Life on Almosta Ranch

Stories of ranch life and other silly musings of an old codger

David McClain

David McClain
Doniphan, Missouri, USA
February 08
I am a simple man who has lived a simple life for sixty years. I have not dined with movie stars nor Kings and Queens. I have not walked the halls of power, nor have I been a mover and a shaker. I have, however, been a soldier, a tinker, a jack of all trades. I have raised five children....I have been loved and I have loved. I do not see grand designs nor do I chase afer them. Instead, I listen to the heartbeat of the land and I rejoice in a bird's song in the morning. Do not come here seeking answers for I have none. I do have questions which I will ask you constantly though. I do not believe in aruging so Politics will not be discussed in my blog. I do not care what your personal beliefs are for you are free to believe as you will...please allow me to do likewise. I have never been rich, but I have always been poor. Being poor however has never stopped me from feeling rich. I feel rich because I have the love of a good woman. Melinda completes me. She gives me the peace of mind and soul required to write about life without regrets and without envy of those who might have more. She is my world. Almosta Ranch is our heaven and we are happiy. This is what I want to share with you in this blog.


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DECEMBER 12, 2011 1:04PM

Aging and Me....It's Not All Bad

Rate: 36 Flag

The Internet is full of blogs lamenting the onset of old age, the loss of mobility, the waves of various aches and pains, and the general loss of precious Time in our lives. TV is full of adds for all sorts of products meant to ward off the effects of time on the human body, creams and lotions whose only purpose is to hide the effects of decades of living on our faces and bodies.

Bull Hockey!

Every morning I wake up with a whole new set of aches and pains. Every day I notice a reduction in the speed and sureness of my step. Every night I notice how the cold weather effects my body and bones…a little more each night, making it harder and harder to find sleep.

Well I’m here to tell you it ain’t all bad, bucko. Nope, I have learned to welcome the ravages of old age. Acceptance can be a good thing, you know. There are so many things in life that a younger man might stress over that no longer bother me at all and here are a few examples…

1. Dieting and eating healthy….Fuggetaboutit! Up until I was fifty two years old I weighted exactly ten pounds more than I did when I was twenty and in the best shape of my life. Then, shortly after turning fifty-three I suddenly acquired the metabolic rate of a dead slug and everything I ate and drank…including water…turned to fat and my body began to broaden, and soften and my pants size began its upward climb faster than the price of gas at the pump. At first I was dismayed by this cruel turn of events then after thinking about it, I realized this was only a natural event. No matter what I ate, it was going to converted, instantly, to fat which would locate itself in the region of my waist. You have no idea how freeing that realization is. If it was all gonna turn into fat then why worry with the health food….Pass the pork chops and taters. Throw some gravy on the whole mess and give me two extra biscuits! Acceptance is Good!

A friend once chided me, stating that if I were to eat healthier I could possibly add ten or fifteen years to my life. What? Now why in the hell would I want to live fifteen years longer than my “sell by” date? No thank you. I am content to check out early and leave the rest of you mutts to deal with the mess we’ve made of this country and this world. I am happy to die fat and happy!

2. The Opposite Sex…..Sex? What? Only kidding…my memory isn’t that bad yet. It’s just that now, when encountering a member of the Fair Sex, I am no longer a slave to that whole male/female ritual mating dance we seem genetically cursed to endure. Nope, now at this advanced age, I am afforded the wonderful freedom of looking until my heart’s content, admiring a lady’s beauty, without ever having to worry about where it’s going to lead. I LOVE IT! Being an old guy around beautiful young women is much like the dog who always chases cars….he loves to chase em but he don’t have a clue what he would do if he actually caught one.

It is also great not to be taken seriously by those same beautiful thangs. Let’s face it, I was born and raised in Texas where flirting is a way of life. Back in my younger days flirting brought on a whole set of concerns….like having to eventually make good on all that big talk. Not now. No siree, now I find myself in the enviable position of the ladies never taking me seriously. No matter what might fall out of my mouth, they just smile and say: “Oh you are sooo cute.” Yeah baby, that’s me…cute.

I swear I can’t walk into my old store from which I retired without being surrounded by these little cuties who insist on hugging me and giving me kisses on the cheek…what’s not to love? I relish getting all this attention without ever having to bring one home and then having to explain to Mel…. “ It’s not my fault honey, she just followed me home. Can we keep it???

So you see, there is a silver lining to this whole aging cloud that hangs over all of us. We are afforded the opportunity to stop stressing and just accept it…we’re older than dirt, our bodies are mere shadows of the lovely selves they once were as are our abilities. So relax, smile, and enjoy the “Golden years”. Nobody likes a grumpy-Gus anyway.

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I agree...once you figure out there is only a finite time to life and we've made it this far...accept it and live each day fully. I have to laugh, nobody does like a grumpy Gus.
Torman, you are not at an advanced age! Advanced age is after 75 in my opinion. You're at an age of acceptance and gratefulness for what you can still do and enjoy guilt-free - such as appreciating a beautiful female. I think part of the reason many of us may have put on weight is the sedantariness Open Salon blogging brings on. And one final word from a caring friend: Be careful about the extra gravy and "taters".

