but stay off of my lawn


Tr ig's Links

No links in this category.
SEPTEMBER 21, 2009 7:55PM

I killed my chances at EP for the next 3 months, maybe 6

Rate: 64 Flag

 Amy Tuteur (she's NOT a doctor, ok) posted this morning.

I would have never known that; except there it was blaring at me on the front cover when I logged in this morning.It's not an awful post maybe, but anyone that can do a google search and properly spell MASTURBATION could have done as well (at least).

Myself and other commenters took issue with the good "doctor" getting a prominent spot on the cover for the (let's face it) not very good posting.

Many commented myself included. The overwhelming majority apparently feel that "Dr." Amy is a sensationalist, and that her posts lack depth and substance, not to mention the way she summarily dismisses her commenters, often even those that seem to agree with her.

For those that don't remember "Dr." Amy used to be on the cover just about every day. She then left for greener blogging pastures after her own son commented on HIS MOMS OWN BLOG that she hadn't held a doctors license since the early 90's. Pretty much killed her creds which were already pretty darned suspect.

For the record (IMHO) Amy has every right to blog here. Of course she does. I mean I could blog here as Dr. Satan if I chose to do so. And needless to say the editors don't need to answer to me or anyone about what is put on the cover daily. BUT, me with my loud mouth had to post the below comment after Kerry chimed in late in the day with this little show of support for Amy Tuteur his chosen child.



Welcome back, Amy. A very interesting post.
Then I sealed my fate as OS black sheep by saying.......
@Kerry, I suppose "interesting" would pretty much sum it up here.
I'm in awe big K (and that's a term of endearment... seriously) and just wonder if you could explain once and for all to US the contributors what constitutes a post worthy of the OS cover.



People are leaving right and left around here. Karin Rego, gone. Designanator gone. Emma Peel has one foot out the door and the other hanging by the little toe. It's depressing Kerry to people that really really try to write important or funny or otherwise worthwhile things (and believe me I DO NOT count myself amongst those... mine is more like an online diary, and I DO appreciate having a place to post it, and some readers to read and comment) to see the obvious favoritism here on YOUR opensalon. I know it's your ball and you can take it home and not let anyone play any more anytime you want. We just want to understand.

Amy (sorry, I do not recognize the "M.D." part) I apologize for my previous comment, but please understand the frustration of the people who spend hours and hours here daily... people that take this place seriously (read above in these comments. I do not believe I am the only one that feels this way).
Apparently while I was sealing my fate by typing the above comment Amy was composing this heartfelt thanks to the big K...
Thanks, Kerry!
Of course we all already knew that Tinks name was MUDD with Ed. I. Tor but THIS comment following Amy's will seal his fate as Trig's basement roommate. We'll be like the Osama bin Laden and Manuel Noriega of OS from here out. And let me tell you, no one, I mean NO ONE can write on the subject of masturbation better than Tink. Pfffffft~!!
Dear Trig, I can respond to that question, anything having the name Tinkerertink69 in it or written by, is an automatic 'No EP'. Nothing against Dr. Amy, but there have been quite a few articles on here about masturbation and such that warranted an EP and a cover but never recieved such, there's been quite a few articles overlooked by the panel of Ed on other subjects.

Anyways, welcome back Amy, every so often I use to catch an article or two you wrote and I actually loved seeing some of your humor coming out on one of your new articles.


Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
bump bump grind... masturbate me
Did you want some lube with that? :)
I too may have adversely affected my own chances of ever getting another EP. Here's the comment I left on Amy's post a couple minutes ago:

"I'm masturbating right now, but, um, thanks for this, um, congrats on the EP for this insightful and....ooops.
September 21, 2009 07:58 PM"
It's like arguing with Helen Keller Tman, without Annie Sullivan as an interloper. These guys are like Bush/Cheney, sorry, Cheney/Bush.
The harder your try to make sense, the more stubborn there asses get. "Welcome back Amy, you condescending bitch."
There's mine, it's out of the way.
I'll give this a pink bird EP!
Triggett, you WILL get another EP. I can feel it. I also feel that an EP is in Tink's future.
"I mean I could blog here as Dr. Satan if I chose to do so."

Nope, sorry, that one's already taken.
I sealed my fate on getting a cover and EP probably ever again. But I said what I thought. I am glad you done this post.. It is a bunch of bullshit... Here is my comment I just left over at her post too.

Hey maybe I will go search the internet on women masturbating and do a Copy and Paste article too. Then maybe Kerry will give me an EP and cover also..
You had EP and Cover the minute you posted this article, I seen it come up. You had only one or two commenters. Which I think you and a couple others on here getting automatic EP and Covers is a cock of shit. When there are so many other great writers on here that take their time to research, put depth and emotions into their pieces and they get over looked by the editors. You come back on here and you get it automatically.
What are you blowing Kerry or one of the other editors. Damn shame because I bet I could blow them better then you.. lmao..
September 21, 2009 08:18 PM
Man, I was having a bad day this morning and didn't hold my tongue (fingers?) when I saw Doc Teuter on the front page. I was a bit harsher than I'd usually be and I'm not really proud of that, but goddamn if I wasn't honest. Seriously, WTF? Why are we rolling out the red carpet for the prodigal quack?
I have heard that Dr. Amy and Kerry are more than just good friends. To not tarnish my good name and honour, I'll leave it at that.
WTF is this about? Is there a pamphlet?
Give her a break. She just wants you to cum on her blog.

Also, when my viral post got deleted it had a headline mocking Dr. Amy. I'd had a few before:

Dr. Amy: "I Bought My Five Year Old A Stripper Pole"
Dr. Amy: "Does getting flashed count as sex education?"
Dr. Amy: Being abused is "a gift. Makes you stronger!"

Then I went for the jugalar and got nuked :

Dr Amy: Dad lets friends rape daughter to "punish that slut"

Now, had that been a true story - and who's to say it isn't nowadays - the eds would have LOVED it. But as it was, they suddenly found morals for the cover.

