In a recent post, Irritated Mother suggested we pervert the bard. By that, my twisted mind assumed she meant, we should attempt to parody one of Shakespeare's sonnets. So I offered this confection, with apologies to Shakespeare and with the caution that present company was excepted:
• • •
Shall I Compare Thee to a Real Good Lay?
Shall I compare thee to a real good lay?
Thou art more ugly and more desperate:
Rough winds do shake thy sagging butt, I say,
And summer's crease hath left thy skin like date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is thy old complexion dimm'd;
And wild hair from nose sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing curse untrimm'd;
Butt, thy eternal bummer, shall not grade
Nor lose perception that thy pair hung lowest;
Nor shall Death brag when thou blockest his shade,
While in eternal waiting line thou goest:
So long as men have breath or eyes to see,
So long they’ll leave when they lay eyes on thee.
• • •
Foolish boy! Little did I comprehend, IMom was assigning a task much more difficult than parody -- she wanted us to write a sonnet of our own. So in pale imitation of the bard, I give this gift, especially to a certain someone -- you know who you are, and gentleman that I am, I'll never tell:
• • •
Shall I Seduce Thee with a Sonnet?
Shall I seduce thee with a sonnet
Twist sweet words to aim unkind
And thus by carving words upon it
Cause this page to turn thy mind?
Could I proffer this invention
For misadventure low as this
Knowing well my dark intention
Culminates in cowardly kiss?
Wouldst thou swooning thus implore me
To take pleasure entering you
Conquered, lay thyself before me
Lost in foggy, foggy dew?
Nay, no villainous game I choose
For by such winning, all would lose
©2009 Tom Cordle
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Stacey Youdin
Steven J. Gulitti
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Comments
Nature~
~
no flower can stay
yet humans grieve at dying-
the red peony - Edith Shiffert.
~
Nature is unbiased
o, for a bowl of green
naturally sweet sherbert
~
fun. I hope. It's to wear
bloomers, kilts, blouses
and prance daintily about
we need more gentlemen
MaryT -- Let us hope the two of you are inspired :-)
Delia -- The first of these was painful, but not nearly so painful as your haiku
First Awake -- Flattery is the sincerest form of jealousy
Juliet -- In poetry, as in love, practice, practice, practice
Rated & Cheers!
there ain't nuthin' like poetry
to soothe the savage breast
Hail, no...
"A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience...
Well roared, lion," *
he said.
rated.jim.
*midsummer, 4,1
Gracie -- And swoon would I at the mere winking of thine eye
Make of that what you will.
over the beast
any day
especially on haiku Thursday.
Please check out my own offering.
http://open.salon.com/blog/dynomyte/2009/03/26/i_wish_it_were_you
Lilies that fester, smell far worse than weeds.
Alas, poor Cordle!
That was friggin' brilliant. Truly. As lolcats would say, you haz a talint.
Thumbed.
As irresistable as a breath of air is to one. Why?
Who? One who has a head under a water. O, Air!
For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds,
Lilies that fester, smell far worst worst than weeds.
We are comforted. We are fallen. Dominion? Yikes!
That's short-lived - folly. Sonnet 94? It's a black hole.
Reading sonnet 94 is like gazing at One who fast drowns.
Help!
~
I wish we'd picket Taco Bell. Eat grilled, homegrown jalapeno chilly peppers.
Toss on the fried onions. Call the @ Open Salon cook-cops and ask for a free burrito for the midday snakes-perk-upper-snack. Revving the idling motor, and moving herd-like along the green pastures - Or - Where the paved, black-top, highway, interstate - fair pathway ends. okay?
Oops. heh.
Rattlesnake.
Cottonmouths.
Yippee O, wilds.
I'm still working on mine ... I got sidetracked but I promise it soon!
Dharma -- You've gone deep on me, I don't recognize it, but it's full ot truth and bitters
Bill S -- Thanks -- now if iz only had friggin' talint
Wonderful.
They that have power to hurt and will do none,
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow,
They rightly do inherit heaven's graces
And husband nature's riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer's flower is to the summer sweet,
Though to itself it only live and die,
But if that flower with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity:
For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
"That's nice work if you can get it
And you can get if if you try"
I think the neighbor's dogs just start barking again -- I better stop singing
I don't believe I'd like to be the Parody Lady.
Thou hast a silver tongue and slippery thighs.
Watch that thou doest truly speak,
or condemned to fires of woman's scorn
willst thou be.
I hope she was suitably impressed.
Mrs Michaels -- Careful, you know how attractive you are to a dangerous man
Laurel -- Ah, I fear my love is unrequited