but stay off of my lawn


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NOVEMBER 2, 2012 7:50PM

'groupon' eye doctor freakout

Rate: 11 Flag


My girlfriend introduced me to GROUPON, which if you didn't know, is an online promotional coupon thing. Retailers of all sorts and stripes offer discounts to get you into their establishments, hoping you'll love them and come back.

Great concept, right.

We've gnoshed forty bucks worth of sushi at Eddeko for  fifteen, paid in advance through the smart phone (hers). Going out to eat? Let's search for groupons! I had to admit it was rather addicting.

So now I have a groupon account!

Going zip lining on the Missouri/Arkansas border a week from tomorrow. 3.2 miles of lines, platform to platform. Highest point above the planet? Reportedly, 350 feet! And HALF PRICE!!

One thing leads to another, or so I've heard. Marijuana leads to heroin, hookers, hysteria- and all other bad things that begin with H. True!

Groupon lead me to the eye doctor from HELL... another H word. 



Sounded like a great deal and maybe it is-- forty dollar paid to groupon for an eye exam plus one-hundred-sixty dollar towards the purchase of glasses. Eye exam for GLASSES ONLY.. but I need some real glasses.

Haven't had a pair since the nineties, and contacts can be infuriating... and vanity is not such an issue these days. 

Fifty dollar extra for contact exam.. which I succumbed to . . . because I have a bad contact habit and am not ready to quit cold turkey . . .

. . . all this before meeting the doctor.

Don't know his name, because he's a rude bastard and didn't introduce himself. In my mind, he became Dr. Humpty-Dumpty, named so due to his physique. He was a large egg, with arms, legs, and an attitude.

"Which looks better, slide one or slide two?"

"Uh . ."

"Three or four?" 


And so it went. Humpty was in a hurry, and me, thinking this is pretty important stuff, my eye glass prescription, wanted to be sure.

He thought he was done, finally, when the overly tattooed assistant brought in the fax from my old eye doc with my prescription from last year. He bellowed a sigh, and with no small measure of disgust, grabbed the test contraption, again, and winged it back in front of my face.

"ONE, or TWO?"

"Err.. two."

"Last time you said one!"

Well, fuck me!

He finally got it, or so I hope, when the big eye glasses question came. Bi-focals with line, or no-line?

I had to know, what's the diff? The advantages/dis-advantages? The cost difference? 


After making me feel terrible for being so ignorant, he apologized, for appearances sake.

He hated me!



Picked out the cheapest frames I could find that me and she could live with. $119-

Bottom line. My price upon completion. $373, after the $200 groupon discount... plus the forty for the groupon itself, plus the fifty extra for the contact prescription and a pair of "free" contacts.



The kicker, the coup de gras, the what I wish was a bad dream--

I have to go see this guy again next Wednesday, for a follow-up.

I'm committed at this point.

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You poor thing. Next time stick with the B12 shots and the restaurant fair. Botox iffy and laser hair removal burns. Eyes? I got my eye exam at Costco for very little. Of course, I don't need glasses but I thought I might, having blurred stuff. Turns out, it was stress. Quit lousy job, felt much better.
Awful. Hope his manners will improve in the interim. I seriously doubt it, tho'....
Dr. Bowl-- they have B-12 shots? Laser hair removal? I have this off the chain hair between my eyebrows that grows at quadruple speed and curls in a Damascus twist. I'd endure some pain for permanent removal. How are ya?

PW.. he is cranky because he is top heavy. I get that. Wouldn't gravitate to this guy in a crowd due to his 'great personality' but now I'm stuck seeing him again regardless. See ya at the opium den
Well, I guess it is technically restaurant fare... but mostly it seems like everyone competing for even lower priced services. Groupon Phoenix is now per zip code. It's insane. But, cheap aesthetics are... cheap.
It sounds like you're in danger of getting committed
It sounds like you're in danger of getting committed
I've been mildly curious about Groupon, so thanks for an excuse for further procrastination trig. Someone has to be making money off this and I suspect it isn't always the customer.
You should switch to GropeOn instead. There's no fee involved and you just have to agree to submit to friendly gropes from participating providers to get the discounts. Find out if Dr. Dumpty participates and maybe he'll lower your bottom line if you let him grope your bottom line. Heh heh.

"Skinched?" What is that - one of those cutesy/folksy regional expressions?
Just so you know --- the groupon for full body wax is probably not a good idea.
John Lyly:"Your eyes are so sharpe that you cannot onely looke through a Milstone, but cleane through the minde."
Large egg shaped dr perhaps having a bad day?
We gotta trust our doctors, man.
Who else in the world is left to trust? Priests?Judges ? Politicians?
Dr. TopHeavy Egg ? Chat him up. Use your charm.
Find his interests. Perhaps he is a fellow zipliner?
Or , more likely, his kid is?
Make sure the line is secure, man.
Dr Egg? he knows his stuff. The EYE. He must.
He went to Eyeball School somewhere, and due to his
unfortunate physiognomy was no doubt a devout student , a nerd.
Nerds got bad manners but they know their stuff.
In this case, the human eye.
Yours, specifically.
i dunno why ya wanna see good, anyway, for as Milton said
Before mine eyes in opposition sits
Grim Death, my son and foe.


Paradise Lost
So without that coupon the price for a pair of glasses is about $600 ?

Sheesh, for that kind of bread you could have taken a bus up to Toronto, had a nice holiday, bought a nice pair of glasses for $160, (ready in 2 hours), and gone back home refreshed and happy!

May I suggest Walmart... perhaps politically incorrect but you get an examination prescription and glasses for less than $200. R&R ;-)
I'm lucky enough to get my glasses at the VA, but they have shit for variety. Like WWII glasses. Luckily I can still drive with just shades on and put the glasses on in the grocery stores, to see the prices. I got a driver's license exam coming up, wish me luck.
You don't have to go back Wednesday .
Screw him.
Another $100 ~ forget it.
You can see.
This whole Lots of errors, sorry ! thing is out of control.
Good luck scanner man !