The eds have been rating and raving over Dr Amy's posts since she came back. I'm starting to think it was by invitation. Regardless, her return is a sign of desperation. Interesting isn't it how often we kill something in the name of saving it.
Dr. Amy is the Queen of the Trolls. We are all but amateurs in her presence. She's like troll royalty.
Hey Triggy,

Don't fret hon, I say we just keep doing what we do, enjoying ourselves and enjoying friends, this is what OS is all about!

Lets all get nakie and DANCE! Woooo!

Trig, It does seem a real mystery; especially after reading micalpeace's post today, just beautiful writing. Fireeyes, you are too funny. No worries Trig, you have a big following on your own, EP, cover or not. I love when you stir the pot!
I hear tell tomorrow she'll be posting on how to properly fung shui fungus toenails. I'm high on the banned list; my sentence will be commuted if I slam n ' scram you know who...
Way to go Trig, Tink and Nana! We don't need no stinkin' EP's! We all know we're great. I mean, we tell each other all the time. Maybe I'll start commenting with a big SP! It will become a badge of honor. Who needs an EP when you can get an SP? No, that does not stand for Shitty Post!

Big SP
They want controversy? I'll give em friggin' controversy...

Dr. Cap'n Parrotdead
Well, at some point, did we all not know she was going to come back? I guess where she came from she didn't get as much love as she got it from here.

So we all will expect to see her with EPs and Covers from now on. The editors love her!

Unfortunately, there are so many other deserving writers who may never get the chance now. There are so many writers who simply amaze me with their work, and I never see them on a Cover much less receive an EP.

But she has her favorites and they will shower her with praise, love, and adoration, placing flowers in her hair, and lovingly adorn her with platitudes.

They will bend at the knee, at the waist, and kiss her hand and look up with their glassy eyes and marvel at the individual before them.

Still, as you say, she has every right to be here.

But at what cost to the rest of the us and to the reputation of OS??

Personally, she's no more relevant to me than an 8 track tape.

It and she has no place in my world...
I don't mean this in a snarky way at all - b/c I really do want to understand, why do you blame Dr. Amy for the decisions of the editors?

And what's with this 'not recognizing her as an MD'?????? Are you saying you have proof that she didn't graduate from medical school?

You can always choose not to read her if you don't like her or her writing - what's the point of blasting her? Maybe it just makes you feel better...but have you thought how other people on OS might see the site, seeing these sorts of negative comments being spewed on a post that said nothing to, for or about you? By continually visiting her blog and posting rude remarks, you keep her alive in the feed and thus attract more eyes to her post, so it seems counterproductive to do that.
Strike a nerve?

Not at all. Your nerves are the ones that seem in a sate of uproar, and it is something I simply don't understand. AMY doesn't decide who gets the EP and cover. Lambasting her is like throwing tomatoes at the Prom Queen for getting all the votes. Why not save your anger for Kerry and Joan?
When I saw her post the other day I hoped that the lack of comments and ratings would encourage her to stay away, WRONG.

This morning when I saw MASTURFUCKINGBATION post on the cover I threw up in my mouth and had to brush my teeth ALL OVER again!

In the immortal words of Nancy Kerrigan, WHY? WHY? WHY?????
Sandra, this post is pointed DIRECTLY at the editors.

If it wasn't put on the cover I never would have noticed it in the first place. Being on the cover is the one and only issue I have with her post. My criticism of her content should be taken in that context.
You are constantly on the cover and deservedly so usually, but many many others are routinely overlooked in favor of 3rd class masturbation posts by the good doctor.

And it was HER SON that said she wasn't licensed as a doctor. Apparently she used to be 17 years ago.
Oh, well, I guess I misread your comments on Amy's post. They seemed to be directed at her.

Licensing has nothing to do with MD which signifies graduating 4 years of medical school. I currently have 3 doctors of medicine on staff at my company - none of them are licensed, all of them are doctors. So I don't think she's trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes on that one, but hey, I've been wrong before.
How can you be so mean to Dr. Amy, HOW? Didn't you see on her post, first Jocelyn Testes Hard-on said she's the greatest blogger OS has ever known and now Kresskin commented in agreement. If they said it, it MUST be true.
Now I'm curious to read Amy's post. She's been on my "not so good list" for while....ever since I realized she NEVER leaves comments on my posts.
The editors on OS aren't doing their jobs. I have seen many, many excellent posts from wonderful writers here that don't get the recognition they deserve. Micalpeace is one that definitely comes to mind, as you say. Every time I read something from him, I feel I come away a better person. Having just Kerry and Thomas as editors and moderators on this site was fine when there were 2 or 300 members, but they've completely dropped the ball as we've grown.

I rarely read posts that are on the cover. I have writers that I enjoy reading, people who have become friends and I will continue to read, rate and comment on their posts.

Just on a side note, I'm so very sorry that Karin felt she had to leave. What a huge loss for this community that was.
Patricia, the reason Amy hasn't commented on your posts is that she left almost 6 months ago. I wouldn't take it personally.
I put out the bat signal. Will help arrive? Will OS survive? Find out in the next exciting episode!
She hasn't practiced medicine in a VERY long time. She is still entitled to the MD thing, she just isn't allowed to actually treat anyone. Something about a brain tumor...

She does not offer that information freely to her readers, most of whom I am sure assume that she is a practicing, licensed, medical doctor. I am quite sure that her return to OS has everything to do with the ego boosting she gets from being an editor's pet. I visited her blog a few times over the past few months and it is obvious that she gets very little in the way of comments and feedback and no ego massaging from anyone. She's an attention whore and the editors are here are her pimps. Anyone who reads her crap is a john.
Damn, I feel special, a rebel. I've never been thought of as that. I love you Trig, not secretly like I love Dr. Amy, but out in the open like I love Ed.

I don't harbor any anger for Dr. A for coming back, writing and/or getting an EP, that would be wrong. But...

There are many out here in the Wasteland that have never gotten an EP, one has already been mentioned by Natalie, micalpeace.

I know I will never be the Golden Boy of anything, I write shit, I get readers which is what I love the most. If I had to choose between getting an EP and cover and losing my current readers or getting a million dollars a day till the end of my life to give up on Open for better stuff like free porn, well, I know you know what I would choose, that being the million dollars. It's a giving.

