I have been online very sparingly over the last couple of weeks. It seems that this blanket of malaise has covered me of late, like a faceless discontent or an itch I can not scratch and has left me with little desire to enter the online circus.
If I had to put a name to what ails me it would be Depression. We are old friends, depression and I and have kept up a more than nodding acquaintance for a good forty years or more.
I know that a part of it is the time of year we are in right now. It seems that if anything bad, really mind-blowing- drop you to your knees- bitch-slap you over backwards is going to happen it will happen between December and March. It never fails with me, this time of year is always my own personal Armageddon season.
I have tried to analyze these feelings lately because that’s just how I am; I want to know the root of any problem. Well today something clicked into place for me like a long sought after puzzle piece that had somehow been overlooked. I was watching the news this morning and I suddenly realized a large portion of my problem: I really dislike the 21st century.
I feel as out of place as a lady of ill repute in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I hate the constant yammering, the instant connection, the molehills made into mountains, all of it. I hate cell-phones on which you can watch movies, send letters, get the weather report and, before long I am sure, cook breakfast.
I detest the Cult of Personality and the worshiping at the alter of the latest trend. I hate how shallow and judgmental we as a people have become, and all the while declaring ourselves all inclusive. I really, really, dislike it when some rock star or movie idol or some politician dies and I see people writing how “Devastated” they are by that death, even though they have never met or interacted with the deceased at all. I find that silly in the extreme and contend that people who say things like that have never truly been devastated before or they would know the difference.
To be truthful, it is not just the 21st Century I dislike, I was not all the comfortable with the 20th century as well. I guess, if I were made to swear on a stack of bibles, I would have to say that I would have been so much happier had I been born in the 19th century.
The 1800’s, where time was measured not in seconds, or minutes, but in hours or days when a task was undertaken. A time when a ten mile trip into a town and back for supplies took planning and a whole day to achieve.
A time when you raised your own food and lived off the bounty of the land. I’ve done this before and would be perfectly happy to do it again. A time when you were not constantly bombarded by pleas to “Buy, Buy, Buy” and with so called experts telling you how you should feel about every topic from who should be President to how you should raise your kids. I yearn for more silence I guess.
There is one thing I am grateful for in this accursed 21st century and that is the ability to listen to wonderful music. I have the luxury of leaving my TV turned onto one of the many music channels and I can sit in my chair when my chores are done and let that music wash all my cares and soreness away. For that I am thankful. The rest I can live without.
So I guess that is the root of my depression, my discontent, whatever you want to call it. I feel out of place, out of time and it is bothersome. I am sure that a lot of that feeling comes from my age and I readily accept that. This world is for the young. That fact is oh so apparent.
Now, since my blog is mainly about Almosta Ranch and the life we live here in the hinterlands, I would like to leave you with an image that remains the same, no matter what century we happen to live in. Here on Almosta the herd has to be tended and the old fashion way, no matter what the weather is like.