Many years ago, I was cool.

I had a job paying more than a $1.95 an hour.

If I needed to, I could go to the doctor, get my butt checked, and my insurance would cover the cost.

Something happened, not sure what, maybe I put my dick in… Read full post »

Hey have you heard, tattooing is not just for your butt anymore!

Hey ladies, how many times have you sat at the salon and said, "Mary I want to do something different, something cool, maybe an eagle coming out of my vajayjay!"

"Girl, do it and you'll be the talk of… Read full post »

Read full post »

I was smoking Jesus in the public park, waiting for midnight, half past four AM.

I was burning up two sticks at the same time, the smoke rising to meet the moon, night after night, till the waking nightmares would stop and be replaced by insanity.

Canada was sad, and… Read full post »

I've decided to leave Open.Salon forever and ever and never come back!!

Why?

My butt hurts!!

"Jessica from Cat Fancy. Why are you flouncing really? Is it the fame? Do you want to become a rap star?"

I'm leaving because...((DRAMATIC PAUSE FOR EFFECT))...I have done everythi… Read full post »

Lately, I've been the go-to guy for advice.

"Hey, do you think it'd be okay to date my cousin?"

Sure, why not? What could go wrong!

"Do you think meth is okay for a 8 year old child?"

You bet!

I've been talking to my previous team leader from my previous… Read full post »

I cannot sleep.

When I sleep, I dream improbable things that seemingly could become probable.

Come dance with me under the pale moonlight, never let me go....

I stood outside in the field, the darkness embracing me, keeping me company.

I knew not what I was, but I was,… Read full post »

John Asyer Thunker was born on a brisk day in December, under the pale sun, his screams came out, and the world heard but they did not listen.

His mom called him Porgie from day one, for whatever reason, known only to her.

He began his life tragically, in the… Read full post »

Somewhere in the universe, there is a love for each and every one of us, mostly an anal prober but still, a love for each of us.

People want to love, be loved, get loved, even if it's just an anal probe by Gurk the Alien Overlord from Planet X'Ergo.

Why?… Read full post »

The old mechanical horse is dead, lying on the side of the road, little children pretending it is sleeping, poking it with a stick, shouting with glee, "Horsey awake! Horsey awake!"

No one knows where they will end up; today, tomorrow, yesterday, noday, today, whatever.

Life is a mystery, a road,… Read full post »

I was standing there, third aisle from the action; cat food.

Two young girls stood in the center aisle, talking, not hushed tones, old ladies jostled past them.

“He went into me up to his second knuckle!” one girl said, nodding, as if this was the best part of… Read full post »

First, you need to get yourself some crack.

"Crack?"

THE HISTORY OF CRACK, IN CASE YOU WANT TO READ IT, ALL SERIOUS AND STUFF 

Yeah, get some crack!

"Ain't got none!"

Well, then we need to get your ass hustling on the street to get you some.

"How do I… Read full post »

The following is a true story, only the facts have been changed.

Why?

Because I can!

The facts are just lies anyways, who needs them?

I can make up facts with the best of them, this is my lies, you can have your life.

Stoned out on something, the planets… Read full post »

This was the summer we all went down into the rec room in the basement and became alive.

Or perhaps, we all died that summer, our bodies still down there, skeletal remains now.

This is Heaven? 

We sat down there, smoking pot, dreaming, fucking ourselves up with hits of paint fumes,… Read full post »

"Will you hold me in your warm embrace, never let me go?" she said to me, a thousand miles away, but seemingly in the room with me.

Technology, isn't it wonderful?

I told her yes, till forever and a day.

Heaven was closing up quickly, the gates were swinging shut,… Read full post »

HOWLING IN THE WORLD FOOD AISLE - HOPELESS ROMANTIC LOOKING FOR PRICE CHECKER WHO DOESN'T MIND LOSING WHAT SANITY THEY HAVE.

I saw the best minds of my generation go mad at price checking the blueberries, OH NOZE, THEY SUPPOSE TO BE 97 CENTS AND COMING UP 96 CENTS! WHAT… Read full post »

Sometime this afternoon, a woman's medication wore off just as she passed me as I sat on the cold hard floor of the cosmetic department throwing products by Revlon into spots.

"If I hadn't seen you sitting there, I wouldn't have stopped and remembered, I needed eyeliner!" she said, smooshing her… Read full post »

Dear God, 

I am past the point of drained.  I want to sleep, restful sleep, but well, you ain't through with fucking with me, it would seem. 

You took my love, now,  want my sanity.

If I had any to start with is the big question.

God I know you're… Read full post »

Dear diary,

Today is January 9th, 2013. 

I think I'm losing my mind, and not in that good way, where you go, "The invisible monkeys say you should go to Hell!" but more like, "Sleep? Who are you, this sleep?" and then go on a ten state killing spree.

For some… Read full post »

We started down the road, engine roaring, passing the lights and sounds of a dead town who doesn't know it's dead yet.

We thought we'd stop at the local liquor store, Johnny was out of wine and was beginning to make sense as we made it pass some road signs,… Read full post »

Somewhere, out there, some one is wondering, where do we go from here?

We go down the hill, over the mountain, drown in the river, and then...well...after that, nobody knows.

I keep thinking of heading outside and playing in traffic but a few of my links to reality keep telling… Read full post »

Has it really been three years? Really?

Where has the time gone?

Up soneone's butt?

Whose butt?

Few people know this but Joan and I have known each other for a long time.  

We were the Andrew Sisters before the Andrew Sisters, she was the Boogie and I was the… Read full post »

Four years of Tink on Open Salon! 

Oh my!

Will there be four more?

Probably not....

Enjoy what we got ---

Words of Advice for Young People -

Dear Santa,

It's me, Tink, been awhile since I've written you, possibly last Christmas, I can't remember.

Somebody tried to tell me you weren't real, like God and David Hasselhoff but I know they're real too, cause well, just got to believe.

This year, I don't really want anythin… Read full post »