Anyways, Delia, what? Have you seen the EP Manifesto for Future Cool Folks and it shows my name? That'd be awesome. What do you mean, I'm on the Eliminate People(EP) list? Even better!!!!!

And Trig, I'd spend anytime with you and the entire krew in the basement. That's where they keep the good booze.


And Luis, the 8 track tape is still the best sound system EVA!! ;)
I would also like to say, YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL, GIVE YOURSELF A HUG!!!!!

~group hug~
What is this, the return of the living dead!? I KNEW there was something good about not reading the cover anymore! I just can´t believe Dr Amy is back, that avatar-face of hers will give me nightmares tonight!
Trig, you, Jeff, and Tink are my heroes. Well done!
Tink's right. The editors love her and I guess that's how it's going to be. It's not fair, but they choose to side with her.

As I said before, and that Natalie also said, there are writers who deserve an EP and Cover as well who won't get that chance.

Group hug, Tink?? The last time we had a group hug you stole my wallet.
Senator Tink (the only way I'll refer to him) is a butt pincher during group hugs! (But then, that's how he got elected)
Marcela, ahhh, I think you're cool too!!!!

Luis, damn it, I gave it back, no, the money was gone, but damn, you got the wallet back!! Sheesh!!

I do whatever it takes to get the votes!!!


Danget, glad to see we're having fun here.

May I re-iterate puhlease that the only thing that inspired this post is her being on the cover for a mediocre (at best... I thought it was awful) posting. If it wasn't for the incestuous relationship between Amy and the editorial staff she would go mostly unnoticed. Her ratings are awful. Her "readership", over half at least (and that's conservative) despise her openly and say as much in their commentaries.

The Amy "phenomenon" is the product of the PTB at OS.

Is this "sour grapes" on my part or yours? I don't think so. Do you?
I already see that you agree. It's so blatantly obvious; and Kerry or this mysterious Thomas won't come out and explain why it's so. Why does Micalpeace to name one go completely unrecognized while hack work is rewarded?
Here's my take on this, all kidding aside:

Dr. Amy Tuteur is a cheap, unprinicipalled hack who brings NOTHING of value to Open Salon. As far as the editors, the fact that they'd EP and put on the cover such egregious, meaningless garbage as her latest post about jacking off tells us all we need to know about what's important to them, as if that wasn't already apparent. What cracks me up is people who feel the need to defend her; defending Amy is approximately the same thing as defending gonorrhea; it (and she) doesn't need the help and could give a fuck less anyway.
Trig you and Jeff do realize the clique has branded us all as "bullies" now.
We're doubly screwed.
As if Dr. Amy didn't have enough power, we're now branded as childish bullies. No reason to go on now...
It seems obvious to me, although I certainly don't know this for a fact, that some bloggers are promised EPs/covers just for posting here regularly. I can think of several offhand and so can everyone else. I know that isn't true for everyone who gets a lot of EPs and covers, but I suspect it is definitely true for some. It would be one thing if these people were all supremely talented and batted one out of the park every single time, but that isn't the case.

I know that the rampant unfairness here has dampened my enthusiam for writing anything of substance at OS, or writing anything at all lately, and I can see its slow but steady effect on others as well. Call it whining/sour grapes/whatever you like, but as someone who's worked professionally as a writer for 25 years, I expected better treatment from a self-described "writers, artists, photographers'" site. But I've been wrong before and I am apparently wrong again.

Imagine what it must be like to sit down and write and know that no matter what, you will land a prime spot on the cover. I even saw one of the chosen few's posts get an EP/cover days after she posted it since the editors missed it somehow and scurried to make sure they didn't offend the golden girl. I happy to like that writer very much, but it's still a rigged process on a site that pretends to be a meritocracy.

Even more discouraging is the fact that I have yet to hear ONE of those with constant EPs and covers ever acknowledge how many they receive, or that they receive them at all. Not one has ever remarked on how the fact that theirs are automatic reflects poorly on OS, or that it prevents other writers from being acknowledged.

I know from long experience that the world of journalism is far from a democracy and that most writers have big egos and are competitive, but I allowed myself to believe that OS might be different. Hah! Dr. Amy is just one egregious example of how it is the same shit, just a different pile.
AND Sandra, my comment "struck a nerve?" was not directed at you. You were apparently posting your first comment here while I typed that. Yes, I did call Amy a hack, and yes I believe she has, in the past misrepresented herself as a practicing licensed MD. She gave medical advice for Christs sake. AND yes, that might be personal but I wouldn't expect less from my readers if I spoke from my ass. She is a hateful condescending woman that posts crap that she copies and pastes and puts a controversial spin on. You should know what I say is, if not true, at least the opinion of most eveyone on OS.

Sandra, you know that I love you. I've tried not loving you and I was quite unsuccessful. Do you defend her because you are also a sweetheart of the editors or are you just genuinely that saint like?
karin rego? emma peel? leaving? really? or flouncing???
dude, can you explain why you would miss them?
That's the terribly unfair part. Incredible writers like Micalpeace and so many others don't get the recognition they deserve, but someone like Dr. A does? Her first piece here after so many months gone and she gets an EP AND Cover??

I don't understand it. I think that's why many are unhappy. And it's not the silly reason of "why didn't I get an EP/Cover??" Rather, it's the unfairness of it all.

So people will say something and that's the right we have, just as the same right she has to come back and be the darling of the editors.
@vzn: Your harassment of Karin is one of the reasons she left. You must be very proud of yourself.
I mean, besides it being a possible death blow to the Supercilious Matriarchy...? the Holier Than Thou OS Homeowner Association? the Alpha Female Enforcer of Supreme Quality??
ummmm... trig... btw... if I ever do anything to piss you off... can you give me a running head start? :)
I just hit karins blog. its all there. if you're gonna leave, why dont you at least delete all your posts? now theres a performance!! or cybertantrum. re harassment, I think Ive been harassed by the Supercilious Matriarchy quite enough, thank you very much.
vzn, in the case of Karin Rego it was some type of constant harassment by YOU, from what I was told.