I agree that it is not so bad but I do notice that only baby boys and old men pay any attention to me.
A big AMEN to this one! You have become a very wise Old Guy -- enjoy those biscuits, & don't forget the butter!
Nobody likes a Grumpy Gus, that is for sure. Great post Tor, good to see you back again.
Torman forgotten? Surely you jest.

It's so very good to see you here, and with such a relevant (well, to me, for sure) post. Like you, I've given up trying to figure out why and just get on with it. F'rinstance, we're leaving in about 20 minutes for a nice long walk in the park (the part that isn't still under water), something I wouldn't have had time to do back in the day.
You're a good preacher, Tor. I'm trying to believe...believe me, I'm trying!
I can accept the ravages of age on my looks. I can accept the whole sex? why? thing I get scared of it ending. Not so much afraid of death but of the loss of those people and things that I love. By the way, if I have to make seventy five to qualify as advanced I will never reach an advanced age. Waking up tomorrow is already on my endangered list. Know any freelance editors in the region?
Loved it! I can just see you trying to "take one home"! That followed you, of course! R
david. I figure that we all need UPC codes on our arms or legs. I think that would take are of everything..:)
Anybody can talk the talk, thems that walk the walk, thems the rare birds. My hats off to all the second thems
Tor, the best thing to me is Time. Time to read books I had no time for before. To learn to write, and to get across feelings I never could before. To make new friends, like you and Mel. You're right, it doesn't get much better than this. (Ouch, just moved my arm the wrong way:-)
Yep, I'm in the same boat. I can still trip down a set of stairs except now, rather than scampering I'm literally tripping.
And while, like you, I still appreciate a woman's beauty there is no longer any desire to do anything other than admiring how luxurious her hair is or how clear her complexion or how shapely her behind.
And lastly, everything's better with gravy AND with bacon fat.
Having just suffered a mild stroke, I think I'd kill to have my childhood back.
"It’s not my fault honey, she just followed me home. Can we keep it??"

I tried that one with my wife, and she said, NO! BRING IT BACK WHERE YA FOUND IT!! :( :D

My pop is still the biggest flirt(going on 70 next year) and he says it only gets better with age. :D
"Bull Hockey"! Now, that's a keeper. Very funny. Keep living life as you do, Torman. You have a great sense of humor.
I most whole heartily agree with all of this post Torman.
Long may you run...or walk..or something.
and leave some of them pork chops and gravy and biscuits for me to eat too.
My favorite dish, ya know...
You are sooooo cute, Torman! Thanks for making me laugh on a dreary winter day.

Here's to old age - I'll drink to that!
I do like Toritto's comment. I don't give a rat's ass either. Love me or leave me alone. Great post. But don't tell me you wouldn't want extra time with Mel. -R-
I could not agree more and flirting is still fun just now, as a woman, I need to remember I don't want to take them home ")
I just bump along and try to do my own thing. Usually it works...Ha.
I am enjoying the heck out of......did you say, "Golden Years?!?" Must I admit that?!
I might not know much about young cuties, but I do know about older cuties, and god forbid anything should ever happen to Mel, you would soon find a lengthy line of twinkly-eyed wrinkly-eyed women bearing casseroles at your door.
Sigh. I suppose old age has its compensations, just as "youth is wasted on the young." I can face old age courageously, as long as I have Will. Without him, I envision myself filling the house with cats and dogs for company, and becoming the neighborhood Eccentric.
I am one of the ladies bearing casseroles.Mel will accept me because she knows best how cute ANDsweet you are.
Every woman would be happy to have a loving,caring husband at her side.
You know,David,there are not too many around like you...well,I know there is one here on this blog,one of your friends.

Thank you David,as always.
Are you working on your book and when will it be ready to be published?

In case I won't have time left within the next 10 days:
Merry christmas to you and Mel.
One thing that never changes and even improves with age is your talent for writing and your unique sense of humour.

My sis and I rolled around laughing at this and now we have new aches and pains from doing that.
Good post, of course, we are reminded daily that the alternative is worse. RRR.
Sir you are a wise one.
Hope you and Mel have a happy holiday!
Sorry to be late to the party - I was felled by a stomach virus that can only be described as straight from the bowels of Hell...

I walk a fine line between being okay with my advancing age and wanting to throw myself on the floor sobbingevery time I pass a mirror. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm vain to a fault. Didn't think aging would be as big an issue to me as it apparently is, but I don't guess I counted on catching glimpses of my mother (and okay, let's be honest - even my grandmother!) when I look in the mirror.

Great post, David and it is wonderful to see you back here again!
I have missed you a lot. I tried to read a few others after you left for your break, but my heart wasn't into it like when I could look forward to one of your stories. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a couple other people here too, but you were why I joined and loosing you, even temperarily left me sad.

Then you choose to come back right while I am in the middle of the great move of 2011. So, I didn't even know you were back till yesterday when I stopped at the local library to catch up. Of course, good ol Murphy was tagging along and I didn't get to comment. So, I came back today posted a story about the trip from Minnesota to here and made sure to get this comment in before I log off to go clean some flower beds for the court house.

You be well, keep writing and take care of Mel.