Something told me I was in trouble the moment I made the suggestion. I have learned through painful experience, that making any sort of suggestion to my wife has the potential of blowing up in my face. This is a perfect example of that belief.

One day, almost a year ago, I innocently offered the idea that Almosta Ranch start stocking pigs. Now I’m thinking pigs as a food source or a source of income from the sale of the animals to the meat market. My suggestion was met with a frown and a weak endorsement from Mel: “Yeah…maybe.”

Of course I interpreted that remark as her way of saying: “When said pigs FLY!” So I promptly forgot about it. Until about a week ago, that is, when my suggestion came back to haunt me.

Mel: “You remember when you came up with that great idea about pigs?”

Me: “No!” I have a sixth-sense for recognizing oncoming danger.

Mel: “About a year ago you suggested we should get into raising pigs”.

Me: “DID NOT”! My inner alarm bells are sounding full blast now and I’m determined not to take any share of whatever calamity that is about to befall us.

Mel: “Oh hush. You know you did and I think you are right. In fact I know just the sort of pig we should get. Here’s a picture of one.” With that she handed me her lap-top and pointed to the picture of a pig she had found online.

So there it was: The Juliana Pig. Full grown these pigs are only twelve to fifteen inches tall and they are sold as….wait for it….PETS! Seems there is a thriving market for these things as pets. They are smarter than dogs, cleaner than dogs, and can be taught to use a litter-box….who knew! From all I’ve read now, the Juliana pig is also more cute and lovable than the Pot-bellied pigs who, while small at birth, soon turn into four and five hundred pound behemoths that eat you out of house and home.

My worse nightmare had just come to light. So now I have about three months to turn half our barn into a miniature pig habitant. That is the length of time before we receive our first pigs…a male and female, babies, and one full grown sow.

I must add here that I did have one final “suggestion” for Mel which earned me a slap on the back of the head like that handed out by Gibbs on NCIS. I seriously suggested that if they don’t sell as pets we could always sell them to some of those gourmet restaurants who could serve little, tiny pork chops on big plates, surrounded by a lot of foo-foo veggies for a giant price. Or maybe served as very short pieces of bacon for those on a diet and wanting to cut down on their cholesterol.

When will I learn not to make suggestions?