Chasing Dreams: The Secrets to My Lack of Success
Regret. Turn on the radio and you'll hear its siren call. There's Harry Chapin on the oldies station singing “The Cat's in the Cradle”, wishing he had spent more time with his son. Flip the channel to country and you'll hear Toby Keith telling us he “Shoulda been a Cowboy”. There's Billy Joel on the Adult Contemporary channel singing about “Paul the real estate novelist” and “John the movie star bartender” in his classic “Piano Man”.
As I near my mid-30s, these songs become more than just pretty melodies for me with the lyrics merely a way to fill meter and create rhyme. For the first time, the words themselves and their infinite sadness begin to resonate.
Like the characters in “Piano Man”, I wish I had made more out of my life when I had the chance. Battles with depression cut short my first two attempts at college so for the third go-around I chose the path of least resistance, the course of study any screw-up could pass: education. “Those who can't do, teach” became a cliché for a reason: Teaching is what you do when you give up on your dreams. During one of my education courses, our professor asked us all what we really wanted to do with our lives. Not a single one of us said teach.
We all looked at teaching as the pragmatic, mature choice. Certainly pursuing a teaching degree seemed more realistic to us than acting, writing or art. None of us wanted to become the forty year-old bus boy at Spago still looking for his big break in Hollywood. But in the case of this stock boy who has yet to use his degree, the easy way out is proving much more daunting than he ever thought! It's one thing to fail at your dreams, knowing you actually went for it, whereas others only talk about it, assauges the pain. But when you even fail at your safety, fallback option, that's excrutiating.
In a world in which nearly one in five high school biology teachers believe dinosaurs and man co-existed, mere ignorance alone will not dissuade a principal from hiring you. But if that same principal even sniffs a hint of introversion, you might as well stick that portfolio back in your briefcase and end the interview early as both myself and my introvert wife have discovered. Is it any wonder American students consistently lag behind Asia and Europe in testing when our teachers are chosen for personality over credentials and common sense?
My dream, you see, was to become a writer, which as we all well know is simply corporate speak for Olive Garden waiter. I thought I was so bright and practical back then. I would not waste thousands of hours composing a novel only to see it go unread collecting dust in a slush pile. No, I would give it all up for a government job where the paychecks came on time.
I knew all the horror stories by heart we artistic types have suffered through before getting discovered. My all-time favorite is the Jackson Browne story. Browne sent manager David Geffen an unsolicited demo tape and 8 x 10” glossy. Geffen, as you might have guessed, pitched both in the trash. Luckily for Browne, Geffen's secretary noticed the cute head shot in the trash, fished the demo out of the can and let's just put it this way: if it weren't for that secretary “Doctor My Eyes” would be what we screamed when the LASIK surgeon flinched.
Unfortunately I lacked Jackson Browne's then boyish good looks so there would be no rescues courtesy of horny young secretaries for me! So I decided to save myself the pain and give up before I started. Finding Open Salon is like bumping into an old high school flame. All those old feelings were quickly rekindled and I began writing for the first time since high school. Although happy to rediscover a lost love, there is regret about this fourteen year gap in my life. According to Malcolm Gladwell's latest book “Outliers: the Story of Success”, it is hard work and not talent alone which separate the Chuck Klostermanns of the world from the anonymous Internet blogger. Ten thousand hours of practice is the magic number, a number I would have surpassed a few years ago if only I had been an impractical creative writing or journalism major. Instead I only have about 9,995 more hours to go before I get good at this.
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bluestocking babe
Jeanette DeMain
From The Midwest
Patrick Frank
Kent Pitman
sueinaz
Salon.com
Comments
Love your sense of humor.
I understand the need to move on to go back at a certain point in your life and rethink and revisit some old passions. I'm doing that now but I don't think that teaching is a pit fall for all lost souls.
I think the perception that you portray of teaching is what keeps teachers thought of as unprofessional when true good teachers work harder than many people I know and are pasionate about it, but still need a second income to survive.
You are young and it is never to late to change your path. Keep striving for more, but leave the teachers alone.
Don't beat yourself out for opting out of journalism school. I went back to school to study journalism but as a writer found it less than satisfying. Shall we say.
And please don't knock teaching! It's what I am doing now and I love it, though I hated it at first. I' m introverted too but after a while I decided to take on an extroverted, high-energy persona, just for the purpose of teaching. It's fun, like make-believe. There are worse things you could be doing, like sitting at a desk doing mind-numbing exel spread sheet stuff.
I still write, by the way, and manage to get published from time to time, and I will write a book some day. Teaching and doing are not mutually exclusive. :-)
But you are right about most public schools--they hate "smart teachers." That's why I became the union president. They didn't dare mess with me!