And why do I care? Because I come here to read, and they write well. Emma pretty much quit posting because of many of the reasons outlined in this post.
Karin's last few post ( I recently discovered her) were absolutely delightful.

So vzn what is your role here on OS. Troll wanna be?
I especially liked karins histrionic post where she said she was being cyberstalked, and then deleted it a few hours later or whatever... I wonder why... could it be it was all in her fevered imagination? which I really must admit, is quite impressive....
@vzn: you followed her around on other people's blogs too. I saw it. Every time she commented, you would add your snark. If you think you are fooling anyone, you aren't. I hope that she comes back. I told her not to leave because of someone like you but don't flatter yourself that you are the only reason. That would probably be a badge of honour for you, wouldn't it?
hey, if a lynch mob is good enough for van jones, why not a cyberspatial one on Open Salon???
I witnessed him fucking with Karin too Emma.

VZN, you're a trip; you fuck with people on OS, behaving like a creepy little cyberstalker, then make jokes about it. You aren't in the least bit funny my friend.
vzn, it was because she changed her mind, thinking it would only egg you on - like you are doing now. You're not doing yourself any favors with this kind of behavior. Put up the false bravado act all you want, it only increases your misery.
vzn, you are a grade A asshole. It would have been much better for this community if you had left instead of a valuable contributor like Karin.
Trig, Nana, Greg- Don't worry about it I am right up there on the list of bullies too. So we can all keep each other company.. lol
Oh we can't forget that Tink is on that list also..
Man the five of us are going to have so much fun.. LMAO!!
Iamsurly you get EP's for the right reason.
Because you write well. Amy Tuteur doesn't in
most people's opinions.
vzn- I have seen the rude comments you have left on peoples posts. It is like you pick them out of a crowd and harass them. I see no reason why you have to be a rude ass to everyone, mostly females.
And KindaGreg, who says I'm a bully? Does this post seem bullyish to anyone?
I enjoyed karin's posts. when she told me someone was harassing and blogstalking her, I ask her for the identity of the fucktard. She had the class to refuse to identify you. You must be extremely proud, sick, mentally unbalanced or filled with idiot juice.
Trig go look on Dr Amy's post and read the comments. You will find where the being a bully comes in..
Well piss in my Sake . . . the only reason AT is back is because her other blogs are dead (yeah she has more than one) traffic wise. I do agree that her "auto" EP is BS.

Regarding the "MD", she can use that all she wants but it doesn't mean much without a liscense. That would be like my husband calling himself an EMT . . . he was one and was liscened before he switched careers, but his liscense has lasped. The training and everything else is still there, but he would get himself in legal hot water if he misrepresented himself. The same way Amy would if she is giving medical advice.

VZN: Petty much?

Bottom line I understand how you guys feel, I just don't want OS to lose its fun sense of community. :)
No, I don't feel there's any bulling around here. Instead, there's open discussion.
Thanks for shedding some light on the Dr. Amy controversy--I didn't read her post cuz I thought the title was dumb.

So, looks like you're voting vzn off the island?
No argument from me.
Well, well...I've accidentally stepped in on a food fight. One of the little problems is that bloggers go to 'Home' to see the EP's. I learned a while ago that it wasn't a productive way to see good writing, so I made my fairly long list of 'Friends' whom I read regularly.

The muse left me a month ago, but maybe it will return in the fall. All the best to everyone, and keep it civil.
Ralph, thanks for stopping by. Sorry it appears as a "food fight". The only uncivil words spoken here are towards vzn who, it appears may be a spineless harasser of some of our female contributors. There's one in every crowd and I guess someone needs to fill P.L.'s shoes now that he's moved on to who knows where.

The last thing I want here is non civil activity. I posted this as a protest towards the editors who seem to play favorites.

And Ralph the only time I look at the cover is when I log in. That's when I saw the great masturbation post by AMY, dead in the middle of the front cover.
fireeyes I looked at Amy's post. Lainey and maybe others were dogging Greg for stating his opinion. Greg wasn't bullying at all
I don't think, nor am I here at this post.

Now I DID tell Amy that her post was boring and had very little practical value on my first comment this morning. Or something like that I don't know. Once again as I've said earlier here in comments if I posted crap I would expect to be called on it. Heck, I HAVE posted crap. Difference being my crap doesn't end up on the cover of this cyber rag.
I don't think you or Greg were bullying. And I don't think I was either. Though I made sexual accusations about here sucking the Editors. But I was at least nice about it when I said it. I don't think any of us are bullying, we are having a discussion and expressing our opinions about the editors and what they do.
ok, ok, serious for a moment now as the pitchforks and torches are waving.
I think karins a cyberexhibitionist, as much as I am. she'll be back, and Im not the reason she left.
its true, she might have disliked the competition.
some that are jumping in the fray have no idea. I guess I see how that works.
trig - honest to God, I can't make my way all the way through anything she writes - I just get bored... so I can't weigh in on how worthy it is or not... but I would like to know if Dr. Satan is taking on new patients... 'cause I've got this rash...
The idea that you were "competition" for Karin shows just how much you don't get it. Your comments and questions are often inappropriate verging on prurient, especially when it comes to posts where people talk about family and relationships. Women are your special targets. As for other people not knowing the situation, you are wrong again. A LOT of people here are onto you.

Nobody is persecuting you. You set yourself up for that.
Fireeyes, maybe the "blowing the editors" comment wasn't bullying but it certainly wasn't anything to be proud of.
surly one- I was seriously thinking of changing my SN to Dr. Satan but some rat bastard beat me to it. As far as your evil rash, just puhlease keep your distance babeee! PM the good Dr. Satan is all I can suggest. Or maybe Dr. Amy.

