Let me know if anyone has the answer...mine is as crazy as they come.

smoke the fucking bitch! I know some guy in Harlem who would fix her for some food stamps and half a dozen chicken wings

Is there a way to block her? I realize she could call from another number, but I will say this, you have to do your best to ignore and NOT pick up. If you pick up, you are strengthening her behavior to repeat repeat repeat because she knows eventually you will pick up. Finally, she will find another object to stalk and will leave you alone.

I have lame advice: You could set her number to have a silent ring. At least you could keep your phone on that way.

Boundaries, baby, boundaries.
That and don't let her have so much power over you. So what she is persistent, so what she keeps calling you? Don't attach to any of that...it's all just crazy ego stuff. Get Buddhist real quick. You do have a child with her. Learn all the good stuff there is to learn here. Anything that drives us crazy, that triggers us big time...oh there's always something good to learn there...always. It's just a little bit of work, self-awareness, practice, more practice, practice practice practice, more self-awareness...and before you know it, she won't be able to bother you a bit. Or at least not as much. And just be happy it's 4/20 for all the good reasons.

Flagging this post for the tags.

Just tell her it's not happening. Or..set her up with Jeff. She can't be as scary as the witch.

Try replacing "mean" with "boring." Respond the same way every time: Politely say, "Thanks for calling; still not interested." As long as she wants to push your buttons and you let her, you'll keep going 'round.

P.S. I would have tried harder to come up with a good answer, but frankly, your tags just don't do it for me ...

Miss Ojib if I do I'll post

Viciousbaglady,,,always good to see a new vicious person. Thanks!

Delia I can't block with ATT , and I've gone days without picking up. It does not deter her.

TandD...now that's something I COULD do, I think at least. Oh yeah, my son could do it. Hmmm

Mary T you stoner, I've tried, really I have:)

Natalie thanks for making me crack a small smile .

High Lonesome...yes, I've tried low key. bored. it actually does work to an extent so thanks for the reminder.

My tags suck don't they.

im sure you can just block her.. i mean ifyou can do it on a house phone why cant you do it on a cell phone

dear god, dont make me that obsessive. I think ive been pretty good lately..

Barbra Anne I CAN NOT BLOCK. Ain't possible with ATT at least.
but good for you for being good.

Trig, maybe that's it. I can tend to just go on and on and on and on. Sorry bout that. But still, I'm not giving up--this is a problem that has a solution or two. Sometimes the trick is in finding it, that's all. But it's there. But see now I'm going on and on...maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow might be better.

I would say you have to NEVER pick up when she calls again. More than days....but I realize I would want to strangle her. Don't know if the following will help:
http://communications-media.lawyers.com/telecommunications-law/Harassment-Using-the-Phone.html
Good luck, Triggy!

I don't know what cell company you use, but I've heard that some will let you block specific numbers in the case of harrassment. But then she will figure that out and just block her number or call from a friend's phone.

Does it help to say that there is nothing you can do? I know it sucks, but the only effective way of dealing is NEVER answer her calls, never ever ever because you can ignore fifty calls, but it's that one time that you pick up that renews her energy.

I feel for you, wish there was something I could do. Hopefully if you weather this storm she will move on to another obsession. But still, can you blame the girl? I mean, this is Trig Palin we're talking about here...;)

I aim to please.

Okay, just wanted to say sorry, I didn't see the other post from barbra anne or your comment, so I guess you can't block.

When she calls you answer with a loud whistle or a basketball air horn. Do that about 5-10 times and she might just give up. If not tell her you want to get back together and you think you should go on trip overseas somwhere. Board the flight and before it takes off get off (tell her you need to gotot the bathroom or something) and slip away.

Just answer the phone and say, "Hi! No one is able to come to the phone right, please leave a message after the beep. BEEP."

It might not deter her, but hey, she can ramble on and on like she's leaving a message.

:) Basically what I'm telling you my friend is, you're fucked!!! :)

Since you can't change her....try changing yourself...either your behavior or your attitude toward her. You're giving her too much power.

