NEW YORK – A source close to the Mitt Romney campaign confided to a select group of journalists this afternoon that the Republican presidential candidate does in fact have a binder full of women and, said the source, “We’re talking top-shelf fillies here; not some Eliot Spitzer skanks. I mean bona fide Grade-A politi-hos.”
Speaking candidly on the condition of anonymity, the source went on to say, “Look, who can honestly claim to have binders-o-bitches? Hefner? John Casablancas? Maybe Larry Flynt? I’m telling you, those guys are small time. Mitt’s got himself a bevy of broads bigger than any playa in the game. Mitt don’t front. When it comes to cabinet-staffing, Mitt keeps his mind on his binders and his binders on his mind. He’s got Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham. He’s got Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann in some schizo-on-schizo action. He’s got Greta Van Susteren from the neck down. I’ve seen those binders. They’re wicked hot.”
Asked how Romney came to possess his prized binders, the source claimed, “It ain’t nothin’ but a thang for Mitt. He keeps it real. One of his hoes needs some time off to feed her babies, Mitt’s down with that. Bitch be needin’ a break to deal with lady business, it’s cool. That’s why all the fine D.C. heiffers be rushing up in Mitt’s crib, filling his binders, taking his calls, rounding out his personnel needs. The brother’s got a way with women that’d make Casanova blush.”
As of press time no individual woman had come forth to admit she appears in Romney’s now ignominious binders, although one leading Republican spokesperson, Carly Fiorina, refused to deny categorically that she sent the Romney campaign a head shot.
Said Fiorina, “If I did, that’s an issue between me and the nominee, and perhaps Paul Ryan. He’s a total babe.”