Emma I believe you, Natalie, Nanatehay, spotted mind, lady miko, fireeyes and others regarding vzn.

vzn~cyberexhibitionist? Is that it huh. I can tell you one thing. I miss Karin already. Maybe you could find a website that specializes in such things and hang out there (?)
Just sayin...
IAmSurly, I'm ALWAYS taking on more patients, especially as it seems that OS needs an in-house doctor to balance out Amy and Rahul Parik and those other quacks.
Natalie- I didn't say anything about being proud of making the statement. I was just stating that none of us were bullying, not in my opinion anyway.
Fireeyes, you are free to say whatever you like in your comments, so I apologise.
O, you will get a thunderous applause qt the NYC grease palm deli if you eat ham, bacon, and rye with no crust. Just place a PETA anti-eat-pork bumper sticker on your rattle-trap, jalopy, SUV, two-door, Ford Pinto.
Wear a porkpie hat with a Kool cigarette dangling from your bright fire engine lips.
Wear big Peace Hoop earrings with a fishing earthworm dangling from Ya earrings.
Yummy Catfish.
Great delicacy.
Fry with lard.
O bacon fats.
A Lox Bagel.
Poppy seed.
Butter UPS!
boohoo Oops.
Trig et al.
Great blog, fine discussion...mostly... It has inspired me to write a bit about my feeling on the site in general. I think the Dr. Amy posts are just sensational titillation disguised as medical-related (or not), but designed to attract viewers, not produce fine writing. So, it is not on my reading list generally. The EP world is a mystery, although I do have my opinion on what makes it tick. Thanks for taking up the topic and leading the charge; I've enjoyed all the comments and will continue to check back.
Dr. Satan~ have you seen HarryHomeless' post? He is begging for the return of Dr. Arnie. Man I loved Dr. Arnie but I fear he may have left the country. Maybe you could fill those shoes???

Umbrellamylove a pox? Well she'd just cure herself if you poxed her. Now a fart might be pretty appropriate though.

Padraig Coleman thank you for visiting my humble little blog. "Backing out of the limelight"? In other words you too are sick
of the practices of the editorial staff... Kerry? Why?
Your guess is as good as mine.

Nat and eyes... jeez get a room. And FE that blowing the editors thing was NOT really appropriate to this blog btw. I'm trying to be civilized (for a little change up).
Trig- WHATEVER!! That is a joke that just about everyone has said about the ones who get EP and Covers automatically(Including you). I was being civil but just sarcastic too. OH GEE!! Lets everyone get self righteous. Because I am not the only one who used sexual content in their comments. "Masturbate Me", "I'm Masturbating right now" , "incestuous relationship between Amy and the editorial staff" and a few more probably.
You inspired me.

And Fireeyes, you didn't offend me...laughed my butt off!
Ralph- I am glad I didn't offend you and that I mad you laugh your butt off. I think Rita Shibr said about me being so funny.. Thanks..
Her posts aren't hurting anyone; they're just bland, factoid reports--pretty much what I'd expect from a paper by an articulate but unimaginative university freshman.

What's baffling is the covers. If it's sensationalism they're after, plenty of other writers here deal with sex, and with more originality.
The sad part of all this, and I am pretty new and don't know much about what you say, but I no longer read the cover or the side crap. I just look for who has written it and if I like them and what they say I read it. I may be missing out on some beautiful words and storys but most the time it was not something I would spend the time I should be working reading.
There are no cliques at OS.

Clicks speak louder than words.

Vote with your mouse.
Trig, Tink, welcome to the basement.

At least you got six months in the hole, I'm a permanent party here. I sleep on the top bunk.
tink is a BIG govment guy with a bigass lube budget. he don need no stinkin EPs! later for EPs! EPS don't give you healthcare!

Hey Trig,

I think you have to have had a CHANCE at getting an EP before you loose that chance. ;-)

Thanks to you for doing what you do. I appreciate it.
ok, due to overwhelming popular demand, I will turn over a new leaf. my first resolution is to take etiquette and sensitivity training from trig palin based on the first result that pops up on google.
@Emma Peel,Please know that I am in total, absolute, and complete agreement with you and will stand with you on this issue at any time....I too am annoyed at the notion that there are people who can write a three word description of a door knob and know in advance that the item will be given an EP and front page treatment....I, like you, believe that this is dishonest and unfair and should be exposed for what it is....
@Trig...I have no chance for an EP so I guess this comment on the Dr.Amy post isn't quite as courageous as yours:

I don't know you from a can of paint, but if you are one of the non-decision decisions that the OS editors won't have to make then I can assure you there are people here who will resent your reappearance.

Your post really is of no consequence to me and from some of the comments not much in the way of positive reception....

Kerry, on the other hand is an exception....His palpable excitement at your return is an affront and an insult to those of us who have labored long and hard to reach ever wider audiences with our attempts at written and pictoral expression......

If you are being paid to post here you and he should say so.

If you were sought out and invited back with any kind of inducement or enticement you should say so....

If you honestly believe that your work is superior, if this post is an indicator of that, despite what Kerry might have told you, it is not...

In fact in many ways it is sub-par......

If you are one of the beta editor's pets or a member of the beta clique you already know that you can post a three word description of a door knob and Kerry will award you an EP before you can finish proof reading the published item...

If you are one of those who will get one EP after another merely because of who you are not what you have to say or how well you say it, I, for one, will have little or no use for you.....and less in the way of regard and respect...

Because if you could truly write as well as all that, you should be writing where you would be properly and adequately compensated for your work. In these difficul economic times who couldn't use a little extra remuneration....

Don't be concerned about me and an EP. Kerry has made it absolutely clear, by his actions and inactions, that I will not be given such honors at OS...I post much of my work elsewhere where it is given the fair and objective consideration it deserves and the occassional highlighted "front page and recommened reading" treatment, so I treat Kerry's "editorial decisions" like the joke that they are.

Oh, and by the way, welcome back.....
or maybe I should be more intellectual and respectful of women and study carefully Einsteins theory of relativetitty
or maybe some drugs would help me. lets see.... maybe methaqualone??? it shouldnt be any problem driving with that stuff, right??? because I really wouldnt want to recklessly endanger anyone-- risking my own life or others....
lets see, new thinking, new directions.. more inspiration.. emma & karin will surely empathize with this one-- admiration of beautiful underage women
I also need to work on more positive relationships with women .. just like those stories in romance novels.
eh-hem.... I thought we had a pact? I have held up my end of it, but apparently you have not.