Mary you can go on and on and on on my blog and please never worry, and there is a solution. I hope. My life is good all except for this one thing.

Delia I've called ATT but I'll check your link...THANKS

PF...good point. Can you blame her? LOL

My crazy stalker finally divorced her husband and moved back to Kansas. I am afraid I got lucky and don't really have any advice for you.

Hi, sweet ((Trigger)).
If she's the baby-mama then you can't exactly cut her out of your life now, can you? Do you have visitation/joint custody? How old is the child? Need more data, darlin. Obviously you need boundaries and ground rules with this woman. Your reacting with anger is at least an emotion to her-- you are feeding the beast. Anger and hostility wouldn't work with me but for some people pain= love.
Need more details, doll.

You have my deepest sympathies....crazy ex's are a total pain in the ass.... but folks are right. Pray that she gets a distraction (new love interest) and in the mean time...ignore. Worked for my son with ex-daughter in law. Hang in there....this too shall pass!

Trig, you said: "My life is good all except for this one thing." One thing? Just one little insy weensy teensy thing? This is what my mother would have told me is "my cross to bear". I hated it when she said that. I still think when you stop caring, when you truly detach emotionally from her, her persistent phone calls will become mere vibrations in the air. I've lived this in my own way. It's possible. Now I'm excited for your soon to be liberation.

DJohn...sheer genius

Tink I know!

PatriciaK, what change should I make?

onervosa...thanks anyway

Tell her "No, I'm not interested in getting back together". And then be strong and smart enough NOT to change your mind.

dharma dahling he's soon to be 16. He lives here with me day in and day out. she pay's nothing. she just saw him sunday for the first time in months...and yes, I know I am feeding the beast by answering and being angry. thank you.

Fabb ..I will try.to.ignore

gosh Mary I have been detached for so long, truly I have. she lived some place where she couldn't call from forever til recently and it was bliss.

cartouche PLEASE don't even suggest that I MIGHT want to get back together with her!

Block her number on your cellphone. You can also block it on your home phone and most emails allow you to block senders. It won't solve your problem but it may buy you some peace. How old is your child? If he or she is old enough to understand what is going on - arrange a code call signal if the child uses the same phones as the mother. Ring twice, hang up, ring again immediately. Good luck.

trishelen thanks but all the answers to your questions are in above comments

Can you assign her a distinctive cell phone ring, then ignore her calls and make her leave eviden...uh...messages? Then, you can control when you get involved.

And a restraining order?

I use those distinctive rings like crazy.

(My rant today has NOTHING to do with any bi-polar people, by the way! It's about other people who were attacked by bullies.)

Uh...my father-in-law bought a referee whistle, and when he was called in the middle of the night for a plumber of the same name, he blew the whistle into the phone. That stopped the calls. (He lived in Shawnee Mission at the time.)

Or, what about a court order? Are there stalking laws in Kansas? This seems like it would qualify. She must be a masochist stalker.

Zuma I just made a distinctive ringtone...T and D said above to set it to silent and I loved that idea but even Jr. says it won't work with my phone and I promise to get to your post...it's been a beeeezy day

Yikes - no help here...anyone I've broken up with hates me enough to NEVER want to speak to me again. You're obviously much too nice ;)

Carol I like the whistle idea..thank you:)

bluesurly that made me laugh...don't make me laugh dammit!

MaryT, once again, is right on the money. You could marry your new gf.

If your finances permit you should get a phone that you call the "OMG THE BI*CH is calling phone." Please set up voice mail on that phone. I'm just thinking that if you don't have to talk to her in person you can think of a response that is civil yet distant... I mean you can't ignore the mother of your child but you can give yourself the distance to choose a reasoned response.

ex no. 2 called me 15 years later and said that the biggest mistake of her life was leaving me. she didn't know it but it really wasn't her idea.

ex no. 3 kept calling until i finally told her in no uncertain terms, don't call me, don't write me, don't come around, don't send me my mail. i don't want to hear from you or see you ever again. can i make myself any more clear than that?

she sent me my mail along with a nasty letter but then never saw her again. of course, the kid thing makes it tough to do that.

i guess all i can do is empathize dude. guys like us, we're irresistible to women. what can we do?

