Or Sexiest Man Reboot for 2010 and beyond!
Dear Open Salon Bloggers:
It has come to my attention that Open Salon is conducting a contest to rename the annual Sexist Man Living survey. Quite frankly, I’m miffed. So I’m coming out of my can prior to my expiration date of June 6, 6666 to file a formal complaint.
As you are well aware, me and my minions (this could be sung to the tune of “Me and My Shadow”, but that’s a whole other post) have been clogging the feed (especially on the weekends) like a mob of hung-over holiday revelers on New Year’s Day showing up at the Mary Conchita De los Santos Lin Massage Parlor so they can start the New Year off with a "happy ending" or BANG! Relentlessly, we drum one mindless post after another hawking useless junk and invitations to watch football games for free that you could easily watch on your television set (remember that old contraption?).
We like to think that we are providing a service to the Open Salon community by filling the Most Recent feed with our regurgitated spam (or "value-driven products and services that no consumer should be without" to use corporate-speak) like enema bags the night before a top model audition in Manhattan, New York City, New York (dubbed the skinniest city).
But you see, our spam provides content to your site which, when presented statistically, means that Open Salon is a huge content provider with a large membership base. This means Salon can present itself to advertisers as a great revenue source for marketers (especially on weekends). Even if my spambots are being zapped left and right. Then, Salon can get the attention of top media buyers and command primo advertising dollars. What's in it for you?
You, the Open Salon member, get to keep your site FREE for your pretty poems, highly embellished (read
exaggerated lying) life stories, rants about the government, pirate wimmins, fractured fiction, and refried, tried, tired email jokes like Trudge164's.
It is why I am upset that Ed I. Tor did not have a category for the Sexist Spammer on Open Salon. However, in the spirit of true entrepreneurship, my spammers and I got together and voted me as the first official Spamsomest Spammer of Open Salon for 2010 (best if used before June 6, 6666). And came up with a cool name: Spamosomest Spammer to boot and reboot!
King of Spamlandia
PS: Trudge164 has graciously (begrudgingly and under duress) let me use his blog for me to air out my complaint. Because if I had created my own account and post, Trudge164 would have flagged me and had my account deleted).
Hey, Jocks, get Airy Jordums for $29.99
Hey, Lard Asses, get Scaler Shoes for $99.99
Hey, Tink, get Chicks with dicks videos for $69.99
Hey, Everybody, get real faux EP’s for $1.99 each. Cheap!
Ain't I the spamsomest spammner?
"As King of all Spam Robots, I'd like to thank you for making me the Spamsomest Spammer on Open Salon."
How about my spamxiest Queen?
Seven of Nine, Queen of all Spamlandia strikes a regal sexy pose.
Text by Trudge164 © Trudge164
Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine corrected