You said:
"Once again as I've said earlier here in comments if I posted crap I would expect to be called on it."

And since you invited me by mentioning my name, I'm calling you on your "crap." You are not the all high supreme ruler of all you survey. It is not your business what someone else writes about so long as they do not drag you into it by name or suggestion. You are free to make your comment on her piece, but then move on. Continual, negative and/or angry comments can be easily perceived as harassment......... :-|

Surely writing a Hotel California style post (stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast) about another person who has not called you out, challenged you nor insulted you in any way and slinging unwarranted snark here there and everywhere while your at it, is unattractive, to say the least. Your posts are moderately humorous at times, interesting at other times and more often than I, as a reader, would like, offensive in some way.

You are on a high horse and I think it's time you climbed down. Emma wouldn't be so quick to agree with you if she knew what you said about her in PM, would she?

You said:
"Heck, I HAVE posted crap. Difference being my crap doesn't end up on the cover of this cyber rag."

This sounds like jealousy and well, 2 things: Don't give her the satisfaction and jealousy is too often the cause of much displaced hatred and rage.

As for me, I never come in through the front door of OS. When I have gotten covers, I only found out by other readers congratulating me. I only roam there when I am in a funk and looking for new bloggers to read. I have not read Amy's post and I seriously doubt I will. She does not interest me and she is cold to her readers... so I move on with so much as a whisper in the wind as I pass.

Now if someone starts some shit with you - mentioning you by name or suggestion in their post, copying your stuff, harassing you etc, by all means - let 'er rip! They started it, after all, so they should be expecting retaliation.
There's lots of magazines that Stephen King will never make the cover of. Same thing at OS. When good posts don't make cover, it's no reflection of the writer -- just a reflection of what the editors want on the cover.

If we don't like the rules, we get to take our bat and ball and go home. Which lots are, apparently. *sigh*
It's never pleasant watching people lose their minds. But it's kind of like a car wreck -- you look on in horrified fascination.
Well, I'm late to the party (been happily distracted lately), but I agree with you, Trig. I also in no way consider myself a writer and am quite literally humbled by those here who are. It's intimidating! And yet, I don't see a lot of my Favorites on the cover and I KNOW I have good taste (you're a Fave, so you get my point). ;-)

I do feel badly for the amazing writers who are not acknowledged as they deserve to be. It must be terribly frustrating. It's like singing in the shower vs. singing in front of thousands of people - sure, both are great expressions of something I love to do, but to be acknowledged for that talent is very gratifying. (Now stop picturing me in the shower.) ;)

I hope no one else leaves.
They apparently need to 'up' the post count and so brought back Dr. Amy. I've been of the opinion for some time that some people are wooed here by promises of editor's choice and covers, perhaps even money, although I'm not sure Salon can afford that. Amy is one of these. My suggestion, my STRONG suggestion, is not to go to her page. AT all. Under any circumstances. SHUN HER.

Then, maybe she'll go away.

Or at least maybe they'll stop courting her with EPs and covers when she stops bringing them 'bumps.'
Dr Gamey's "bumps" though come from the fact they feature her on as a salacious link to here. But I for one will not go back again, even for mockery. It was a one time thing.
Perhaps M.D. means "Master deBater"...
Oh, and as usual Arthur James has it right. :)

And I hope Karin comes back here. I didn't know she'd left, but I liked her posts. You just have to ignore people like whats-his-name eventually unless they break the law by threatening violence. His foolishness is meaningless in the scheme of things, so I hope she'll shoot back this way.
Thanks to everyone
even you vzn for supplying links to my old posts.
do you suppose I would have put those up here on
the interbutt if I was ashamed or something? I put
them here for people to read. it's my life, my real life.

Apache Savage I apologize for adding you into that comment.
I'm going back this minute to remove that part.
The rest of the post stands though. It is what it is,
now a part of my blog history and if ya want vzn link
it all over the interuniverse.

Have a good day all.
lol. and all this is what all the old-time OSers are lamenting the loss of. I never realized how fucking brilliant this place used to be, nor have I given you enough credit trig, as a Founding

Thanks for the laugh.
Wow Steve.. digging through my history looking for things to disparage eh... believe me, there's plenty more. A reader of your calibre could probably get through the whole thing in a week of solid study. I'm sure you noticed the number of ratings . . you ever got above 50?
LOL indeed
lol....I consider a good thing to have no ratings, trig, nor does my income depend on

I write for me; I think, for me; I am here voluntarily; I don't give a fuck what you think.

Have a nice day.
and don't flatter yourself. This is the frtst post of yours, in your archives, that I looked at.
Wow.. just looked back through these comments. Many friends now departed.

Steve.. did you say frtst ? BELCH!
nice try, trig. Again, lol, as in Lots Of Laughs. Best you can do, eh?
Well, good for you, trig. good for you.
gee, trig... you appear to have a not so secret admirer snuffling at your ass. Next he'll be humping your leg!

I warned you about feeding strays and letting them follow you home, dude.

Oh, and I had completely forgotten about Dr. Amy! She was hilarious (as was Kerry's snuffling of her ass!)
Amy .. snuffle up and rate the damned post :"/

Steve Kenny, the only people I 'fuck with' around here, are the ones that come off as idiots due to what they type here, like you and your uncle rude for example. Or is he your dad?
well, good for you, trig. good for you. Uncle Herr Austin is a good guy, trig, and if you don't like, too fucking bad. And of what I have written here, I consider as good as any tripe you've put out.

Now, sic your dogs, asswipe.
From here after I'll call him Herr Austin Rude Kenny then . . . might be a good guy, but dude, he's a shit communicator. Like awful.

This post has quite a few more rates and comments today (thanks) than either of your last two masterpieces, doesn't it.

Don't be hatin' because I have a following. Not to beat my own meat, I mean drum, but those people know that I deliver interesting pieces.. therefore the views, comments, rates. Hell, even you have rated a bunch of them, haven't ya. Yes, young rude, I can write circles around your juvenile drunk and in debt self. Woof
i ain't hatin'.

i'm laughin'.