Trig,
How about getting a second (cheap, prepaid?) phone and tell her you have a new phone number. Then leave the new phone in a drawer on "silent" and check its messages once a day (in case of emergency).

Hmmmm, you're kinda stuck because of your son. My son is also 16 and until he turns 18, I'm stuck picking up the phone to talk to his dad. We have joint custody, etc. And his father is 58 and just married at 23 yr. old Filopino national he met over the internet. Sigh. So my ex is crazy too. [which is why they are our ex's] Boudaries until your son is 18 and then buh-bye. Rated.

my solution; set your phone on vibrate so it's not bugging everybody around you. everytime it buzzes glance at the screen; if it's her ignore it, if it's friends or business answer it. i used to get LOTS of calls from people i didn't wanna talk to, but after a year or so (less for some of 'em) of me not answering they stopped coming in.

that or do what vicousbaglady said.

You could leave the phone on silent all the time. Don't pick up for anyone. Just listen to the voicemail and call back the people you want to talk to. Don't reply to her email to you. Read it if you must, in case it is important and about your child. If not, delete it.

OMG my mom was a call and call and call and call... person. She's Borderline and there is NOTHING you can do. Sorry. I really really understand how frustrating and maddening this is. If you answer, it is hell. If you do not answer, it is hell. Don't answer at least you can enjoy your time she's not in your face in person.

take care!

You need a female friend who can play crazy current girlfriend. Next time your ex calls, have said female friend answer the phone, pretending to be your current girlfriend/fiance/life partner and hysterically demand to know why she is calling you. This should involve as much screaming, shouting and general shenanigans as possible.

Even better, have one of your male friends do it and have him pretend to be your new life partner. That should remove any illusions that you and your ex will back together.

I'm sending you a link. Click it and it deals with 'cellular phone abuse.'

http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs2a-cellcalls.htm

One of the first thing you need to do is file a police report. The link will give you information on how to deal with that kind of abuse.

Since AT&T hasn't done anything, the police might be your best bet. Again, the link should give you all the information you need so that you can make a decision on what you want to do next.

I hope this helps.

Please keep us informed. And I'll continue to look for other ways that might help you and will post them here on this particular entry.

1)TrigX is almost 16 and probably has a phone of his own. Right? Him being 16 you don’t have to talk to the mother TrigX can talk to her himself and if any plans that have to be made to meet up his is mom then he can tell her “I will talk to dad and then I will call you back”. But otherwise he is old enough to talk to her without having to get you involved.

2) Set your phone for a ring for her number that will be quieter and less annoy then the one you said you already have. Wasn’t it “Names Rick James Bitch” something like that. Okay that is an annoy ring to you when it goes off 100 million times a day when she calls persistently. Set it to a much soft much quieter ring. Must phones have it to where you can set each caller in your phone to a different ringer? If X can’t figure out how to do it take it to the ATT phone store and they will and should be able to change the ringer for that number.

3) Document everything, save all messages, emails, when if she shows up, etc. But document everything.
Buy a small tape recorder and you can tape all the messages made by her. All messages recorded off your cell phone will have time and date on it. That is good for record.
It isn’t hard to tape record the messages off your cell phone. Once you get a record email me and I will be more then happy to tell you how to do it. I have dealt with all this before.

4) Get a court order of protection against her harassing you. You can get it on harassing alone and yes Kansas like must states do have it.

5) Buy a cheap phone or use an old one you have laying around that you don’t use anymore. Use it for the number you have now. Then get a new phone number for the one you do use. Contact all you friends, family, work contacts (repeat customers) and give them that new number.
Keep the other phone on silent and check it only once in a while for work contacts and then call them all back giving them your new phone number. And also to record any messages from her.

