OH MY GOD!!

Another job offer!!

Subject: Part time job

From: Your baby's mama

Date: Who cares?

Greetings,
Our handler, has selected your survey on Careerbuiled website. We would like to propound you available position of Administrative Assistant at our company|agency|business|facility). Please, find… Read full post »

CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION: No, I don't think that's how babies are made, especially since, she's a spitter! What?

Years before I started this blog, I had the term "leader down the road to Satan" used on me by a preacher.Deputy Sheriff from Idaho in an email to me about… Read full post »

For the last few days, I've been in a really crabby mood, the kind of mood my wife leaves for weeks.

Today, I decided to go to the zoo, to try and cheer myself up.

It was a hot day but still, I was going to see my family, the apes,… Read full post »

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin,
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain IBM,
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised,
I'm just a man who needed someone and somewhere to hide,
To keep me alive, just keep me alive,
Somewhere/… Read full post »

Today, I sat here in my air-conditioned bomb shelter most people would call a third bedroom and I wondered ---

Who WOULD Jesus bomb?

I'd go for the Super Christians who believe that EVERYTHING is wrong and naughty naughty including breathing.

"Don't breathe!! IT'S A SIN AGAINST GOD TO R… Read full post »

SCAM, SPAM: ARE PEOPLE REALLY THAT FUCKIN' STUPID TO FALL FOR THAT?

Mrs Zainab Ahmed and all the rest gather in the hopes that they will find the few who, I'm afraid to say, are that fuckin' stupid to fall for their lies of 1o million dollars or… Read full post »

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A LOOK THROUGH THE CAMERA

 
BIRD WATCHER - "Come on birds, where the heck are ya?"

  
I'M A BIRD WATCHER TOO - "Where the heck are they this morning?"

 
CAT WATCHER -  "I like to watch cats!

… Read full post »

Today is me and the wifey's 14th wedding anniversary. 

On May 23rd, 1998, in a church, somewhere in Southern Indiana, in front of a pastor, we said, "Ah what the hell, it won't last anyways!"

14 years later, it all seems that much more magical.

"If I had killed&… Read full post »

For awhile, I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

There's hope in bottles of Nyquil at the raves on Oak Street but even then, the depression seeps into the fun and makes me shout out emo poetry about cutting myself to see if… Read full post »

I was sitting on my computer chair, pondering what to write, when I noticed the Open Call from I guess Ed I Tor, though, officially no one has introduced him as such.

BLOCKS WHERE NO ONE HAS FUN

Apparently, out there, in the Cities, there are blocks where no one has… Read full post »

Just a few minutes ago, I was checking out my Trash folder(that's where all my important emails go!) when I noticed the subject line:

Job 1337357979!

As everyone knows, this is my lucky number and therefore my favorite.

I clicked OPEN THAT SON OF A  BITCH!

Hi,

If you have free time,… Read full post »

Question: DOES TINK REALLY GIVE TWO POOPS ABOUT EDITOR'S PICKS OR THE COVER?

Answer: Not really.  The Cover is a good place for me to go and take a piddle. 

Editor's Picks usually are depressing, so I skip those articles. 

It's like, "Ed I Tor is… Read full post »

As many of you may or may not notice, the Ed I Tor known as Emily has left the building apparently and been replaced by Shaggy from Scooby Doo. (True name - Max but I fear people named Max and will call him Shaggy D. Tor for the next six days… Read full post »

My bully's name was "Butch" Johnson. 

His real name was Francis but only his mom called him that.

And only when he was in trouble, which was a lot!

Butch decided early on in our relationship that I was going to be his target.

A few times he tried to… Read full post »

"You know what would be yummy nummy ummy ummy for my tummy?"

"What?"

"Chocolate covered Spam!"

"Ewwwwww!"

http://www.instructables.com/id/Chocolate-Bacon/step7/Chocolate-Dipped-Spam/

Remember the secret to Chocolate Dipped Spam:

We found a can of spam up in the upper cupboards, and cooked that up...… Read full post »

Hi!

My name is Fred!

My best friend is a monkey named Jim and he lives in the zoo.

He hates children and wants to eat them!

Monkeys are silly!

My butt itches!

Does your butt itch?

Do you think aliens' butts itch?

I like to sing songs about… Read full post »

To those of you, who are mothers, or just crazy mothers as decided by the State of your choice, then,

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Remember kids, your mom has lowered her standards in the past, she had unprotected sex with your dad at least once, or maybe not, you sure… Read full post »

Awhile back, Facebook told me that my brother's 1st pyscho ex-wife wanted to be friends.

"Oh my!"

Of course, my brain said, "You dumb ass! Don't accept that request!! She's Pyscho Ex-Wife #1 of Bro for a reason!"

But my fingers said, "Yeah, but she was the less pyscho of his… Read full post »

Apparently we are not living in the 21st Century but a time where everything can be blamed on the work of the Devil, Satan if you will.

"Did you hear?"

"What?"

"The Miller's daughter has gone off and ran away with the Thresher's daughter!"

"The Devil's work is at hand!"

"Indeed!"… Read full post »

It take a special kind of mom to ruin the word, Motherhood!

• Take nude photos of her thirteen year old daughter and then help her daughter send them to daughter's 30something year old boyfriend!

Nothing says, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY like felony charges. 

"Hey mom, can you help me with a… Read full post »

Today, after a long nap after watching a movie called Suicide Room(I'll blog some other time about that, what I learned from watching that is THE INTERNET IS EVIL!! But I still lovez it!!), I jumped online.

There in my Internet Provider's browser window was ASK THE DOCTOR question, one of… Read full post »

Sometimes, somehow, family history can get buried, hidden away from generations, for whatever reason, just to be discovered through the modern age of information and technology.

My parents called me this evening.

My dad had gotten some previously unknown-to-us history about his  great… Read full post »

 Tink note: Posted over at Zoomers.ca in response to this week's "Writer's Challenge", Only the Lonely.  Decided, what the hell, I'd post it here.

Dedicated to my sister Helga who seemingly falls in love at a drop of a hat, quicker then even I!

Good night and have a better tomor… Read full post »

When asked what I want to do for the rest of my life, I want to answer, 'play in an all-girl banjo band'

And when asked if it's okay to steal from an employer, I will nod and say, FUCK YEA!!

I will say my name is Randy Johnson from Duluth, where… Read full post »

I am really ASDFGH HGFDSA and all the rest of the spammers on here.

Why?

Because, I just felt the need to promote free live feeds of sporting events for years on here.

I thought at first that the management team of the Open.Salon would lock me out quickly and… Read full post »