I was born to a Catholic woman married to a Jewish man. Wasn’t that enough from the start to blur the lines of religion? Neither of my parents had a penchant for their respective faiths. Although my father in his early (manic) days did decide
to convert from Judaism to Catholicism and, as with everything he did, with a flare, had his religious instruction from none other than Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. Bishop Sheen was the Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of New York from 1951 to 1966. My father’s instructions with him were at about the time of his “Life Worth Living” Television series that ran from 1952 – 1955.
Interestingly enough, I myself was instructed in a class called “Power For Abundant Living” by a self proclaimed “man of God” living in the farmlands of Ohio in 1973 that, even at the time was considerd a cult. The difference between my father’s “man of God” and mine? The difference between “Life Is Worth Living” and “Power for Abundant Living”? I don’t have the answer. I just know that somewhere in between, we were both losing our religion.
Dad tells of his being so mesmerized by Sheen’s “non-sermons” but more “philosphical lectures” that he wrote a letter one day, thanking him for the enlightening series and his appreciation of the serivce he was doing for humanity. Dad also happened to mention that he was of the Jewish faith but not religious. About a week later, he received an invitation from Bishop Sheen to meet him at his office in Manhattan. My dad told the highly esteemed Bishop that he had always considered religion synonymous with ignorance and fear . Bishop Sheen took down a group of close to 20 books, handed them to my Dad and told them they were his to keep. He invited my Dad to come back every Thursday for some questions and answers. This continued for the next six weeks.
“Power For Abundanty Living” had a series of books, too, that I read, no I devoured, in 1973, 1974, 1975. I too was mesmerized. Unlike my Dad’s experience, however, there were no questions and answers. ”Thus sayeth The Lord” was the answer. The “Doctor” wrote the words that God wanted him to write. So, who were we to question? I’ve often wondered if Mathew, Mark, Luke and John questioned the writings of Moses, Joshua, David, Solomon? Did they dare to question?
Dad was baptized by the good Bishop at St Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City. Although he later writes that even though he is no longer of “the faith” (once a Jew, always a Jew he said to me) Bishop Sheen’s philosophy had always kept him in good stead.
I, of course, was raised Catholic. Twelve years of Catholic education in New York City served me well, but as far as a “religion”, I never really got it. Never really cared. There was the day my schizophrenic sister came home to tell the family the news that she was pregnant. Pregnant, that is, with the baby Jesus. She believed she was the Virgin Mary. so, you see, religion, Catholicism, not so much. It was about this time that my Mom also dropped the Catholic Church like a hot potato.
It would only be years later, however, that I realized what a panic my parents were experiencing to hear that now, their oldest remaining daughter had joined a religious cult; was speaking in tongues. Believed that the “Doctor” “The Teacher” as he was called, was the “man of God for the 20th Century and was teaching the “word” like it had not been taught since the 1st Century Church. Their daughter was encouraged to not have relationships with those “unbelievers” who did not believe the truth.
“They looked just like me," recalls Timoner, a lanky woman in jeans and a pink T-shirt emblazoned with two six-shooters. "Their compound was a suburban subdivision…she assumes the church is the safest place.. [But] if your leader is suddenly putting themselves in the position that 'You can't get to God unless through me,' there's a problem." Yet given the right set of circumstances, and this has been proven again and again by different case studies, any one of us is susceptible to mind control." There is a highly charged, tightly controlled atmosphere to the cult.” People systematically are robbed of their ability to critically think or make independent choices. Ultimately, they essentially become dependent upon the leader to make value judgments and do their thinking for them, or through the leader's delegated counterparts. Members no longer are really thinking for themselves. (Rick Ross)I would never in a million years have believed that someone, some man, could so convince me to be a blind follower of anything, without question, without doubt. Oh there was question and there was doubt, but the euphoria, the love, the absolute acceptance in the group, gradually and almost without notice, became your entire life.
I was manipulated to believe that I had made my own decision.
Tell me though, where is the difference in my father’s experience with “Life Is Worth Living” and the esteemed Bishop Fulton J. Sheen and my experience with “Power for Abundant Living” and The Way International?
Well, I spent 14 years of my life with this group. I married a man who was also a “follower” even though I knew… I knew… But when I wanted to leave – it was the teaching of “The Way” that made us fearful that terrible things would happen to us if we left. We would be outside the protection of the household (God?); we would be in some sort of terrible accident, etc. I actually had a friend who was killed by a semi truck while hitchhiking in New Mexico on a mission for The Way and it was said “well, he must have been out of fellowship with God, must have sinned in some way, for this to have happened. End of story.
Fourteen years after I joined this group in 1973, I left. It was the night before my first child was born. By then I was in a very bad marriage and now had my first child, dependent on my husband for our living, our survival. Many more years and two (twins) more children later, I would finally figure it all out and be free. I will never regret having my amazing children. They would not be those amazing people had I not gone down the path that I did.
But as far as religion goes………
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try…
But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream… Consider this…… …
R.E.M. Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe
“The Way” on Religious Tolerance.Org Website
Title Inspired by Scarlett Sumac's post "Did I Say too Much"
(which seems to be gone now) thanks Scarlett - I've been wanting to write this for awhile.