6) You can’t change her, because trust me you can’t change persistent harassing people. They feed on the attention and the emotional upset and chaos that they cause people.
But you can change how her harassing you effects you. Don’t let her upset you try as much as possible to stay clam. Because when you get upset and angry you are letting her win. My favorite saying is: “Don’t let them rent space in your head.” Meanings don’t let them have control over you, your life and your emotions. This will take lots of practice and lots of patience. But after a well she will not have any effects on you at all. It will be like she doesn’t exist.

7) Whatever you do DON’T answer her calls. Every time you answer her calls you feed into the energy that keeps her going. And then it will start all over again and she will keep it up. It doesn’t matter to them if you answer nicely or with anger all they feed on is that you answered and that is what they want. They feed on the attention and the control they have on you.

Like I said I have been through all this with a few ex boyfriend. Also a good book to read is “The Gift of Fear” by Garvin De Becker. It has a large section on dealing with people like this. You can either get it at any bookstores or check your library they might have it. You might be able to look on line for it. But you want the section that deals with persistent people.

I hope this helps some. I will keep thinking to see if I remember anything else I had to do to take care of my problem. Sorry this is kind of a long comment but there was so much information to give you. I do hope it helps. If you have any questions on how to do any of it just PM and I will tell you how. I do hope it helps.
And I wish you lots of luck because I know it is a nightmare to deal with someone like this.

Trig, I have no solution for you my friend. All I have is a lot of empathy. Other than fixing her up with some other guy, or finding a woman for yourself, as long as you or she is single, there's nothing to deter her from hassling you.

Trig - Pay attention to Dr. Mary. Especially about the
Buddhist thing. Also heed patricia k - you can only change yourself and you indeed are giving her too
much power.

fireeyes24 and few other OSers have mentioned making her number a distinctive ring. That might help because at least you know it's your ex calling and not some other important phone call.

Fireeyes24 has a lot of good practical advice that you might want to try. I hope that helps as well. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!

There IS an answer in this story, so please bear with me:)

I was with my ex for 4 years and we had a vicious cycle of being madly in love, him disappearing for days, me getting emotional, and then having screaming arguments. The cycle became predictable and repeated every few months. I hated myself and blamed myself for our explosive arguments... so much so that I analyzed my personality to change my behavior and even quit drinking caffeine. It worked. No more arguments! And......... he broke up with me 3 weeks later.

What I realized was that he was goading me into arguing with him by disappearing for days at a time, and reliving a cycle of abuse that he experienced in his childhood. It was the only way he understood love. When I inadvertently broke the cycle, I wasn't giving him what he needed and I was no longer interesting to him.

So break the cycle. Become a different person in how you relate to your ex. Be calm and polite- or whatever the opposite is of what she's trying to provoke you into.

Hope this helps.

Now, you are tip-toeing through the black tulips too, huh? My ex is a borderline alcoholic cocaine freak. I have a distant detanté relationship with her. Everything is fine until she feels the need to call usually late at night and leave half-hour messages on my business machine which is very frustrating. I have to be available via phone 24/7 as every so often my guys go into crisis. I finally gave up my land phone and went totally cell only. I had to call all my contacts and it worked for almost a year until my son let my number slip into her hands and then it started all over. But it has stopped.

Advice--totally and completely disengage. Being neutral is the only way to win this. If she can get you mad or angry or irritated then she takes that as success. Sounds weird but that is true, trust me. No emotion or no reaction is the ultimate goal. I did this many times before the game wasn't any fun for her anymore. Ring, ring...

Me: Hello.

Her: We need to talk.

Me: Hey, I have to keep this phone open. I am expecting a call. Click.

NO DEBATE, NO MAKING POINTS, NOTHING....

repeat over and over again.

If the call is about the children or kid, then stick to that. If she wanders off the subject of making arrangements for the kid, just say
Have to go and then go.....I used to work with fathers years ago and this was the only way to stop the nonsense. Being mean, is hope to her which seems so illogical but she is nuts isn't she? so distorted thinking is normal for her. Give her no positive or negative, period end of story. Good luck, easier said than done. But it can and has been done.

