In the 1950s, while out on the town in Miami Beach, Frank Sinatra wandered into Murray Franklin's nightclub. Upon seeing The Chairman of the Board, the unknown comedian up on stage ad libbed: "Make yourself at home, Frank. Hit somebody!"
You might have heard of this comic before. His name: Don Rickles.
* * *Ladies, ask any guy and he will tell you women love jerks. Gentlemen, ask any woman and she will tell you guys love bitchy women.
Both genders are guilty as charged. Scott Peterson--who killed his 8 months pregnant wife Laci--was swamped with marriage proposals while in prison. And he's not the only one: women found the Menendez brothers, Richard Ramirez, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson equally irresistible. Gentleman, if you want to get laid, I suggest hacking up a family or two.
Men aren't much better. We shell out $220 an hour for the privilege of being whipped by a professional dominatrix while the Craigslist men seeking men ads are dominated by bottoms seeking tops.
The truth is we all love mean people.
Yes, I know: those ubiquitous bumper stickers you find on every VW van you spot on the street state otherwise. And our parents did drill it into our heads to play nice if you want to make friends, so what I am about to write will strike many of you as counter intuitive but please hear me out before commenting.
For every Ray Romano who hits it big playing nice, there's a dozen Lisa Lampanellis who rocket to the top by insulting their audiences. Kathy Griffin toiled on the B-list as just another generic, horny red-haired secretary on an NBC office show until she discovered insulting Christianity's most beloved icon at the Emmy Awards could put you on the A-list:
"Now, a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. So all I can say is suck it, Jesus, this award is my god now!"
Ratings for her Bravo reality show skyrocketed after she made the remarks, which just goes to show you we Americans prefer a good bitch slap to a turning of the other cheek.
Before you argue that a different set of rules apply to comedy, take a look at the music industry. It's actually considered an honor in Hollywood to be dissed by Eminem. Led Zeppelin are almost as beloved for the shark episode as they are for their music. And Motley Crue? An autobiography chronicling their abuse of women spent ten weeks on the venerable New York Times Bestseller List and made the band relevant once again.
The two breakout stars of reality TV--American Idol judge Simon Cowell and Chef Gordon Ramsey--are also the pre-eminent enfant terribles of the genre.
Mean people rule politics as well. Look at the right prostrating themselves before their leaders like the good little Nazis they long to be. And we on the left are almost as bad, always pointing out how much smarter and progressive the French are than us. Masochism is an epidemic in our country.
Why do we love mean people so much?
Because nice is disingenuous. Ladies, have you ever met a self-described "nice guy"? They're the most embittered, two-faced bastards you'd ever want to meet. They only act nice toward women because they're afraid of women. If you could only read the bullshit they post anonymously to the Internet, you would see the lie behind their niceness.
Gentlemen, recall the last time one of your fellow cubicle mates gave you a compliment. Remember how quickly that compliment was followed by a sales pitch involving overpriced candy and band trips?
Being nice is fake but meanness does not have an angle. Let's face it, a "hey buddy" sells more candy than a "hey, asshole!"
We are attracted to the authenticity of mean people. Look at two of the most popular coaches of all time: Bill Parcells and Bob Knight. Both said whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. If a reporter asked a stupid question, each would sarcastically put the perpetrator in his place. We all know releasing anger is cathartic but we're just too socially conditioned to act upon our impulses.
That is why we admire those who do so much.
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bluestocking babe
Jeanette DeMain
From The Midwest
Patrick Frank
Kent Pitman
sueinaz
Salon.com
Comments
Go figure.
I do remember in high school when me and some fellow "nice guys" thought about abandoning that philosophy and being cold and heartless...it seemed to work for so many guys.
Here's another theory:
An experiment was done with birds in a cage once. Researcherd dropped a container down into the cage with food in it. The birds couldn't actually get the foold out of the container, but the researchers would feed the birds when the birds tried to get the food in the container.
Results: When researchers fed the birds EVERY time they pecked at the container, they actually stopped pecking at it. When they RANDOMLY fed the birds, the birds never stopped pecking at the container.
When we're rewarded all the time by nice people, we tend to stop trying, get bored, and move on. When the mean people only reward us haphazardly, it gives us something to work for, and we never stop trying.
It's kind of like how many of us never stop trying to please the one parent who is impossible to please, rather than truly appreciating the parent that compliments us.
Looking back on my school years, I remember the crusty, old teachers a lot more than the nice ones.
KOB: You should check out the Rolling Stone Comedy issue from last year. They did a cover on Chris Rock and Don Rickles, who are both good buddies. Rickles has helped a lot of comedians out along the way.
BBE: Yep, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.
For both the people here who have yet to read the post, here it is:
http://open.salon.com/blog/will_someone_feed_the_cat/2009/05/20/judgmental_bitch_calling_out_os_bloggers