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Comments
My dad was Catholic, mom a Protestant, and I was raised a Catholic. The church tried to make me go to religious classes after I transferred to public school, but I figured out that, like in a Jimmy Cagney movie, the coppers couldn't stop me and I busted out. My dad to his credit said it wasn't a big deal when I told him I wanted to quit.
Ok, that out of the way, there are better religions out there, and some of them are very rewarding without a lot of effort.
Check out Discordianisim, Pantheistic Digital Deisim, The Gunnite Faith and The Church of the Subgenius. You're sure to find one you like!
Rated for honesty.
I can relate to your post on many levels, however, have not lost religion, per say, but gained a better view of my own brand of spirituality. For me, that is where we find the universal answers to our very human questions of life and purpose for living authentically. Very thought provoking post.
I think it's clear the "either/or" thinking is shot through with holes. The problem evolves unfortunately but definitively given the institutions and charlatans that take advantage of this "need" and capitalize on it for one reason or another--which often simply boils down to what is in their needs.
This is not to disparage those believers and members of the institutions who are exemplary human beings. It is for each of us to decide, and hopefully to grow in our assessments and commitments. If human beings had not invented religion I don't think consciousness would have grown and so many would be in the position they are today to doubt the beliefs held by consensus and thus become the individuals that we/they are.
Love this song (as you know) ...
xo Cheers!
Aha! I get it! and I completely agree. Reason might be cold comfort at times but better than the false heat of irrationality.
I love the history and details of this personal de-conversion story.
Bishop Sheen, TV wowzer. I remember him and His Voice.
R~
"Ah life is bigger ... it is bigger than you
and you are not me."
tril, really appreciate your sharing.
And...I managed to grow up pretty healthy for someone "damned to the flame of Hell for all eternity" or...something like that.
A LOT of us do...
Lezlie
Belief, as I think you post is saying, is a strange and seductive and comforting thing and how each of us meets it can be equally strange and even mystifying. A very thoughtful, provocative post.
Great post and rated with hugs
Organized religion is never about "go out and think for yourself", with perhaps the exceptions of Unitarian Universalism and to an extent Reformed Judaism. Even then, there are certain codes one is expected to follow.
"Go out and think for yourself" is the opposite of assigning absolute moral authority and wisdom to another. It is anti-megalomania. It will never be friends with governments or other organizations which desire power. It's also terrifying to many as it means one must accept personal responsibility. There would have been no Stanley Milgram experiments if we knew how to do this.
In your case, I am relieved you were able to lose your religion. This, however, does not mean that you cannot go out and explore your own individual truths, nor does it mean that you cannot wonder and learn with a mentor whom you respect. It does mean that you have enabled yourself to walk your own path. I am extremely happy for you. Thank you for writing this.
BTW, I loved the song. REM was special, and that was my favorite song. What other rock band had a lead mandolin player?
Amanda: Well, if your gonna loose your religion I always say it might as well be cool. (I just love your sense of humor) and thank you for your very kind words.
Thank you all.
mLee: Thank you so much for those kind, kind words. My heart is with you my friend, as you take care of your dad. Thank you.
There's a crucial difference between faith, which is often illogical and requires no proof, and beliefs, which are the steppingstones of doctrine which leads to regimens that culminate in repression.
Ultimately, faith is self-rewarding while beliefs are self-punishment. Beliefs limit....faith nourishes.
The curious thing about faith is that you don't need to have faith in anything...but merely to embrace the feeling of your own presence in the reality of the world as it is rather than as other have imagined it to be. Faith can indeed move mountains. Religion creates mountains out of molehills.
Having said this, I begin to wonder if there is a "religion" that isn't ultimately a "cult." Perhaps - perhaps - the Sufis have an answer for this....to be in the world but not of it....to rely on direct experience rather than the teachings written down in books....but to accept only the wisdom that comes from within....when you learn to hear that quiet voice and finally pay attention to it.
What a subject .... about just one of the myriad ways that we satisfy our need to feel (most of us) that we belong to a community, the longing to be recognized as a member of something, to be more than a seed blowing in the wind. Ah, thank you Lord for OS!
I think the only problem with "accepting wisdom from within" is that most people don't live long enough to figure out how to even "hear" it, no less "pay attention" to it.
Yalebno: I was thinking the same thing while reading your comment. Welcome to the "church of OS" where we all belong and it doesn't matter what we believe.
Persistant Muse: thank you too. "and the comments are so personal, insightful and revealing" I was just thinking this too. LOOK WE CAN HAVE A DISCUSSION WITHOUT BASHING ANYONE ELSE'S RELIGION. I think we are evolving here on OS.
Dr. Spud: So many stories, so little time. Thanks.
I quit the Lutheran Church on the day they made me a member. I respect them, but no more than any other, for the good they do. If people ask me causally why I do not attend, I just say I will come when they serve food.
Thansk for your comments. Yes, I think you may be right about the maternal instincts.
"Did they dare to question?" Indeed - the central point of religion - control versus encouragement to seek.
I am thankful you lost your way so we could find each other!
My goodness!!!