 store front.

"Yeah! Well, I fucked your mom once!!"

"DAD?"

"Nah, just kidding, it was your grandma!!"

"GRANDPA!!???"

One of these years, when the time comes, and the feeling is right, I will tell you about how the chicken came before the egg, until then, GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A BETTER TOMORROW......

 

 

 

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Comments

Type your comment below:
"Just another day in paradise" Say what! R.
That reminds me, I need to post my "It Gets Worse" series of videos on YouTube.
Never go all the way with a terrorist on the first date.
Lyle, Well, maybe not Paradise!! Okay, it's paradise!! :D

cheshyre, please do!! :D

lefty, oh now you tell me!! HOW DO I GET RID OF A TERRORIST WHO THINKS IT'S LOVE? :( :D

Kat, ~nodding~ They can be a curse!! :D
Hey man, low blow, dating do’s and don’ts when u know damn well I aint viable as a (paying customer, ha) companion as of yet. “Oh all the nerve!!” by the way is an expression that we should bring back into the flow of vernacular english. Mad good shit.
~
Now to the philosophical portion of today’s sermon.




It's not the falling that will hurt you but the sudden stop at the end when you hit the ground.
Whatever doesn't kill you can sometimes make you strong but mostly it'll make you wish you were dead.
~

Here you are toying with the Master , Nietzsche.

“Freedom is the will to be responsible for ourselves. It is to preserve the distance which separates us from other men. To grow more indifferent to hardship, to severity, to privation, and even to life itself.”
~

Life is the ultimate lesson in why we shouldn't have been born in the first place.
Happy people need to be poked in the eye, with a very sharp stick.
Or have their testicles get caught in a meat grinder!!
You , sir, shine in Nietzsche’s chosen genre, the aphorism.
~
Your chosen place to show us our foibles as a race, the Walmart Metastasis, is a good one…
~
I went there the other day to get some dipenhydramine for a buck fifty for 50 tablets. It is just an antihistamine I need cuz my head gets stuffed up terribly and sleep is a wanton woman beguiling me with false promises. I also got a wastebasket for my bathroom. Dude I share the apartment with goes thru a lot of toilet paper, so we gotta have somewhere to throw the used rolls.
James, I think Nietzsche said that exact thing, WE HAVE TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO THROW AWAY THE EMPTY ROLLS! :D
well that sounds like something he mighta said, but
my question to your
learned readers is:
what did these 19th century dudes and ladies
wipe their asses with?
The question is: where did the notion and those stories of a good life come from? Spontaneous combustion?
"Whatever doesn't kill you can sometimes make you strong but mostly it'll make you wish you were dead." Thanks for another Walmart Zombie story.
Jason,

First of all, get that pointy stick away from my eye! I mean it!!! :)

Secondly, You know full well that I don't have any whoosey-what's-its so put the meat grinder away and stop trying to unzip my skirt!!!!! ;)

It is crystal clear that the Boy Scouts need to get some rest.

In closing, I am very much looking forward to baking cakes with all those former CIA and FBI agents. After all I taught preschool and kindergarten for five years, and I am sure I can teach them a thing or two about counter terrorism. ;)
James, good question!! Some I've learned used the Sears' catalog!! ~nodding~

Some still use their fingers. I know, ewwwwww!! :)

ASH, possibly!! :D

zanelle, you welcome!! :D

Things, and give them apple sauce before their nap!! :D
"You would think I would be rewarded for my kind reminder to folks that the cashier is tired and really just wants to go home and finish off her bottle of tequila to kill the pain of her life as a failing artist."

Zactly! Obnoxious people terrorizing the poor sober artiste/cashiers and I just want to get home with my store brand cookies. I'm signing up for that anti-terrorism course right after I learn how not to date. Thanks for the info, always much of value to learn on your blog.
Bleue, thank you very much!!! I'm always learning new and wonderful stuff myself on my blog!! :D
`
These two posting at `Open
and Our sure can confuse me.
Are Both Sites run by Kerry?
Jake?
I see Jake Picks Out Photos.
He's Volunteering @ Salon.
Life gets more Befuddling.
It is well documented that spending time inside a Walmart leads to depression, so stop that. Get your bag of white cotton ankle socks then get out!
Art, nah, Kerry runs Foxnews.com though!! :D

Heron, I'm running!! I'm running!! :D