1.) Kurt Cobain: The Self-Loather

This redditer seemingly lives an enchanted existence. He has the hits and karma we all want, and his posts land on the cover of reddit quicker than ours reach the new list.

Yet it's still not enough for this tormented artiste. He is secretly ashamed of his success and constantly submits obscure links to prove his street cred.  Is also known to play an inordinate amount of Mudhoney songs in concert.

 2.) Sally Field:  The Goody-Two Shoes

After being America's Sweetheart for a remarkable 2o years and creating such beloved characters as Gidget and the Flying Nun as well as already owning one Oscar for Norma Rae, Sally Field seemed genuinely shocked to win a second for Places in the Heart.

"You like me, You really like me," is this redditer's personal motto.  Despite receiving more thumbs ups than Roger Ebert has given in his career, this redditer seems genuinely shocked that even a single person reads her blog.

 3.) Eminem: The Shock Jock

This redditer attacks a beloved reddit user to garner attention much like the real Slim Shady threatened to rip Pamela Anderson's tits off in his debut single "My Name Is".

4.) Emily Dickinson: The Diarist

This redditer claims to only write for herself yet her posts mysteriously find their way to reddit. It remains a mystery how they get here.

5.) Bart Simpson: The Rabble-Rouser

This redditer likes to cause mischief on reddit with Onion style spoofs.  He has issues with authority and the reddit moderators are his Principal Skinner. Also enjoys making crank calls on the Moe the Bartender of the World Wide Web: Wikipedia.

6.) Lisa Simpson: The Idealist

This selfless redditer is more interested in raising awareness of important issues like torture and prolonged detention than she does in blog whoring and self-promotion. A truly rare breed on reddit.

7.) Quentin Tarantino: The Rambler

This redditer unleashes in a stream of consciousness.  Much like Tarantino wrote a 500 page screenplay on napkins and other assorted kitchen paraphanelia, that his writing partner Roger Avary later helped edit down into several hit movies like Pulp Fiction, this redditer could often use the services of a good editor. Yet there are gold nuggets to be found a midst the mud for those who care to look.

8.) Annie Lebowitz: The Photographer

A sometimes welcome respite from the rambler. This redditer is not much for words but is known to submit both endearing original photos as well as trenchant ones borrowed from Google Images. When you would rather see a Bush joke than read one, turn to this redditer. 

9.) Brigitte Nielsen: The Attention Whore 

This venal redditer will do anything for attention, much like Ms. Nielsen who did the uncle who discusses his colostomy at the dinner table one better: she had her latest plastic surgery performed live on national television. Nothing is off-limits to this blogger, from openly discussing marital woes to dissing their children and real life boss, it's anything for a hit.  Although the anonymity of reddit seems safe enough, they are but one pissed off Internet Hacker away from having their true identity revealed.  

10.) Usain Bolt: The Post and Run

This redditer is known for his insane speed, able to clog the new post feed while uploading his entire Blogspot oeuvre to reddit.  Is known to sprint from a negative comment quicker than Usain Bolt out of the starting blocks. But unlike Mr. Bolt, who slows down at the end and takes a look back at the competition, this poster is seemingly oblivious to any comments left on his reddit submissions.

11.) Robin Williams: The Comedian Who Goes Dramatic

This redditer has the enviable ability to make people laugh but what he really wants is to be taken seriously as a writer. 

12.) Chris Matthews: The Meta-Blogger

These redditers are similar to the newscasters who turn politics into one perpetual campaign. Like Chris Matthews, who infamously spent more time ogling George W. Bush's flight suit codpiece on national television than he did actually analyzing the Iraq War, this redditer follows the "What's Hot" list more closely than the content of the actual submissions.

13.) Bill Simmons: The Amateur When It Suits His Needs

Whenever Bill Simmons is accused of shoddy writing or bias on his ESPN Sports Guy blog, he immediately defends himself as just another sports fan with a blog.  Funny, he doesn't feel that way on Fridays when he cashes his paycheck.

This redditer normally toils in anonymity and considers his writing too professional and erudite for the masses to comprehend. But when one of his submissions hits it big, he suddenly points to his amateur status to excuse himself from answering comments or criticisms of his submission. He goes from quasi-professional to just another henpecked husband who has to take out the trash in the blink of an eye.

14.) Brett Favre: The Flouncer

Much like Brett Favre retires or threatens to retire after nearly every football season only to inevitably "get the itch" to play again, this redditer is known for his repeated threats to forever leave reddit only to return a week later, either as himself or a thinly veiled sock puppet.

15.) Angelina Jolie: The Dominatrix

I'll let Stellaa start us out: "The Dominatrix starts with a reddit people are mediocre, childish, bad writers and crazy. Then Poof, her/his posts, go to the top of the hot list. Cause if you don't rate the Dominatrix/Dom, you will be perceived to be one of the people she is scolding, but if you praise and kneel at the alter of the Dom, you are obviously not who she/he is talking about."

The popularity of the dominatrix is further enhanced because those who are degraded take the insults with good humor to show they're in on the joke.  It's a Don Rickles-Frank Sinatra situation: Don made fun of Frank, Frank smiled to show he didn't take himself too seriously, and both careers were boosted.