I've noticed your "I's" are so much bigger than mine, trig [and much more frequent]; still, "i" don't envy you, nor do "i" want to be you. as for "masterpieces? who says? you? I do not consider you to be anyone that "i" would trust enough to judge one of my pieces, nor even, be able to think, at all, without some Directive from somewhere else.

have a good night "trig".
3-6 months? If I were to be featured in EP as often as every 6 months, I would think I was being showered with attention.
Oh my gawd. I think I peed myself reading this.

So this is what I missed in those early years. Heartbroken that Dr. Amy left before I joined.

But now I see you have carefully crafted your reputation for many years

; )
BTW, Dr. Amy has gone on, "trig"; you should check out her very informative post "A Gaggle of Birth Lunatics", which can be found at her site "The Skeptical OB."
The Bruzzer? Well, I think it's been a year and a half, maybe more for me. As Tink says, "EP's? We don't need no stinking EP's!" Kerry used to have a soft spot for me. Emily the zombie gave me a couple, by accident I think. Jake, well he deleted my account and only restored it after a public uproar. I suspect he doesn't like me, and he seems to hold grudges better than my ex.
I think (yes I young rude) I've put up some good stuff in the Jake era. After a while we learn not to care. EP's don't pay a nickel. I have readers, many of which have become personal REAL LIFE friends. Priceless, that.

Antoinette.. yes, back in THE GOOD OLD DAYS of Dr. Amy, and cough... Dr. Satan! We hated.. HATED Dr. Amy. But funny, as 'in bed' as she was with Kerry, I miss him now (not Dr. Amy however.. bitch... check the link above.. read her post and the comments.. sheez)
As far as my rep, well, is what it is. I didn't 'craft' it, on porpoise at least. Just here reporting my life which is pretty damned good most of the time, at least these days. Some people should try what I tried... getting a life ^^ (not you! You're awesome... and your avatar is hot :o)
Thx Trig -- and by craft I really just meant being your funny irreverent self, I've been reading Dr. Amy cuz she's funny in a personality disorders kind of way ; )
never forgot Dr Amy but had to be reminded of the ole Trig when he let A know she was :hot. There WE go!
Yeah hate to keep bringin up the ole days but compared to the reek in this closed down space it was a heady time. I miss the late night parties the most.
Keep bringing it Trig, that is what we count on you for.
Rita! Have you looked back through these comments? Yeah, heady days for sure.
BTW, you, in that hat.. giving me wood `"

Best Comment of the Bunch =

"Well piss in my Sake . . ."
~ Lady Miko

Geez, I miss her! Ablonde and iamsurly, too.
yeah miss most of these people.. some notsomuch tho but all good

And Amy.. hi.. hell I remember when your avatar was Suzi. She was sometimes unkind and me back, but we had a moment, once, as friends.

Ok that's a lie. She could write though, couldn't she
I heard she died and I hated that woman she was evil. I use to get on her case all the time, kind of like Libby make your skin crawl. How's things anyway fuck Amy, been looking at your pics, right nice. Boy and Daughter took over the farm recently. See ya.......o/e
Rated because I like seeing 4-yr-old posts in the feed. And for making me read Dr Amy's masturbation post, which cured my insomnia.
So now that I've changed my Depends after reading Trig's response to Rita, I have some news (well, it's news to me, maybe you all already knew this from "dr." amy's blog back in the day.

Apparently, when she called herself a "dr." she was using the term loosely:
Why did Scanner comment on it and rate it today was it a goof on us?
September 2009? Complaining about no EP's?

Getting excited about possible fraudulence among people not worth reading to begin with?

Some things don't change. What generates traffic here is really strange. How it generates it is even stranger. In my experience, the best traffic generators are the dustups. Certainly the case for the most comments I ever saw on one of my posts, and now Frank Apisa's going through the same thing, though my observing that may paradoxically have halted that (not really my intention). Not that I think he's complaining because he's not participating in the dustup he's hosting (smart of him), but I wrote comment #222 today, just to add to the count.

Oh well, OS Ping Pong at its finest. I liked your trip post better. Of course, I don't remember far enough back to where Kerry Lauerman actually commented on anything, and I learned really quickly that EP's feel awfully random to those of us who don't get them regularly. (I've had a few, so I'm not kvetching, but I never saw them coming, so I didn't know how to make sense of them. They seem to make a bit more sense now than they did for a while.) Speaking of Kerry, do you guys feel like you knew the OS equivalent of George Washington or something?
o/e, if you ever need me to say.. spy on the farm operation and send a report, encrypted of course, I'd be happy to oblige--- but it'll cost ya because you're rich and gas is high, but I love ya. Libby could never come close to creepin' me the way "Dr." Amy used to. For what it's worth I mean. For hell's play though, I rated it TOO! That shit used to be EVERYDAY on the cover. Best to ya my friend.

Cranky, thanky! Though you're surely asleep now..
Antoinette the link goes off the page. Please provide hotrink! (I forgot most of the Dr Amy dirt I used to know)
it's pretty good dirt:
didn't work; I'll pm the link
who ya doinkin' this week tr igger?

oh wait ... that was a few years ago ... nevermind

what's does this sentence from a commenter above mean?

"I write for me; I think, for me; I am here voluntarily; I don't give a fuck what you think."

What is he "thinking" about? Writing? Self-gratification? Volunteerism? Mind-fuckin'? What? Odd guy.
I don't see Scanner in the recent feed. It's Steve Kenny.

Oh, not that Kenny.
Jesus God, all I did was wake up the computer because I forgot to shut down for the day, and now you've resurrected the memories of that person's drivel. Right before bedtime, too. Now I'm going to have nightmares.

Thanks, Trig, for reminding me that it wasn't ALL fun and games back in the day.
ha ha. i'm smilin'.

have a nice weakened, y'all.
nice weakened?

did he mean nice weakling?

wow, he nailed you on that one tr igger.

"nice weakling". I guess you should display your wittle feet and wittle fingers to cement Steve-I-can't-spell-worth-a-shit-but-write-I-think-voluntarily Kenny's image of you as a nice weakling, tr igger.

What, you're going to try and create a dustup out of That?