"The First in the World Consortium (from Chicago in 1997) bravely set out to prove that American public schools with the resources to do their job can, indeed, do their job quite well. These schools serve a wealthy and predominantly white community and that, unfortunately, has meaning for understanding schooling in contemporary America. These were communities where middle- and upper-income families had jobs that paid well and therefore they provided health care for their children; where parents insured that their children had the physical space and learning tools that were needed to achieve in school; where parents communicated strong educational values and helped create a home environment that was compatible with the school achievement; where parental values and income combine to provide their local schools with adequate funding, resulting in competent teachers, working for decent rates of pay, in well maintained physical plants. These conditions are typical of the public schools in communities all over this nation where it is possible for people to pursue and realize the American dream. These conditions are prevalent in the multitude of communities where families have some stability and dignity in their lives, and therefore raise children that have some vision of themselves as competent, useful, and well-remunerated adults. In communities such as these, teachers talk about standards, set high expectations, receive good training, and are given the chance to implement a rigorous and successful curriculum.
So what happened to these exemplary American public schools when they said to the TIMSS directorate "test us if you dare, we'll pay the bill?" They got their way and entered the study. Students of theirs were randomly selected to be tested in the same way that a national sample would have been tested in any of the other participating countries. When their mathematics test results were announced they ranked fifth overall, but their score was exceeded statistically by only one other nation! And in science, the First in the World Consortium ranked second in the world, but statistically no nation scored any higher than they did! Not bad, we think, for a set of public schools that is said by its critics to be unable to deliver.
http://courses.ed.asu.edu/berliner/readings/alliancew.htm
I am so sorry you are so sour on education. I hope you will find success in writing.
As for writing, gifted writers never stop writing, regardless of their circumstances. That doesn't mean they necessarily publish, but they are always writing, everywhere--on brown paper bags, in journals, along the margins of beloved books. Writing is a compulsion for people born to write. Of course, the literary scene is as difficult to navigate as teaching is and I know that great writing gets tossed into the trash by junior editors who have to screen new manuscripts, especially in this day of The Simple Declarative Sentence. If you find that you NEED to write and get antsy when you can't--that's it; you're in. But get ready for rejection letters--they mean nothing. Tenacity is as essential to writing as talent and skill. Oh--and all those MFA graduates? Guess what. They're teaching.
This sounds more like it was written by someone in their mid-fifties.
Shoot, you got a long way to go. Get movin' and stop being so lazy!
You lump all teachers into the same group, mainly as failures at anything else they may have tried. But as a teacher, when I see that light bulb of understanding go on, or I know I've said something that sparked an entirely new direction of thought (just as some teachers did for me!), or after trying five patient explanations to a fifth grader who finally "gets" fractions, then there are few things more rewarding than that! I opened a mind! I advanced that mind! Those moments are some of the most rewarding ones of my life! Can you say you changed a life, even in a small way?!
Maybe you'll get a note from a reader some day, as I did from a college student of mine, who said I had changed her life, that my class was the most meaningful one of her education, that I had made her think about things in an entirely new light, that she quoted me, for God's sake! And then, maybe you won't......
Rated for honesty and angst.
If you are not inspired to teach then do keep writing, but do not teach.
Many great teachers didn't plan on teaching but they became so skilled and gifted in their work and were so passionate about it that other people simply listened and learned from them. The best teachers are those who are passionate about what they do-- so passionate that they're naturally inspiring. A good teacher naturally inspires our creative muse, leads our brains to clarify, invites our minds to comprehend and bridges the gaps between us all.
Come here, you. I’ve got something to teach you.
I have taught for 29 years and still look forward to coming to work every morning. I have continued my own education over the years, changing subject areas (which requires more degrees or "specials") in order to keep myself fresh and engaged. I've touched the future and wouldn't change it for anything. Along the way, I've done many other things: direct choirs and musicals, pursued travel and art and written a great deal.
My motivations to teach are and have always been for what I can bring to kids. If you have a moment, read The Red Dress and perhaps you'll understand.
Good luck in whatever you decide to pursue. Remember, if you can read this, thank a teacher...but please don't insult us.
"This statement: Is it any wonder American students consistently lag behind Asia and Europe is a false cliche in itself and shows to me that you have not done your homework."
I did my homework. That statement was based on an article from the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/04/AR2007120400730.html
I'll write more tomorrow clearing up some other misconceptions about my post.
"Billy Joel? Okay. But Toby Keith? Dude, what you need is a satellite radio and a little uptick in your serotonin level."