If you have a child together you have to talk to her. My ex and I don't really enjoy talking together so we do so once a week at an appointed time and the conversation is about caring for the children only. Those are the rules. We are both more or less sane most of the time but we have had our moments ;0). So you might try telling her you will talk to her at say 10 a.m. on Wednesdays for thirty minutes only about the child.

Yeah some people read the tags.

Trig, I think you got some good advice. The main thing is for you to never ever engage her in any kind of conversation. Mary is right. I know. That is the only way I was ever able to break from my ex and finally establish a relationship where we could only and ever talk only about our daughter.

I'll tell you how I got rid of my ex years ago. We have two children together and I was remarried. Even though the divorce agreement said he should be paying me child support I had never insisted since it seemed to be just one other reason to have to contact him.
On one of his visits to the kids I told him I needed money. Either he could at least send enough for their allowances each week or I didn't want to see his face again. Guess which one he chose!

set up an appointment for her with a psychiatrist. tell her when she's had a half dozen sessions, to call back. probably will never hear from her . . .

Wow good morning!

I have to run so don't have time to react individually but i think I get the picture...

Thank you all so much. This is way more good info than I could have hoped for. Luv ya all.

Yep, what they said. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

i was thinking, 1st what viciousbaglady said (living near harlem has its privileges. hell, i'm a stone's throw from newark, prob. find same deal). ahem. but 2nd, my thought was more in line with deliablack's -- call phone company and block her. and tell her you're going to get a restraining order (even if you have no intention). if she calls and calls and calls ... there are phone records that would indicate harassment, which could get you a restraining order, or at least a tro. also, in the mean time, give her # a special ring tone so you know not to pick-up. annoying, yes, that you have to hear it (maybe hers can be a vibrate--only tone). sorry you're going thru this. maybe she's mentally ill. maybe desperate. maybe both. but it's not your problem to diagnose. sorry you have to deal with this.... (hey, tell her you got remarried! there's no hope for her in your life! tell her you and your gf just went to vegas and did it Elvis style ... ok that came out wrong. you know what i mean)

Along the lines of what T&D wrote: our cordless phone at the house lets us choose from among seven ring tones for each entry in the address book. Sister is an etude. All friends are Vivaldi. Band is Hall of the Mountain King. Spam calls give a shrill tone like a fire alarm. What a drag that you would have to miss business calls to send everything to voice mail first. Good luck.

Answer and hang up immediately. Do not speak.

Wow, I'm so sorry, Trig. I favor the restraining order idea. It doesn't work with all stalkers, but it works with the ones who have some control over their behavior and perceive that they have something to lose. The beauty of a restraining order is that the cops will enforce it for you. The important thing dealing with a borderline is to show a blank face to them. A friend of mine who's a lay minister told me that, it's how she can help some people without burning out. Borderlines crave attention and they see now reaction from you and it's more trouble than it's worth with you, they will move on. There is always someone new to manipulate.

Did you get the advice to block her call? I'm sure you did. I'm running out the door, but that's my advice.

And you can't control her.

And you don't want to let her control you.

And where's this Mike's place?

Try something different. Pick up the phone on her first ring and keep it short and sweet. I am puzzled why you would want to block permanently a call from the mother of your child. Do you have custody?

Just got done with a little hissy fit myself. Got hit with a comment that really pissed me off, didn't know how to respond in a calm manner and simply said that the conversation had to end, that what had been said really hurt like hell, and that I had to get out of there for a while.

The buddhist thing is a big help. Honest. I know this sounds odd if you've read any of my shit, but it is what is helping me at the moment. Try it, and good luck!

Whatever else you do, do NOT, repeat, do NOT fuck her.

I don't love you? I have a scorching case of Herpes now? Genital warts? I have a girl friend and we're really serious (and she'll scratch your eyes out if she find out you've been calling me for love)? Or how about.... It's not you, it's me...
Good luck