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MARCH 5, 2013 1:14PM

prostate problems pissing me off

Rate: 22 Flag

 

Some days I can piss mad torrents, the sheer force of my urine stream splashing toilet water and turgid pee out of the bowl and beyond. Other days my malevolent diseased prostate gland swells to the size of a nerf football, taking up space normally occupied by my bladder, which as a result of the consequential over-crowding can hold less piss than a dollhouse tea-cup. There is nothing more frustrating and less manly than running to the bathroom every thirty minutes and having to sit down to squirt, while the small bit of piss that there is takes just less than forever to weakly dribble and drip, barely disturbing the placid stillness of the bowl water. The toilet, if it were alive, would chuckle under it's breath at my miserable weak attempts at urination, or possibly, laugh aloud and smirk.

 

This reminds me; once upon a time in that brief teen period after I quit smoking cigarettes but before hardcore marijuana usage became habit, I decided one fall day when out hiking in the nearby country to piss on an electric fence, to see what would happen, if anything. When my fine strong urine stream crossed the hot-wire I discovered that pee does in fact conduct electricity and quite efficiently at that. So well that my then tiny and tame prostate did a cute little mini-back-flip, as my mouth screamed and eyes bugged.

 

I always had large eyes, even after my skull grew to full size, but when the rest of me was still very small, my eyes, and come to think of it, my ears too, were already adult proportioned. I looked like a midget elephant alien. Alien like ET, not like a person from eh, Canada---ET-like eyes . . . with elephant ears doontchaknoo. The old people of my family were used to my freakish appearance and took little notice, even to the point of saying "what a handsome little fella" --with roll of eyes and pat on head. Strangers however, like parents of my little friends, and early teachers, would do double-takes and laugh aloud at first, then cover their mouths with one hand and turn away for politeness sake.

 

Eventually my head and body grew to catch up with eyes and ears, but just thinking in retrospect; luckily a small child doesn't give much of a flip about their appearance, be it fabulous, or preposterous. Don't care about our friends' goofy toothless smiles or constant confounding drools, alien eyes or Dumbo ears. We judgeth not at that age. It is told that Jesus once said "be as a child" or something like that. If that's true I'm guessing he meant the non-judging part as opposed to the looking like little freaks part. Sigh . . .

 

But man could I ever urinate back in those golden days. Wondering if it was that fateful piss on the low voltage wire that has now reduced my flow of pee to that of a flea?

 

ernest-borgnine-17th-screen-actors-guild-O59sMg 

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Try 50 mg of zinc everyday--works like a charm. Men have zinc deficiency as they get older, linked to prostate problems, impotence and (I kid you not) those long hairs you see growing out of their ears.
Con, thanks man!

Kosher suggested over at our salon (comments on this same post) that we do another open call but on urinary related issues. Sounds fun doesn't it. Con you start.
Happen to have zinc for some reason. Well, Eli bought it.. who knows why. Just dropped two 50's for a jump start. Beware ear hair and toilet water everywhere.
:-( Stupid electric fences!!! Zapped my testicles off...they never grew back!!! WAAAAAAA!!!

EP!! COVER!!!
Getting old sucks, man. Think I'll run out and get some of that zinc stuff. Feel better, and thanks for the pissing on the electric fence story. I am still chuckling. R
Getting old sucks, man. Think I'll run out and get some of that zinc stuff. Feel better, and thanks for the pissing on the electric fence story. I am still chuckling. R
As Con says zinc is a good thing but eating stinging nettles is another.Heres my video on it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3uPARuu_R4&list=UUGPsCIlwM_m7HhxQvjkwZ0A&index=22
Another good thing is boiling califlower until soft. Blend to a liquid with some juice and stir in a heaping tablespoon of raw tumeric. Once a day or three times a day. Should start to work in about a week. Other than that pissing on an electric wire must have been a real experience.
Con definitely set you right with the zinc. Be sure to get the kind with copper in it if you're going to use it long term. I use a 25mg daily capsule and my daily multi-vitamin has another 17mg and a bit of copper. (Zinc strips copper from your body so you need to replace it)

Zinc is also a very good heart disease preventer. But it's best known for its ability to prevent colds and flu. It doesn't prevent ALL colds and flu but most of them. and it DOES NOT help with a cold/flu once you get it. I've had 3 colds and 4 flu in the last 13 years; I used to get that many every year!

If you are taking any prescription meds, be sure to tell your doc that you are going to use zinc. It can mess up some meds - but not very many.

Good luck with that prostate!

.
zinc - schminc

I'll give you the real secret.