I was attempting to write a universal piece anyone with regrets in their life could relate to. That's why I chose songs almost everyone knows. Let's say I chose 3 obscure songs. How many people would really search for audio clips of them on the internet? How many people would want to devote that much time to reading a blog post?
As for Toby Keith, "Shoulda Been a Cowboy" was the most played song on country radio in the '90s:
http://www.cmt.com/news/country-music/1553672/toby-keith-jams-notches-50-million-airplays.jhtml
"You are already good, by the way...."
I don't know about that. If you measure a writer by his ability to convey his thoughts to an audience, I have a lot of practice left to do, based simply on the number of people who interpreted this post as a slam against teachers. I intended it to be the somber reflections of a man approaching the autumn of his years. Guess I need to work on writing more clearly.
Thanks for the compliment though.
"I realized that my friend's mom was right--teaching is not about teaching in most settings these days. It is about every other job but teaching."
Great way to put it and I wholeheartedly agree.
"You are nearing your mid-thirties?
This sounds more like it was written by someone in their mid-fifties.
Shoot, you got a long way to go. Get movin' and stop being so lazy!"
The men in my family suffer from a long history of heart trouble so my time is not as long as you might think. I might as well be in my mid 50s given how young we D'arby men are when we kick the bucket.
View my blog. I've been doing a lot of writing since I discovered Open Salon.
Teaching is only a good profession for those who want to be... TEACHERS.
Don't knock it till you've tried it!
“'Those who can't do, teach' became a cliché for a reason: Teaching is what you do when you give up on your dreams."
The post itself doesn't focus on that part, but the cover quote made it look like that was your primary message.
Congrats on making the cover, btw!
How can any serious person interested in reporting the truth not take into account items like the fact that the United States has a childhood poverty rate of 21.5%? Sweden, Finland, Switzerland, all three common countries in these international tests, have rates at around 3%. So , we have poverty rates seven times higher than most other countries, a variety of cultures, thousands of diverse school districts, many students who have an original language other than English and we mainstream all our Special Education students. We have two large minority groups that make up more than a fourth of our kids. Shouldn't Finland, a small country with one language, one basic system, one major language, a low childhood poverty rate, free preschool for all and a national health care system do better than all our kids? You take our top 25% of students and compare them with any other country's top 25% and then you can talk with knowledge. To ignore the differences in societies is intellectually dishonest and plain lazy.
By the way, I picked teaching as a career. I was a professional athlete, have succeeded in starting two successful businesses and excelled in nearly everything I have chosen to do. Your claim that the only ones who get into teaching are those who have given up their dreams, is insulting to me and thousands of others who consider teaching to be a noble and honorable way to help make the world a better place. I have never been jealous of Billy Joel or anyone else in my life. Your quote on the front page of this site would shame me but I guess you feel honored to have dishonorable words out there in public view for a few moments. Bravo!
Literary writers rarely make a living from their craft. Most of them have other jobs. A lot of them are teachers.
"I have never been jealous of Billy Joel or anyone else in my life. Your quote on the front page of this site would shame me but I guess you feel honored to have dishonorable words out there in public view for a few moments. Bravo!"
I mentioned a Billy Joel song in my post. I never accused anyone of being jealous of Billy Joel. And when did I even mention being on the cover, let alone gloat about it?
As for the objectionable quote, I was directing it toward myself, not every single teacher in the world.
Also, please see my post, "Where dreams go to die."
In the school system I work in, it seems like mediocrity is acceptable. If you are trying to teach you are an outcast. Sometimes an older/mentor teacher will tell a new teacher things like "I remember when I was young and full of ideas" or if a younger teacher is presenting a lesson to the group the older teacher may comment "I've been doing this a while". These comments may seem harmless, but sometimes they can be offensive if you hear the tone of the speaker.
As for my career in education, I am not sure if I can really call it that. I enjoy teaching and I have a good relationship with my students; nonetheless, I have so many other issues with the state of public education in America that I don't know how long I will be able to stick with it.
Rated because some people just can't.
Great posting. The story of my life - up to a point. But what makes you a "failure" as a writer in your 30s? After a major career shift (to put it mildly), I finally returned to my own literary dreams at 38, and was delighted to receive the proofs for my first novel in the mail on the eve of my 40th birthday. At 47 I'm finishing up novel #6. No, I haven't had much critical success and the royalties only keep me in postage stamps, but I'm finally doing what I always wanted to do.
Frank McCourt, who just died, published his first book at 66 and plenty of other successful authors also got going at an advance age. Of course, if you're in your 30s, you're practically still a child! So start chipping away at those 10,000 hours! I mean, have you got anything better to do?