I don't know about anyone else, but I need a break from all the depressing news of the day. The other day I ran across an item in which the writer mistakenly disparaged something as “an old wise tale”. That got me laughing – and thinking about other old sayings that could be distorted for pleasure:
A word to the wives is insufficient.
A man’s home is his hassle.
Children should be seen, not hurt.
A snitch in time saves none.
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t.
Lie down with sheep, get up with fleece
When I am old I shall swear purple
If at first you don’t succeed, try politics.
Crime doesn't pay nearly as well as politics.
Speak loudly and act like a big dick.
Fool me once; shame on you; fool me twice; you’re still President.
Rumors of my dearth have been grossly misunderestimated.
A hatched plot never foils (ha!).
Hate makes waste.
Revenge is a dish best served Colt.
He’s out of his debts.
A fool and his money are soon Teapartied.
A penny saved is a penny turned to the advantage of banksters.
Hell hath no fury like a vermin’s scam (Bernie Madoff).
Damning with fake praise (Pat Robertson).
Scarcer than houndstooth (Paul Bear Bryant).
Cogito; ergo, sue 'em (ABA)
Non cogito; ergo, fundare
(I think not; therefore, I am a Fundamentalist).
Judge not, lest ye be bugged (John Gotti).
Judge not, lest ye be drugged (Rush Limpbone).
Judge not, lest ye be Drudged (Sonya Sotamayor).
Judge not, lest ye be judged a fool (Clarence Thomas).
Judge not, lest ye be judged a tool (Scalia, Roberts and Alito).
He who laughs last laughs loudest.
He who laughs last is embarrassed.
He who laughs last is dull-witted.
©2010 Tom CordleOK -- your turn
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Comments
Especially in those infamous smoke-filled rooms in DC
Judge not, lest ye be Trudged (OS).
A note on the hand is worth two on the teleprompter?
oh nevermind.
they're small.
Judge not, less you be Drudged
Switch your visitors after three days
Karin
It's actually "whirled peas"
Fudo
I can relate
Mrs Manning
You have a dirty mind,
Akopsa
You need to eat some cheese -- maybe that'll stop you up.
Nothing to add except that one day my daughter and I were listening to Dido's song "White Flag" on the radio -- and there's a line "And I won't put my hands up and surrender." My daughter says to me, "This is a great song, except for the poking the eyes out part. That's weird." I say, "What are you talking about!?" She sings, "And I won't poke my eyes out and surrender." So now if we're together and that song comes on I sing her version loudly, while making Three Stooges eye-poking motions. Yes, I know there will be a nursing home in my future. It's worth it.
everything but the kitchen zinc
I'd like to laugh, but I'm afraid I'll be last
A penny saved leads to many pennies in a jar, which you will never take the time to count.
Friends?
Take care of the pennies, and the dollars will taken by someone else.
I loved it, I intend to steal it!! Friends? You betcha (wink, wink)
Sorry, but my reply to you disappeared in the ether. Yes, it is wise to be kind to old people, but it is even wiser for old people to be kind to people who take care of them.
If at first you don't secede...
Was that from Rick Perry or John C. Calhoun or Dude Palin?
Oedipal rage, like incest, should be kept in the family
Love this stuff. R
How about: A fool and his money are soon TARP-ed.
I figured this would be down your alley
Ain't it the truth
We will swill no wine before it's time.
Queso-us Saves
That's easy -- the butt-room.