A few.. maybe very few of you, will remember MAD magazine's "scenes we'd like to see."
Today, one of those happened, for me, because I deserved it!
First, a link. Robin Sneed is being pommeled by Hommel... you saw it here first (except Ablonde who told me)- hurry before it's deleted!
Sooooooo... evil grins and all, I walked into the bank o' 'merika lobby today, not the one one in the suburbs, the one in the CITY bearing in my frosty fingers a check written against same said evil motherfuckers whom I despise... no reservations there...
Deep breath
...still having a prob with the over-breathing.
Need a cig
NO YOU DON'T!
It was a ferly large check by my standards, and I was determined to make some pasty faced and fingered puke walk into the vault to retrieve the newly printed treasury bills that ain't worth the paper... you know the story- we work for pieces of paper... AND hand THEM, in a sack if necessary, to my poorly dressed and unshaven ass.
Skipping to the end... they didn't hand me THE SACK..
BUT, you already knew that so no damage done.
The part I love, I mean HATE about BoA (I have others too in the hate dept.), the thumb print. She had me do that.. put my soiled thumb, in dirty ink that who knows who touched... ewww, and stamp it on the front of the check. THIS, to remind me of the days when MY KIND couldn't write. The Irish Native Amnerican Poles.
So... I did. Gnu I wad hab to doo dat.
Then, she warned me.. "Are you sure you are comfortable walking out of HERE with that much cash in your... sack?"
I said.. "yeah, I'm ok with that sweetie. Beats the hell out of the way I walked in here- not being able to afford a coffee, or a shine for my shoes."
She was only barely amused. Emphasis on barely. I was wearing flip-flops, and yes, my feets were cold.
"Lay the cash on me baby! I'm fixin' to go smoke some crawdads! "
She called the manager... actually, I asked her to. She was befuddled (or disgusted... I prefer befuddled)
(turns out she was from Canuckistan and didn't recognize CRAWDADS as.... food...
..NOR would she acknowledge FIXIN' as an English word)
... to be continued
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Comments
Flip flops in December? You been smokin' too many crawdads.
:D
What?
~wanders off~
I'd rather be called names over the phone than in person. I feel so sorry for those poor tellers, and God only knows where all those disgusting thumbs have been!
I wish B of A and the other evil banks would fail so local banks could get the business and so all those branch employees could have better bosses and work where the customers didn't hate them. I also wish pigs could fly.
I need more rum obviously.
Rated for you being a douche
It wasn't in a bank lobby, though.
RATED
I was wearing proper footwear too, and was (mostly) properly shaved.
I imagined a time when it was a guy we gnu who said while laughing- or snickering... or faking a painful grin. tr ig, we'll let THIS pass, this time, you scamp (nice hustle!) Buy me a drink at 5? To which I'd say sure, and not a crime committed. Bidna
hope you bought some shews with that there cash money, pardner. it's unna beeya col' winner.
It's not right, you and I are free but those people are imprisoned. It's like the animals in the circus, chained to their horrid little check swiping machines. Set B of A workers free!!!
Last week I mailed 6 pre-paid offer envelopes to Chase and B of A. I took the terms of service from one and stuck it in the envelope of the other. I also shoved in this quarter's information from the Idaho Food Bank and the thank you letter with the 100th set of labels from St Jude Children's Hospital. Those blood suckers charge fees and I cost them each $1.32 this week alone. Tee hee!
Poor Citibank, all I had left for them was the grocery store coupons I didn't want. My local bank has no automated phone system, just friendly people. Support your local post office, take action and mail back the credit card offer pre-paid envelopes with junk in them. Set the people free, bleed the parasites!
NO YOU DON'T!"
Yes, you do.
I mean, I know I would after a stressful experience like that, I'd be lighting up in that BOA lobby and inhaling so deeply I'd practically suck the whole cigarette down my throat. Then I'd exhale slowly, right in the manager's face, and say something like, "See how easy it is? You just put your lips together and blow."
But that's just me and I'm weak and easily tempted.
Crawdaddys -- aren't they like our lobsters, only smaller?
"It helps if you squint" was my advice to them. Deep laughs and chortles in my own head.
But, employing Canadians!
Man. they've sunk low -- lower than whale shit in a deep ocean trench (as Captain Ahab would say).
http://www.chow.com/food-news/53899/do-you-suck-the-heads/
Alright already, I'll tell the REST OF THE STORY here in a few before we go to Arkansas
Anyway, you are lucky you got out of there with your sack. And, you know which sack I am talking about. (Both of them!)
Enjoy your crawdads- no need to explain what they are- you know where I come from!
(PS Congrats on the big check. )