I hope if Tr ig takes that bait he at least seasons the worm first.
scanner rated Dr. Amy's post, as did I. Steve Kenny propelled both of these old posts into the feed, so thank him kosher.. or maybe you already knew all that. I dare say you're smarter than me . . not that that's anything to be especially proud of, dude.

b1-- my apologies! Actually, blame Kenny. We need a Detroit report, with pictures ok, assuming your passport.. you know

Joisey- I'd say ask him, but couldn't promise you'd get an answer you could understand. Such is the blogging life.

Antoinette.. got the pm and answered.. THANKS
"nice weakened?"

Kenny.. you're fuckin' wit' me right. NO ONE is that stupid so, fine.. ya drunken bastard. See what you did here? Started Joisey blastin' on me!
oh yes wood was suggested and taken
and lot's of fun and suggestion
on both ends
Trig and all of us good to see..
Thanks, Tr ig. So Scanner didn't comment here (wrong Kenny), he commented on that Dr. Amy thing about masturbation from however many years ago, then Steve Kenny forced these out of retirement. I guess that makes sense. Sort of. I just had nothing to do so I was actually watching the main page for once and I kept seeing these things, so I came over.

I of course realize that you had nothing to do with the resurrection of these posts. I'm just sort of intrigued by living antiques. One thing I've definitely learned about you is that you do not intentionally control the weather that surrounds you but you inadvertently influence it in the strangest ways. Like the time you wrote about puking and writing about puking became an instant OS-wide craze. OK, why not? The world wants to write about puking? Fine, let them. People want to resurrect three and four year old posts? Yeah, whatever. Believe me, I get that it's not you.

Oh well, the price of.............what, exactly? Hell if I know.

Hell if you do either.

If nothing else, you can be sure people are paying attention.
Hey, quick Guys,
This nearly four-year-old post is being passed on the Cover by a post entitled

Shameless Self-Promotion.

Can't let that happen, so comment. Quick!

Even if the Self-Promotion post is Toritto, and he's OK.

you know what Kosher, I am enjoying seeing this old post with al the old sheet comments so very much more than the tedious back and forth that has dominated the feed lately.
hey I am liking old shit and wish more old stuff would surface.Yeah this place reeks, it needs to open the doors wide and let new blood in but till that time, would rather read this than the eternal fights.
Careers have been made by comedians about nothing, and shameless self-promotion about shameless self-promotion ought to be good for something!
I'd believe it. I sometimes go back to some of my old posts just to read the comment streams. Some of them got pretty good.

The fights lately have been mainly useless.
I don't find it useless myself Kosher, but I don't expect you to have another opinion ~ you use a nom.
Those of us who came to OS is good faith thinking it might be a "safe" place to put up posts about, etcetera have been abused.
It isn't okay.
The people who do it are sick. Seriously freaking sick.
I get that they're your best buddies but it's beyond you isn't it to see the other side ; the sick side.
I wish you good luck in your blogging career ; I leave you with the stench of these people's poison, and "Good luck with that."
Sorry : "in" good faith.
I'm gone from here.

I had great times with nan, tr ig, rita & a1, JT, the quatt, too many to mention ... Susan Creamer & Ablonde, DB, Larry, Sirenita, Jerry, Emma & the Gnome. Kate, asia, surly & LL2, to name just a few.
Jone, jsl, Lezlie & the incomparable Amy. Kent, the Sage ~ the list goes on ... Patrick, MCS, Catch, Mr Scan, scupper, every beautiful literate one of you ...

OS has become a Bill Beck cesspit now ~ time after 4 years, lovely years, to move away from the smell to happier places :-)

Love you all. I

( If I missed anyone let me know ;-) Account is open, Open isn't anymore. It smells like a toilet.
Thanks Bill !
Bernadine, Abby, Lorianne, Mr Grin, JP, MTN ...
Antoinette, Phyllis, Mark, eve Mr Sky, Linda ...

and the heron. Green one, most beautiful of birds, thank you :-)
& Tink.
Thanks Tink.
& thanks tr ig, innit.
Sorry, I lost a comment in the middle and have had to start from scratch.

I don't take most online insults seriously, for one thing because it would be very difficult for someone to turn someone against me who I respect. If I don't respect them, their opinions don't matter to me. Why should they?

Like you, Bill uses his real name. Bill is a friend, but he has very little influence here, certainly not a fraction of yours. I won't comment on who is right about what because I don't know the history and I'm not sure it would help. It might help me figure out who's right but not why the other person cares. He seemed to be very upset about the driving from the Internet remark, and I know nothing about its context, but I find the concept of that being a credible threat so ridiculous that I don't understand why he would bother with it. I frankly don't understand why he matters to you for analogous reasons. Who is he going to hurt you with? How many people that you care about is he capable of influencing?

I've watched you both contemplate some fairly major decisions based on each other, but I don't have a clue why. This is one of them. It would be easy for you to ignore him even where you bump into each other and that would be the end of it. I don't have enough influence with him to get him to take that course of action or I would.

Why you assign significant importance to each other I have yet to figure out.
Kosher there's 10 and a half million hits for my name on google. The second item takes kids straight to OS, where they can read about my harassment and abuse of women, about my lack of integrity.

It isn't something I signed on for.
I've had a great time on OS, and I've enjoyed your essays and perspective very much, thank you. I'll miss you : I think you're a decent person.
Google, the God of Dunder, is no measure of self-worth.
There's no big flash house or fancy car.
My sense of self - worth derives from the things I've created, mainly my relationships with family and friends, and friends here, and books.
I don't need to see these things trashed by angry out-of-work Americans, whatever their motives.
Life is way too short.
Hey ... how could I have forgotten Myriad, Mr P, mission, & that total freak of keyboard & shutter, tgwithin ?
Damn then there's PartyCentral, young PoorWoman, & past voices ...
Jeez you people know how to seep into a person's soul, innit ...
... persistent muse, midwest, good daughter... did I say zanelle ? ...
This is like a damn High School Break-Up.

Irish who was the first ever to comment on a post of mine ...

... seek and find out who and what, in the inferno, are not inferno, then let them breathe, give them space ...