Ejaculate everyday. Keeps all the plumbing in fine working condition. Don't ask me why, but it does.
Be glad you have a prostate my man. They removed mine 5 years ago and now, I just had two surgeries that rocked my fucking world. Check you PSA scores and keep an eye on the big C. It's a bitch, believe me.
Terribly sorry about your pee pee problems. The subject of Mr. Now's latest suffers from the opposite misery - she sounds like an eternal fountain. Don't know what it feels like to not be able to produce since I've always been able to go on demand. But I do know you should get your prostate checked out before it leaves you prostrate.
No good peed goes unpunished, I always say. (Sorry, couldn't resist!)
Just got test results from my doctor and he wants me to schedule a prostate ultrasound. Yeah, it sounds like a barrel of laughs. Getting old sucks.
Hate peeing on my foot in the morning or seeing the pee go in two different directions....I do miss that amazing stream. We really do need urinals in all homes.
My condolences. It's always seemed unfair to afflict men with such a ghastly chronic disorder. Here's a website describing some Amish treatments for the condition: http://health.howstuffworks.com/wellness/natural-medicine/home-remedies/home-remedies-for-prostate-problems1.htm

It's common knowledge that western medicine has nothing to offer short of taking it out and making you impotent.
Looking forward to your next post about hemorrhoids.
I hope you are being seen by a medical professional and you are keeping an eye on it!
Is there no end to the creativity little boys apply to the uses of their streams? You taught me something today, Tr ig. I had no idea your antic would have been so...shocking.

Lezlie
Could be much worse. I know a man with breast cancer.
This is a great comment 'stream' for meeting guys!
Zinc. I am going to remember that in case someone asks me. (never)(ha) I have heard the Joisey remedy before...
Well that sounds like a lousy (and believe me, I used great restraint in avoiding the adjective "pissy") ailment trig. I was mention on Lezlie's blog the other day that eventually body parts start acting yup and breaking down. Here's hoping this is a passing condition and that before long you'll have enough force to go two out of three with that electric fence.
After that hot wire tale - it's a wonder you don't have a twitch when you have to go! Or do you? But seriously, take Joisey Shores advice & let us all know how you're doin'! R
Sorry about your flea pee, Trig. This sounds like a time when "go with the flow" is not the best advice. Therefore, I advocate you listen to these fine men, use your other head, and head to the doc.
@Larry, I think you're wrong about hemorrhoids being next; my money's on on another 'P' post - either that or he's moving on to 'Q.' Maybe he'll write about...quabs?
Yeah... been there, done that, copped some luck. But you DO NOT want to hear the words "prostate" and "biopsy" in the same sentence.

My doc gave some useful info after the big scare was over - keep the lower regions clear and avoid pressure from any direction on yer bladder. Sounds a bit Rube Goldberg-y, but prunes can improve the waterworks quite a lot.

I'll be trying zinc asap. I used saw palmetto/pygeum for a few years but learned that it confounds PSA readings, which is not a good thing.
Laugh if you want about my suggestion, but a 90+ year old Earnest Borgnine claimed it was the reason for his long life and good health.

Do a search on him and "masturbation" (although that's obviously not the only way to ejac) and watch some of the videoclip where he made that claim.

He's my hero.
You don't know why Eli bought it? go back to Con's comment. duh.
If Ernest B could blow one everyday at 90 he has every bit of my awe. He pretty much did already for his role in McHale's Navy, so now that much more so. Wow.
I can do that for a while, hell, maybe even a month (could write at some length on masturbation or PLAYING POCKET POOL.... hmmm), but eventually I needs rest and rejuvenation time. More of an every other day kinda guy.
Heck maybe I have LOW T and need one of those testosterone roller applicators for your armpits.

Axiron, that's it... damned side effects though.

Stop using AXIRON and call your healthcare provider right away if you see any signs and symptoms in a child or a woman that may have occurred through accidental exposure to AXIRON. Signs and symptoms in children may include enlarged penis or clitoris; early development of pubic hair; increased erections or sex drive; aggressive behavior. Signs and symptoms in women may include changes in body hair and a large increase in acne.

http://www.axiron.com/Pages/index.aspx?WT.srch=1

Image of Ernest Borgnine added to blog. Dude has gone to ham slamming heaven... tears
Duh back atya Abby... what am I missing here? Think he was trying to cure teenage impotence?
"Signs and symptoms in children may include enlarged penis or clitoris; "

Both? Same children? AWESOME!!! ~wanders off for a day of fun~
This MUST make the editor's pick.

After all, they put the vomit post up.
EEEE PEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
OMGeez, I can't tell you how many teen boys we saw in the ER who had popped a little blue one just to see how much bigger and better and longer and ... eh. The resolution of that error in judgement involves needles. Big ones. eeeyaaaoooooww!
Abby.. is there a single word in this post about teenage boys and blue pills? Anything on erections or trying to get larger ones?