No! This is not one of those sermonizing posts spouting about the evils of excessive drinking (and or other substances). As an ex-problem drinker, I never liked it when some non-drinking, self-righteous, sanctimonious twit would go on and on about the virtues of a sober life.

Nor is this one of those “how to cure the hair of the dog” advice posts. The best way to cure a hangover is not to drink. It really works. For over two decades, I have not had a hangover because I have not had a drink.

However, for those of you who are still “active”, the best cure for a hangover is to stay drunk, seriously.

This post is about how much you had to drink. It’s not about numbers, or you got so drunk: you drove your Mini-Cooper into your status-conscious brother-in-law’s $50,000 swimming pool, or you threatened to burn down the whole trailer park community in which you live with WalMart bought sparklers, or you sucked tequila out of your grandmother’s navel (lint and all). Or anything like that.

This is about how much damage you did to your neurons, how badly did you fry your synapses, how much Tabasco did you put on your egg while it was still cooking on a hot skillet. Remember that PSA?

To determine just how much you drank on New Year’s Eve, perform the following self-diagnosis:

1.  While sitting in a chair, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2.  Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot shouldn’t change directions.

If it does change directions, you have done some serious drinking and some serious irreparable damage to your brain.

Happy New Year?

But before you run off to the hospital, read the tag thingies!