That faint whimpering you hear coming from the north is the sound of all of Canada's single ladies weeping over the discovery that their nation's most eligible bachelor is now taken.
All I've got to say is put a rubber on it, Kid. We know where she's been and it's not pretty. Lord only knows we don't need another Magic Johnson on our hands.
For those unfamiliar with its history, the Stanley Cup has been around since honeys were wearing bloomers. Its origin even pre-dates the NHL. Way back in 1892, Lord Stanley--the Governor General of Canada--donated a Cup to be held “by the champion hockey team in the Dominion (of Canada).”
During the ensuing 107 years, the Cup has seen more action than a hooker at a Shriner's convention. Here are a few of the more entertaining stories:
1.) I Love That Doodoo That You Do
A word to the wise: never put an infant in the Cup. It's just not a good idea, as I'll let 2008 Stanley Cup winner Kris Draper explain: “She pooped in the Cup … We had a pretty good laugh. I still drank out of it that night, so no worries.”
2.) And I'd Like That With Sprinkles on Top, Please
Doug Weight of the Carolina Hurricanes filled the Cup “with gallons of ice cream, chocolate sauce, marshmallows, M&M’s and chocolate chips decorating St. Louis’s largest ice cream sundae. The kids dug into the treat and polished off most of it.”
Apparently all the other dishes in the house were dirty. And for the squeamish, this incident occurred two years before Draper's daughter did her #2.
3.) You know, the Holy Grail is just its nickname . . .
But apparently Sylvain Lefebvre took the nickname literally when he had his newborn daughter baptized in the Cup in 1996.
4.) Hope He Was Insured
In 1988, Edmonton Oiler Mark Messier dented the Lord Stanley's Cup and took it to an automotive repair shop to get it fixed. Unfortunately no word yet on if Geico paid out for the repairs.
5.) Swimming Lessons
In 1991, Pittsburgh Penguin Phil Borque dived into team captain Mario Lemieux's swimming pool with the Cup in tow. Unfortunately he lost his grip on the trophy, it sank to the bottom and in the process of fishing it out, a piece of the Cup broke off.
Talk about your belly flops!