My girlfriend introduced me to GROUPON, which if you didn't know, is an online promotional coupon thing. Retailers of all sorts and stripes offer discounts to get you into their establishments, hoping you'll love them and come back.
Great concept, right.
We've gnoshed forty bucks worth of sushi at Eddeko for fifteen, paid in advance through the smart phone (hers). Going out to eat? Let's search for groupons! I had to admit it was rather addicting.
So now I have a groupon account!
Going zip lining on the Missouri/Arkansas border a week from tomorrow. 3.2 miles of lines, platform to platform. Highest point above the planet? Reportedly, 350 feet! And HALF PRICE!!
One thing leads to another, or so I've heard. Marijuana leads to heroin, hookers, hysteria- and all other bad things that begin with H. True!
Groupon lead me to the eye doctor from HELL... another H word.
Sounded like a great deal and maybe it is-- forty dollar paid to groupon for an eye exam plus one-hundred-sixty dollar towards the purchase of glasses. Eye exam for GLASSES ONLY.. but I need some real glasses.
Haven't had a pair since the nineties, and contacts can be infuriating... and vanity is not such an issue these days.
Fifty dollar extra for contact exam.. which I succumbed to . . . because I have a bad contact habit and am not ready to quit cold turkey . . .
. . . all this before meeting the doctor.
Don't know his name, because he's a rude bastard and didn't introduce himself. In my mind, he became Dr. Humpty-Dumpty, named so due to his physique. He was a large egg, with arms, legs, and an attitude.
"Which looks better, slide one or slide two?"
"Uh . ."
"Three or four?"
"I STILL HAVEN'T DECIDED BETWEEN ONE AND TWO!"
And so it went. Humpty was in a hurry, and me, thinking this is pretty important stuff, my eye glass prescription, wanted to be sure.
He thought he was done, finally, when the overly tattooed assistant brought in the fax from my old eye doc with my prescription from last year. He bellowed a sigh, and with no small measure of disgust, grabbed the test contraption, again, and winged it back in front of my face.
"ONE, or TWO?"
"Last time you said one!"
Well, fuck me!
He finally got it, or so I hope, when the big eye glasses question came. Bi-focals with line, or no-line?
I had to know, what's the diff? The advantages/dis-advantages? The cost difference?
I AM SORRY I SKINCHED YOU BY USING A GROUPON!
After making me feel terrible for being so ignorant, he apologized, for appearances sake.
He hated me!
Picked out the cheapest frames I could find that me and she could live with. $119-
Bottom line. My price upon completion. $373, after the $200 groupon discount... plus the forty for the groupon itself, plus the fifty extra for the contact prescription and a pair of "free" contacts.
The kicker, the coup de gras, the what I wish was a bad dream--
I have to go see this guy again next Wednesday, for a follow-up.
I'm committed at this point.