Gorilla landed his bowling-ball sized, pud-pulling, pugilistic fist on my office door like a mis-guided 750-pound bomb dropping from the bomb bay of an ordinance engorged B-52 and dying to offend a peaceful Vietnamese village during Tet. The knock's reverberation rattled my door like a jonzing heroin junkie’s teeth.
But I was ready for him. My muscles were taut like a snack-craving panther waiting for some anorexic squirrel monkey to happen along in a steam-soaked Amazonian jungle.
Bambi who was in my office and standing by the window gasped like a goldfish who's been hooked from its bowl like a sailfish in the deep-blue sea by a spoiled cross-eyed Siamese cat. My overly-caffeinated, meth-amp'd eyes gave her the once over stare like two pogo stick jockeys trying to get into the Guinness’s Book of World Records. Her battery acid-bleached, blonde locks cascaded off her like Farrah Fawcett in the 70's on a major bad hair day.
Bambi's genetically-endowed jugs strained through her halter top like a Rodin sculpture before an unveiling. She had bullet-proof, wash board abs that would put any abs blaster model to shame. Her hips flared out with just the right amount of fat.
A yellow smiley faced, Lycra patch shrouded her shorn mons. Except smiley was smirking like a Sunday school teacher who just posted some randy pictures of herself on Facebook at the Annual Sunday School Teachers Convention in Las Vegas. You know. The one in which she is wearing next to nothing and slobbering her boozed-ladled tongue between her right index and middle fingers. But enough about her.
"Come in," I barked like a temple dog in front of an Asian massage parlor where even a stray cat gets a "happy ending." Gorilla rushed in like a steroid-spiked defensive lineman playing the game of his life.
He ran to Bambi and knelt before her like Orestes at the idle feet of Athena's idol and said, "Marry me!" Tears gushed down Bambi's creamy cheeks like sewage water in the bombed-out streets of Baghdad. "Okay," she said. I looked at them, reached for a marriage certificate and said, "Save it for the Motel, you crazy kids."